Friday, January 30, 2009

It's Probably Time

As you may or may not know, it is part of my job to watch commercials and keep up with new campaigns. Yesterday I was watching Super Bowl ads set to launch this weekend. This one seems to be speaking directly to me in every way.

Yeah, it's time.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

I miss acting.

I miss getting excited about a character and examining a script knowing you will be telling the story. I love the preparation and rehearsal required to build relationships with other characters and to captivate the audience. Working with another actor and a director going beat by beat to perfect the scene is one of the best ways I can imagine spending my time. I miss even the smallest things like stage markers and finding the light. I really wanted this to be my life but somehow I got sidetracked by money. I was terrified of not paying rent or eating and being on a tour for the rest of my life. I didn't believe in myself. I didn't think I would ever be proud of myself. I didn't think I would be able to take care of myself.

When I started working at the company where I am currently employed it was part time. Only fifteen hours a week so maybe I could still audition. It didn't come close to paying rent of course. I was picking up other random jobs at theaters and promotional modeling gigs. I wasn't acting but I was gal Friday to a lot of places. It got old. I was offered more hours at my day job and I happily took them for the money. The woman I was working with got ill and had to leave on disability. I got her job. Next thing you know I keep getting promoted and I'm in a totally new department working long hours and wondering what happened to my life. I'm completely dependent on the security and afraid to pursue what I really want. I don't even call myself an actor anymore.

I don't know how this turned into a dear diary post. I wanted to write and the stream of conscious brought me here. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled that I have had a few shows recently and singing is really my love but I can't help feeling like I'm missing out on something I once promised myself.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Inadequate Equipment

I either have cramps or my soul is dying. I'm betting it's my soul.

I've been in the office for nine hours now and it's at least another hour before I will be able to leave. At one point I walked down to the lunch area and got some shitty coffee with animal crackers out of a vending machine. That was my four minute lunch. I think if I don't get out of this chair more often I will turn into a hunchback. That's really going to piss me off because I have no idea where hunchbacks are supposed to shop for clothes. Wait, maybe that is a business opportunity just waiting to be tapped into. Are there enough people out there in need of that extra back space to justify starting a clothing line? Can you tell how desperate I am for any change of scenery whatsoever?

I have some sort of freakish e-mail addiction. I have to check my mail constantly or I get a little manic over what I could be missing. Just my personal accounts of course. I have no real desire to constantly check my work mail. Not only is my work mail consistently providing more crap to the pile but it also has the ability to make me feel like less of a man. When I sat down at my desk this morning I had several messages from my own e-mail address and this is what I was greeted with in the subject lines of my unread mail:

Don’t lack confidence if front of women
Never be lonely again
Every girl will beg you for more
Denise rode me to ectasy all night
Never be lonely again
Ashamed of your small tool?
Never be lonely again
Want to put on the inches?
Nothing like a big steel rod in her
She’ll always want to go down on you
Give it to her big time
Make her bring you home
Show off your new longer rod ASAP
Growing big is super easy
Grow massive with ease

I'm a little creeped out. It appears I am the only person in the office with this spamming issue. I obviously don't have to worry about this problem but if I did I would certainly want to know who was spreading the word of how inadequate my equipment is. Actually I think the most disturbing part is how often I appear to tell myself to never be lonely again. It sneaks in there a lot. *That's what she said.* Showing off my longer rod ASAP did make me laugh. Something about getting it out ASAP seems really inappropriate while I'm at work.

Friday, January 23, 2009

The News

I've been busy lately. One of the things that occurred was that I reported someone to a news station and this happened:

This clip cuts off the story early. I was actually on the news and if I find a better version I will post it but for now if you want the whole story you can view it on the news website here.

UPDATE: Gary found the link for me. GO HERE TO WATCH.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

44th Prez in the House

Today at 11:54pm EST I walked with a couple coworkers into our conference room to watch the Inauguration of President Barack Obama on a projector set up by our IT department.

I watched Aretha Franklin sing out in a bizarre but appropriately distracting hat while Cheney was wheeled around. I listened while vice president Joe Biden skipped over a couple pieces in his excitement and possible confusion. I attempted to decipher a poem that was possibly incredible but I couldn't get past the fact that it sounded like a reading lesson. I will blame that on nerves. Most importantly I watched a man that appeared so in shock by the momentous occasion he actually stumbled over most of the words. I was smiling for him. A real person. Our president.

It's about time.

Now let's hose out the house and see if maybe we can work on a few things.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Rockin' and Rollin'

I have started going to Rock & Roll Karaoke night at Arlene's Grocery Monday nights. It's basically a dirty old bar with a rock band that lets you choose a song from their set list and sing it live on stage with them. It's a decent size crowd that shows up to this wild evening to scream their heads off. I went for the second time last Monday. Casey and I decided to go early so we could get our names in the book and sing early on.

