What Month Is It?

It's the last day of April. Does anyone else feel like that month never happened?

I missed the last several PFC's even though I did take pictures for all of them. I'll just post them all at once and pretend it's allowed.

May is going to be so damn busy! How does that saying go? April showers bring May flowers, right? Maybe the God forsaken rain will stop and I can go outside to play.

It's a well known fact that Madman R.E.H. is a modern day Apollo and he always has all the ladies swooning.

Confused? Well, it is the last post of the month and if I can count correctly, it's my 9th sentence. I'm attempting to mess with R.E.H. in the future. Hope he doesn't change the rules on me! I'll include him on my Friday Pimp list so you can be in on the joke. He really does make the ladies swoon though. Just check out his comments section and you'll see. Oh crap, I'm already pimping.

Er, uh.... what now? I found this link for Infants Blood. Too creepy? How about a semi creepy link to horrible tattoos? Maybe you are in the market for flamingos. Whatever, I have to get back to work.

What's in a dream?

Today I woke up and Casey was already out of the shower. For some reason I could still remember part of my dreams and I began to tell him:

Knight: "I had a dream you told me you have Meningitis."

Casey: "Meningitis? That's scary."

Knight: You got it from chicken.

Casey: I don't think you can get it from chicken.

Knight: Probably Not.

We were sleeping in a parking lot.

Casey: Hmm, that's probably how I got the Meningitis.


It's really sweet of him to humor me at times like this. I couldn't even open my eyes yet.

What I really remember from the dream is that I was in the audience of some sort of show. When it was over, they sent chickens into the audience. I hate birds so this was a nightmare for me. People were exiting slowly up the isle because the birds didn't bother them meanwhile I was in a panic, jumping over seats while a chicken chased me trying to peck me. Somehow this turned into me thinking I had meningitis from a chicken. I don't even know if that is possible but I highly doubt it.
The next thing I remember is waking up in the dark with Casey but light was coming from somewhere and I realized we were sleeping in a car in a parking lot with several stores in a row. This is when he decided to tell me he had Meningitis. He said I probably did too. I was thinking I got it from the chicken and gave it to him so I felt really bad. Suddenly I remembered I was running late for work so I went into the 7/11 to change clothes and clean up. While I was in the bathroom someone kept beating on the door and screaming for me to get out. For some reason I had all my stuff all over the floor and I was panicking. I kept trying to pick it all up but there was more every time I turned around. Then I opened the door and a little girl came in to brush her hair in the mirror of the bathroom. I could see her mom leaning against a wall watching her and glaring at me. Very large, scary, truck driving, kinda woman. Then I went to make myself a coffee and this must have been when I woke up.

So what in the hell is that about? I don't know how I came up with that disease. I'm never in a car unless it's a taxi. I don't know where to find a parking lot let alone a 7/11. I would never, ever, touch anything that touched the floor in a public bathroom. What the hell?

Anyone want to make any guesses on this one?

Son of a B*!#$!

I wrote this whole damn blog about how shitty it is outside. It was poetic in a disturbing way. I bitched about it being 50 degrees outside but the dumb-asses at the office have the air conditioning on. Then I went on to explain how I fake baked for the first time in years yesterday and didn't see any change in skin tone except my bright red ass. I advise you not to wear jeans when your ass is burned. I wrote about running into an old friend on the train this morning. It was horribly uncomfortable because we used to spend a lot of time together and I could not remember his damn name. Well, it all made sense in my first post but then the f'ing computer froze up and it disappeared forever. Have a wonderful Monday dammit.

Pimp My Blog

Today I feel like starting a new Friday feature entitled PIMP MY BLOG where I will pimp out to my readers whatever particular blogger or specific posting has recently filled me to the brim with emotion... or knocked my socks off if you will. I feel that a good blog deserves some extra kudos and you all should know where to go for a good read.

The first blogger you should check out is the talented and beautiful both inside and out JO of Whatever. She recently did a post entitled "Beauties & Beasties". I thought it was fantastic and worth a read from everyone. So go read it.

also

HOT NAKED LADIES!

Go have a gander at them. Go... go before I continue! Seriously I mean it!!

The awesome and creative beyond belief Matt-Man at Bagwine Ruminitions has started the newest blogging craze with his talent for selling people. Wait, that didn't sound right. Maybe it did. He has created the highly coveted Blog-Fo-Mercials that everyone has been talking about. He posts one for a new blogger every Friday and considering his fan base he is probably booked for the rest of his life. This week the blog-for-mercial just happened to be for one of my biggest blog crushes JAY of Cynical Bastard. Everyone go see how well he can pull off the viking look.

I hope I have been an efective enabler of your internet addiction. Have a lovely weekend.

It's a Drug

Last night I went out to dinner with my good friend A. She was coming from her big screen premiere that she didn't invite anyone to but from the sound of it everything went beautifully. She was in good spirits as was I so after some humus and a drink or two we headed to Union Square where we sat on the steps smoking cigars. We talked about plenty of things but mostly about our mutual love for the city. Around twelve thirty I decided I better get home and wash the smoke off so I could get to work on time the next morning. She went downtown to sip juleps with her lover. We were on a seasonal city buzz. It's the energy. It takes over you like a drug. At one point in the evening A. introduced me to this song:



I was hooked immediately. First of all I have always been a fan of George Orwell's 1984. This was an interesting twist of what he was saying. I thought I should share it with you all in the off chance someone might find it as amusing as I did.

"Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle." -George Burns

Welcome Spring (You flighty bastard.)

Friday night was a nice night in the city. Conveniently placed about fifteen seconds from my building entrance is a Mexican restaurant with margaritas by the pitcher. Everyone knows that on the first nice night of spring one must enjoy mass quantities of some sort of Mexican drink. I would never dream of breaking this rule so Casey was kind enough to meet me and appease the lords of liquor. Since it wasn't quite warm enough to spend the remainder of the evening streaking down Broadway we decided to attempt watching a movie and failed.

Saturday was even better than Friday weather wise. I thought I better get my pasty limbs to the park and start sunning. It's already difficult to sleep since I have become glow in the dark so I strapped on my roller skates and made my way to a grassy spot in the sun. To absolutely nobodies surprise, every other New Yorker was also in central park trying to get sun. As we all brawled for a patch of grass we left our apartments unattended so the robbers had plenty to do. I own nothing of worth so I don't worry about these things. Take my TV from the 90's ... I dare you!

So I sat in the sun for a few hours thinking I was probably getting a nice burn. Nope. Nothing. The slightest hint of a line on my stomach maybe. What the hell? I'm translucent and I can't even get a burn after hours of sun exposure. So I skated to the salon and got my hair highlighted instead. Getting your hair highlighted takes a freakishly long time so at six o'clock I go running home (skates in hand) to get showered and dolled up in my hot black dress. Then I have to be downtown by 6:45. Someone please give me credit for getting ready in only twenty minutes! Single, you know what I mean, right?

Anyway, I head off to dinner and then a comedy show benefit for AIDS Walk. It was fun. Sort of odd. Some white chick dressed in tight overalls sang a song about stealing my purse. I helped my friend JBS pick up a really hot crippled comedian with nice teeth. He fell asleep during a particularly bad comedy show later that eve so the pick up wasn't looking good but apparently it was just a power nap and everything worked out just fine. So I left the two of them in a cab and headed to a birthday party in Hell's Kitchen around midnight. I walked up to the bar just in time to help smuggle in slightly under age college kids. I had not been to this place before (I guess I'm out of the loop now.) so I wasn't prepared to have gyrating men in briefs sweat on me as I tried to order a drink. Oh yeah, this was a gay bar so for most of the night Go-go dancers are on the bar. Then Peppermint showed up and did a couple numbers. Peppermint is pretty much the most popular drag queen in New York these days. I remember several years ago when she first started hosting cattle call at Therapy. Oh, Therapy is a bar and cattle call is a talent show of sorts. Anyway, she had us all sing happy birthday to my friend and then I headed home because apparently I'm getting too old for this shit.

Around three am I decided to check my messages and discovered I won a LION KISS from The Mountain Cat over at You Just Keep On Believing That!


Sadly, this award was bestowed upon me because I suggested the Pope might have plans to bless NYC vendor's hot dog water thus making delicious Holy Hot Dogs. Wait, did I say sadly? I am very proud and thankful to the Mountain Cat for this honor. I just wish I hadn't decided to write a comment at three am about getting tongued by a mountain lion. Sorry about that.

Then Sunday happened but nothing could top this award so I'll bring this post to a close. Hasta la vista.

Quirks

Taking a break from the story telling for now. I figure since it's Friday I should lighten the mood and take Jo's quirks suggestion. So, I sat at my desk trying to think of some and I didn't come up with anything. I am that lame. Then I figured, I see my co-workers all day every day and we go out occasionally. They might be able to come up with something. These are the responses I got.

1) Wide Eyed Stare. Okay, this is true. When I don't feel like responding I will just stare at you. It might look like I don't understand or I'm expecting a response but I do it because it makes people uncomfortable. I also do this out of the blue. This causes people to say "what?" as if I spoke to them. Most people are used to it by now but it sure is fun.

2) Black boots in summer. What? I like them. It's not like they are snow boots. They are leather.

3) Casual mention of disturbing situations. I'm not the type to get over excited. If something happens I might look over at the nearest person and casually say "Hey, did you see that plane just crash into that building over there?" They don't take me seriously at first but then they realize I'm serious and they can make a big deal of it.

4) Complete infatuation with Dean Martin. I don't get why this is a quirk. He was a glorious being. I hope to one day lay across his grave and declare my undying devotion to him. That isn't odd is it?

5) Repulsion of Poultry. Birds are gross. They are. I have not eaten bird for around ten years. I don't want birds flying near me. I don't like pet birds. I hate birds.

6) Crafty gifts for co-workers. Sometimes I write little nonsense notes and post them in their cube. I draw or print pictures and leave them around for them to find. I write events into their calendars. Like "Bath Day" or "Stump Appreciation Day". That's just the basic stuff.

That reminds me. The doorman of our office building, whom must be in his 70's, used to hand me cologne samples every day when I came in. I think he thought it was perfume. I was trying to be nice but eventually he asked me out. I thanked him for the offer and told him I'm not single. He stopped giving me gifts. It's too bad because I gave them to my co-workers each time and we had quite a collection started. I miss the doorman before him that mysteriously disappeared. He gave me books.

Have a lovely Friday!