Friday, May 30, 2008

The BIG 25

This is my last post for the next few days. Tonight is another dinner with Casey's Fam. Then Saturday is DURAN DURAN.

Sunday is my b-day party in the park as long as Jebus doesn't pee on us that day. Interestingly enough, there are times where NYC rain is yellow and sticky just like some large giant in the sky was urinating. What a gross thought.

If it's nice I'll post pictures of the party.

Monday is my real birthday and I'm not coming to work.
Happy Birthday To ME Happy Birthday TO ME!!

I don't like cake but feel free to celebrate with flowers and liquor.

Quarter Life Crisis Time!!!!

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Damn I'm tired.

It's been really busy recently. My most recent post was last Friday. How did a week pass so fast? My life:

Friday- After Work, Bohemian Beer Garden for burgers and pitchers. After that, gay bar in Hell's Kitchen for drinking and dancing. Don't know when I got home.

Saturday- Shopping in Harlem. Offered Braids, Perfume and Cigarettes a few hundred times. Pedicure. Worst manicure of all time. Dinner at Mama Mexico. They accidentally gave me chicken. EWWW. Kiwi Margaritas Mmmm. Back to my place for screw drivers.

Sunday- Drank too much Saturday. Skip brunch. Make Sangria for party in the magical land of Bay Ridge Brooklyn. Spend half of life getting there. Totally worth it.

Monday- Meet lover boy's Mom, Step Dad, Sister, and Nephew for first time. Find out they are AWESOME. Have a great brunch with them. Walk twenty blocks in four inch heels to get a cake. Ruin feet forever. Go to lover boy's graduation party with previously mentioned cake. Have wonderful night with wonderful friends at previously mentioned party.

Tuesday- Work :( Then off to see Wicked the musical with lover boy's family. Meet Uncle, Aunt, and Cousin for first time. Uncle is seriously cool. Some David kid that just lost American Idol was in the audience. Boooo. Evil monkey's flew over my head and didn't throw feces, yay!

Wednesday- Work :( Watch the clock until the minute I can leave. Throw on cute dress and run to Lover Boy's graduation. Meet brother and Sister in Law for first time. Realllly nice people. Watch hot boyfriend get pinned and give shockingly good speech. He thanked Barry Manilow. *Shakes head*.

Thursday- Work :( I got here early today so I can leave early and still be late to fancy dinner. *Single tear*. Tonight I meet Lover Boy's Dad, Step Mom, and Little Brother. We are eating at 5:30 so I have not had anything but coffee today. 5:30 is usually when I stop eating brunch. Can you tell I'm going mad? Still one more day of work. NOOOOOOO. Supposed to see Duran Duran this weekend but Casey might have to bail. That blows. My birthday party is this Sunday. Is this whirlwind spiraling into my birthday an omen of what the year to come will be? Ah!

Friday, May 23, 2008

I am who I am.

We will call today's segment, Reasons Why I Turned Out This Way:

* After day two on the road on tour we stopped at a disgusting hotel in Little Rock Arkansas. It was in a scary neighborhood and really dirty in general. The girl playing the White Rabbit role started crying and made herself sick. She threatened to quit the show. Across from her hotel room a white rabbit was tied to a traffic cone with a rope. What does it all mean?

* I worked briefly at Cafe Mozart on the Upper West Side. It was across the street from my student housing. The owner stopped me in the street one day and offered me a job as a hostess. Shortly after I accepted I learned that he was running an escort service. He kept calling and trying to get me to meet him at the new unopened restaurant location. I never went back in to work after that call.

* One time in high school I was lounging at my house on Sunday mourning in my smeared makeup, a long ugly see through sleep-shirt, and rat nest hair. My boyfriend and other male friend showed up at the front door and my dad let them in without telling me. So they walked up the stairs to find me a gross mess. I had never been so mortified in my life. I hid my head under my arms and screamed. I have not cared about such things ever since. Thanks dad.