We walked in at the same time as a guy that was their the week before and is clearly a regular. He is 40 years old with an unkempt mohawk, a dirty leather jacket, and the worst case of body odor imaginable. He very well could be homeless actually. So the three of us walk into the bar and some sort of comedy show is in the works so we belly up to the bar and sit on the stools to watch the end of the show. It wasn't bad especially since we came in at the end and didn't have to pay. While the show is going on I happen to look at a guy sitting to my left and realize he looks familiar.

Does anyone remember my Missed Connections post? Last July I saw a guy on a train that I had posted a missed connection about in 2004 as a joke and he found it. We don't really know each other put our paths kept crossing somehow. Well, he was now sitting next to me. This time I said hello and let him know I have been reading his blog. It was a very unusual experience for me. I have never even seen some of the neighbors that live on the same floor as me in my apartment building but somehow I keep running into this guy. Luckily he seems like a normal person. So my evening started out with this odd occurrence. It would take a lot to top that, right? Apparently not.

Fast forward. The band is playing. People are singing. Creepy stinky guy is jumping around up front and wait, what is that? He is making out with some chick? Eww. They are making such a big scene that the band actually comments on the fact that it's a good night because this dude somehow found a girl. She is kind of scaring me. Casey is up to sing before me. He is in the middle of rocking "Don't You Forget About Me" when he pauses to mention that the chick is showing her tits. Yep, he announced it to the whole crowd because that is what a rocker should do. This chick is not only showing them but she took off her whole shirt and bra. Nasty stinky guy was cupping and fondling while Casey was singing and the whole audience was watching the show.

One of the fun aspects of Rock & Roll karaoke is that they usually have a photographer there taking pictures of all the singers. He gets a couple hundred photos and posts them all to flickr for the world to see. Guess what the majority of Casey's pictures looked like. Yep, a greasy topless chick with Casey in the background. That is Rock and Roll my friends. That is how it's done.

Monday, January 12, 2009


It's national Delurking Day in blog land. If by chance there is anyone reading this today is the day to leave a comment and make yourself known! Anyone? Bueller?
*Credit to Rude Cactus for creation of Delurking Day.

Last Thursday night I went to a hypnotism show. Casey decided to participate and did many an amusing thing including playing butt guitar and making love to a chair that he was calling a chicken. He remembers everything and felt more like he was playing along rather than doing things unintentionally. Yeah, I'm glad I stayed in the audience. It was hilarious.

Spamalot (The Monty Python Musical) had it's final show on Broadway last night. I went in 2005 while the show was still in previews with the original cast and then again last night. It was really exciting to see the final show with Eric Idle coming up on stage after the curtain call and giving a speach thanking everyone. He asked all people in the audience that had been a part of the show at any point to come up. David Hyde Pierce was there and looking, well, sort of pale and scary. It was a great experience. I've never been at the closing night of a Broadway show. It's bitter sweet.

Did any lurkers show up yet? Reveal yourselves!

Monday, January 5, 2009

Bad Dreams

The other night I had a very vivid dream and when I awoke I couldn't seem to shake it. It started out being my normal confusion of a dream where who I am with keeps changing at random as does our location. I was North of San Francisco for some reason and I needed to find a zip car (rental car) because I had a performance later that night. I was in a huge rush and was very anxious in my dream. While I'm running out to find a car I am in New York. Somehow in my dream this makes complete sense to me. We (I have no idea who I was with.) were running up to a building that we thought might be the correct location to find the car when suddenly I hear a horrible loud boom in the distance. I look up and the skyline is suddenly mushrooming up in an explosion of smoke and fire. It was enormous. I stood there looking at it in shock. Then it was like a wave of heat from the fire hit me and I realized the whole island would soon be ablaze. The person I had been running with pulled me into the building we were headed towards in an effort to find safety. Inside we found an empty area of cement floor and walls with stairs to more of the same. There was nowhere to go and I came to the realization that we were going to die there. This is when I forced myself awake. I don't die in my dreams. I often wake up and force my dreams to go another way but for some reason I could find no solution and in this story in my head that is the only ending I have. Sure now that I'm completely awake I can think of any number of things that could suddenly happen. I should go running for the river and swim to Jersey. It's too late though. I needed to dream it. Does anyone else have this problem? Do you have dreams that are so troubling you can't get past it?

Once my mother called me at an odd time and said she just needed to know I was okay because she had a dream I killed a man and boiled his head to hide the evidence. Yes, I said my mother had this dream. I had a nightmare as a child that an alligator ate my brother. I woke up crying and wrote a story for school about it. Why are the good dreams so hard to remember comparatively?