*When I lived with A we lived in a building with a bad mouse infestation. They gave us sticky traps because the mice ate the peanut butter off the real traps and survived. One day a mouse got caught in the trap and started squealing. We both cried. She cried because she felt bad for it. I cried because it wouldn't die and I couldn't make myself go near it. I ran downstairs and asked the concierge to help us. He laughed at us as he put the sticky tray and mouse in a plastic bag, beat it against the wall, and then tossed it down the garbage chute.

*I once did a show based on a grim fairy tail. I sewed a dress made entirely of rags and then covered it in mud and twigs. This was my costume. We performed the show in a wing of a Villa and before the show started we were instructed to run around the woods and swing from trees outside. One of those days a wedding reception was being held in the same villa and we still popped out of the trees and yelled in tongues at anyone going past. They thought it was great and had no idea what was going on but they still did the chicken dance with us. Can you imagine twelve dirt covered kids that only grunted showing up to your wedding?

*When I was young and constantly going to sleepovers we always snuck out in the middle of the night to dance in the graveyard as long as there was one within walking distance. We were disturbed kids.

*I used to sneak into the cupboards and get finger fulls of Crisco. Mmmmm

*I once had an acting job in the local cemetery. I was acting the part of a fifteen year old girl that died working illegally in the candy factory. She was decapitated in the elevator. I told her story while standing on her grave.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

School Memory Number One

My first school memory is in kindergarten. We sat on a colorful carpet for music time and our music teacher Mr. Kermit Wells was attempting to teach us rhythm. He taught music class K-6 Grades for the entire district. To help teach us the song they drew out the lyrics in pictures. We were little, we couldn't read. I loved music time. Some of the kids would roll around on the carpet and drool. I sat in perfect Indian style facing Mr. Wells with his keyboard in his lap. I was in my hot pink t-shirt with the teddy bear holding gold heart shaped balloons. How can I possibly remember that detail? The teacher was playing and wanted us to clap along. I clapped. I knew where the claps went without thinking. The other kids were lost. They had no idea. Then Mr. Wells stopped and said. "None of you are getting this right. I want you to watch the teacher (our regular class teacher whose name I don't recall) or you right there. You've got it right. Raise your hand so everybody can watch you" He pointed at me! Out of all the kids in the class he pointed me! I was so proud of myself. Take that freak kid that knows how to multiply already. You don't know how to clap properly and I do. Yay for me.

I have wondered several times throughout my life why this memory stands out to me so clearly. I remember what I was wearing. I know I was facing north when it happened. I remember a lot about that teacher but then again I did see him once a week for seven years. I wonder if I was already musically inclined or if that small bit of positive reinforcement nudged me in that direction. It's really amazing what a teacher is capable of in a child's life in just a brief passing moment. Something adults should remember.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Peaches, Graduations, and More F'n Rain

Whoa, sorry I've been away but I got really busy over at Peachfest yesterday and I'm exhausted! Doc and The Mountain Cat at You Just Keep On Believing That hosted a great party yesterday afternoon and somehow we made it to over 1,000 comments in a few short hours. There was body painting, pudding wrestling, cocktail hour, genitalia museums, and all kinds of other stuff. It was the best blog party I've ever seen. They even gave me this sweet shirt!

In other news...
As of this past Monday Casey/TLJ has graduated from nursing school! Congratulations baaaaaby!
In celebration we had champagne with dish soap in it. Delicious!

Damn it! I just looked over at the windows and it's raining again. All this rain can only mean one thing... the end of the world. Either that or it's just the season where it rains all the freakin' time. I wish it would stop because I think I'm getting sick and I'm way too busy over the next several weeks to be a moody bitch. Moodier than usual that is.

I'm going to sneak off to the stairwell for a nap now.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Ink Me

I graduated from a musical theater academy when I was nineteen years old. Just days after graduation I was lucky enough to get a call from a children's theater company asking if I could be in Philadelphia by the end of the week to do a three month tour. I packed up my stuff and got on the bus. Seven of us traveled in a giant van across the country seeing the sights and avoiding interaction with the children after shows. I have both good and bad memories of this experience. One of the best was visiting San Francisco. I love the feel of that city. Something about it makes me comfortable. If I had to leave New York, that is the first place I would want to go.
While walking down Haight street I decided to stop in at Mom's Body shop for my first Tattoo. It was something I had been talking about doing for awhile and I figured this was a somewhat momentous time in life. I payed the hot artist and he provided me with this Gemini symbol on my hip.
It didn't originally look like that. At first it was a little more girly. I remember being scared that it would really hurt but it was kind of a good pain. When we were done we went to some posh outdoor restaurant where I recall drinking the best wheat beer I have ever had in my life. I think I can thank the high adrenaline levels from scarring my body for life for that.

Days later I wanted another one but decided not to to encourage my new found addiction for awhile. Last year in March I got a new idea in my head that I became obsessed with. I really wanted an ankle tattoo of my initials. I love my name and I wanted something I could show off if I felt like it. So I went to Whatever Tattoo in NYC one day and asked the chick to hand me the font book. I was alone for that tattoo and it made me feel strong in an odd way. I had a lot going on in my head at the time regarding my own mortality and where my life was going.

A few months later, I can't remember when exactly, my mother was in town. She agreed to come to the parlor with me and Casey. He was having a lot of intricate design added to his old arm tat and I wanted to make my Gemini tat look a little... sharper. Somehow we convinced my mom to go ahead and get her cartilage pierced. We said it wouldn't hurt that bad. Turns out the guy piercing her ear was really angry about having to crawl out of bed at three pm and shove a needle in someone. He never said a word and was rather rough, and gross. Her ear never did heal so she finally took it out. Sorry mom.

Now it's time for more. But what?

Friday, May 16, 2008

A few things on my mind.

*I need to go to the gym tonight. Why can't the gym be conveniently located in my building? I hate having to change clothes just for the trip to and from a place only eight blocks away.

*I only have one tanning session left. I bought four in the hopes that I would get a little bit of color to start me off and then the sun would be out on weekends. Then I wouldn't have to worry so much about burning when I go to the Bahamas. Three sessions in I've noticed it hasn't helped much and still the sun refuses to make a worthwhile appearance on the weekends.

* I'm going to the Bahamas in three weeks! I hope it doesn't rain the whole time. I'm such an optimist aren't I? Mmmm, beach, island fun, and Casey. I can't wait.

* In a little over a week I'm meeting Casey's entire family for the first time. I'm scared and excited. I'm cool right? They'll like me. Won't they? In all honesty I'm mostly excited. For any newer readers that haven't figured it out yet, I'm dating Casey. Casey is a he not a she.

* That Rock Band post went over surprisingly well. I figured I have a lot more people defending it. I still maintain that it is evil. Is "still maintain" redundant? I think it is.

* Two people quit today at work. I'm jealous.

*I need to buy a bathing suite for previously mentioned Bahamas trip. This has proven to be an obnoxious venture. First of all, you need to try bathing suites on to make sure you don't look odd. I don't want to try them on because I don't know who put it on before me and if they read the little sticker in the crotch that reminds you to keep your underwear on for sanitary purposes. Also, it's kind of a smack to your ego when you realize, hmm, that didn't look like that last year. Or did it?

*I sent out my birthday e-vite yesterday. It will be the usual day of drinking and prancing about the park or prancing about a bar if it rains.

This is the picture I used on the invitation. I call this "Body Surfing."

Want to come?

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Rock Band

Dear Rock Band,

I hate you. Sure you provide endless entertainment for video game nerds around the world but shouldn't they be outside getting some sun on their pasty faces or God forbid, learning to play REAL instruments? Sure you are an amusing game. Lights and images all a flutter with cool tunes blasting. Even I enjoy looking for the first half hour and then the motion sickness comes. I have to look away or I will hurl on your cheap guitar with the colorful buttons designed to simplify the ever so complicated concept of strings.

I have to admit, for a little while I enjoy playing or singing along. Then I get angry. I get angry because you are a computer game and you are ruining the music for me. Not only do you force our pretend band that is intensely staring at a tv screen to play note for note second for second EXACTLY what you tell us to but you also make it so that the music is being overpowered by loud clicking of plastic buttons and drum beats. All the clicking makes my head spin. It seriously spins like a poltergeist took over. That is what you do to me Rock Band. That is exactly what you do.

Everybody else just loves you. "Aren't you fun! What a great game you are!" I know what you are trying to do. You are trying to take over the world. You are trying and damnit you are winning you bastard. Nobody seems to see it but me. The novelty of pretending to be a rock star doesn't wear intensifies. They grow addicted to you. Suddenly you are the only thing anybody wants to do. Oh, your followers may think I'm exaggerating but I'm on to you. I'll let them play but I'll be watching. I'll be watching with a set of garden sheers on your power cord. If I see even the slightest hint of my friends turning into zombies, you will die. I will beat you to death with your own bass driven right through your drum set. Screw you Rock Band!

Kiss Off,


Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Man Of My Obsession

It's been awhile since I last went off on a tangent about the love of my life. Long time readers know exactly who I'm talking about. That's right, I'm talking about the king of cool and the sexiest man to have ever lived DEAN MARTIN. Oh my beautiful Dino, my obsession with you gets stronger all the time. Wait, I just remembered Jay and Jo were going to drive across country with me so I can lay across his grave. Remember Jo? You promised to pack snacks and not remove my leather boots. *Sigh* what a wonderful trip that would be.

This is one of my favorite Dino songs. He is such a goofy bastard he screws up the whole thing and it's perfectly delightful that way.

Hilarious. It makes me want to sit in his lap.

Here is another little bit of gorgeousness for you.


Well, my day is much brighter now.

Friday, May 9, 2008

Pimp My Blog - Part Three

Yesterday I couldn't figure out what got me thinking about scars. I did a whole post about it and never put two and two together until Dana from Amid Life's Crisis stopped by in the comments section. I suddenly realized I'M A THIEF! Dana did a beautiful post yesterday for Half Naked Thursday. I totally forgot that is what got me thinking about it. Shame on me. At the same time I realized it's pimp my blog time and who could be a better pimp candidate than the person inspiring me to copy them? So yes, this week I'm telling you all to go visit Amid Life's Crisis where you will find a very beautiful women baring her soul and on Thursday's a little skin. Dana is very honest and open in her writing which covers a bit of everything including her son, her love life, even all her political and social views. Her strength is an inspiration. Did I sell you yet? I never said I was good at pimping. She can sell her self, just go look!

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Moments Marked In Scar Tissue

Today I was looking at a little scar on my thumb that I have had for about nine years now. It's been a part of me for so long that I don't ever notice it anymore. I'm not sure what got my mind going on the idea but I started thinking about all the little scars on my body and where I got them. Maybe they were not important times of my life but it's still a lifetime worth of stories that make me who I am.

When I was in high school I worked at an ice cream store where we used those little malt machines attached to the wall that spin really fast and make that whirring sound. I was good at my job and I was fast so I always had the mixers on high speed even if the ice cream was too hard. One day the cup slipped and I caught my hand in the mixer. I went home with a bloody towel covering the badly cut up hand (nobody wants to be served a blood sundae).All that is left is a quarter inch line on my thumb and pinky.

My knees still show a few little marks of the childhood days of bike riding down gravel hills and roller skating on pavement. I had skinned knees so often it's a wonder they ever healed. Somewhere during that time I recall celebrating the 4th of July in our backyard. My parents were letting me and my brother play with sparklers. Sparklers should be the safest of all fireworks but somehow I got a hot ember on my wrist that has scarred me for life. I've noticed that as I got bigger, so did that white circle.

On that same wrist I have a mark from my old roommate A. I used to pick on her a lot and we would get into playful slapping fights. I grew up with a brother so play fighting seems normal to me. She grew up with a sister so she didn't always play right and she would dig her long nails into my skin. I guess she got a good grip one of those days because I will always have a puffed up white crescent mark to remember the four years we lived together like siblings.

While I was inspecting my hands I noticed a little indentation on the inside of my left arm. It's a chicken pock mark from childhood that I have not thought about in a very long time. I used to have one on my eyelid as well so I grabbed the compact mirror on my desk and sure enough it's still there. It's funny how I can spend time every day applying eyeshadow and mascara but I never notice that indentation. I remember when I had the chicken pox I was allergic to the medication they gave me so on top of the pox I had hives. That sucked.

A few years ago I was having a little fling with an old friend and we ended up at the music museum he worked at in the middle of the night. Long story short I still have the fading marks of carpet burn on my spine.

Last but not least, the most recent scar was obtained some point this past year. I stabbed myself in the leg with a butcher knife. Right through my jeans and into my thigh. I was trying to cut something in a plastic container while it was on my lap. Yeah, I'm an idiot.

I wonder what will be next. How about you? Do you have any interesting scars to share?

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

WWC- Set My Blog On Fire!

I missed several weeks of the WWC because I am a procrastinator. Every week Tuesday sneaks up on me and I'm supposed to have pictures up but I always find that I forgot to take them. This time I remembered to take my camera with me on the way out of the apartment. Our WWC host Tink gave us the words THREE and FIRE last week. This is the crap I came up with:

This is Brian's daily dilemma. He comes into the office and has to decide which of the THREE chairs in his cubicle will be his bum rest for the day.

These are our THREE office plants. I used to take care of the one on the left but it kept growing towards my co-worker so I gave him custody. I still say hello on occasion. No hard feelings.

FIRE Hydrant

I set the toilet on fire. I'm still not quite sure why I did that.

Oh yeah, that's right. I'm a bit of a pyro.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Pimp My Blog - Part Two

It's time to Pimp some bloggers! This week I'm going to recommend everyone visit R.E.H. over at Ramblings of a Madman.

I suppose this is all somewhat pointless because most people already know who he is. Yes he is that cool. R.E.H. always has something happening. He hosts the monthly Picture Fiction Challenge which is all of his own creation. I have only participated once because I don't have that kind of skill or patience but he sure does. I look forward to his story every time the end date is near. He is in the middle of writing the story of his love life "Rubicon Heart". If you have missed out on it go read it now. I believe this is what he used to get his following of female bloggers that are constantly admitting to fantasies about him in his comments section. I mentioned R.E.H. a few posts ago because one of my favorite monthly features he does should happen tomorrow. It's called "3rd" and is done on the third of the month. It's his way of getting all his commenters tied into a story challenge and it's always hilarious. I'm particularly fond because I'm bound to find new fantastic bloggers each time. Speaking of his commenters, I would like to talk about the fun to be found in that section alone. There is one special person without a blog that likes to come in and rip him to shreds. Usually they don't make a whole lot of sense but it still gets his other readers defensive. Myself included. This caused a group of three women to join up in his comments section as R.E.H.'s Angels. Myself Included!

Let's Meet the other Angels

Cinder-Single aka my blogging sister. No we don't really know each other. I don't even remember how the sister thing came about but it stuck! Single has a great blog that is always good for a smile. She is a real sweet heart and was recently trying to figure out this thing called love but I just noticed it was changed to life. The change must have come when Disney appeared on her blog and she changed her name from Single in the City. Hey, we all need to change it up sometimes. Good luck Single!

Farmer*swife is one of my favorite people to follow around the blogosphere. Not only does she have a great blog where she rambles about her obsessive compulsive cleaning habits. She also leaves hilarious comments on everyone else's blog. Especially R.E.H. I think the best moments must be the late nights when she is waiting out her husbands "snore factor" and possibly on an Ambien or Shiner high. Go over and check out her beautiful sunset pictures actually taken from her kitchen! It's always fun to see what kind of trouble her kids are getting into. They look like little angels but farmer*swife has some stories to let you know the truth behind those adorable faces.

So there you go. R.E.H. and his three hot angels. Really we are. Check them out.