Depressed Again

I am in such a foul mood today. I know that is usually the norm for people on a Monday but man I am pissy. I think it’s a multitude of things sucking all at once that really made this happen but I am going to blame it on this little thing called My Gratitude Journal. (This journal was given to everyone at my office by the boss.)

I especially hate My Gratitude Journal today because it makes me feel like shit. Each day I get a little daily quote of nonsense from some woman I’ve never heard of. Then I’m supposed to write out what it means to me. Every single day I get nonsense like “Plan purposefully, prepare prayerfully, proceed positively, pursue persistently.” Followed by, “What does this mean to you?” I think it means somebody gets off on alliteration. In total you just said a bunch of words and left it to me to make the actual positive statement or thought out of it. I’m not planning for anything so how in the hell can I do it purposefully? I’ve got nothing in life to prepare for so now what? I can’t proceed positively because you just depressed the shit out of me. I have a lot of crap to deal with right now. Give me a break.

Finally after that hell I flip to the next page and they make me fill in a personal goal of the day as well as a work goal of the day. Somehow I can never accomplish even the simplest goal. It takes me two extra days. It’s frustrating because when I look back on why it didn’t work out it’s because something urgent came up or I couldn’t get the sign-off. I feel like I will never catch up. I will never be ahead of the game. Things will never work out as planned.

Now write out ten things you are grateful for.

It’s the only saving point.

At least I know “I am loved”. Even if I can only fill out that one, I’ll make it through today.

Religion - It's not for Children

Sometimes I like to share.

The B Theory

Sunday night I was in a cab with two of my friends as we headed to our apartments after a long day of playing poker. As we chatted a strange conversation came up where one of the friends says “You’ve never heard of the B theory?” At least I think that is what he was calling it. Neither of us were familiar. Apparently the B theory applies to people that you would be interested in sleeping with just once under the terms that it was never mentioned ever again or you never had to see the person ever again. This would be guaranteed. So theoretically, who would be on your list? Close friends? Somebody you don’t like all that much as a person but you think might be amazing in the sack? Your boss? Go ahead and think about it.

*Insert Jeopardy Music – Funkafied for Sex Appeal*

So I thought about it. At first it seemed kind of like a funny idea. This is of course assuming that you are not cheating on anyone and it’s all in good safe fun. I went along with it and tried to think of someone.

That night I had nightmares.

I know it had something to do with the B theory so new and fresh in my mind. That night I had some horrible dream where I was at some sort of class reunion and apparently I went to school at Bayside High because the old classmate I was getting frisky with was Mario Lopez.

AHHHHHHH! I am not a fan of that pretty boy. It got weirder in a suddenly I’m naked in a room full of people sort of way. I woke up feeling a little nauseous and very upset with myself over my lack of taste in personality and overall indiscretion. Turns out the B theory is not for me.

But still, if you could……do you have a name on that list?

It’s 2011 Bitches!

I’m supposed to make some sort of list of ways to better my life or something, right? Why don’t I just compare it to prior years and see if I’m doing better or worse.

I thought I would look back through my little ol’ blog here and see if I made resolutions in the past. It seems I was too depressed to blog around this time last year but I did have a little something for 2009. Let’s take a gander.

My resolutions for 2009 (to be promptly forgotten by 1:05 am) are the following:
1) Find work in life that makes me happy.

2) Stop having seizures...somehow.

3) Replace the lack of drinking with even more sex. (Casey, this is your job. Oh, and apologies to any of Casey's family members that read this and may be traumatized.)

4) Meet a blogger. Anyone want to help me out with this one?

5) Continue having a wonderful life full of great family, friends, and bloggers that brighten it up.


Where the 2009 resolutions stand in 2011:
1) I have a temp job that I kind of like. I don’t fantasize about stabbing people nearly as much as I used to.

2) This seizure thing is not getting better. I just had one the morning of Dec 31st and I had to get on a plane back to New York that afternoon. I certainly didn’t party hard bringing in 2011 that night. I felt bad for my father who had never been around for one before. I know I don’t look or act like myself afterwards and I think I scared him when I wandered into his room and asked for help.

3) Why was there a lack of drinking in 09? What was I thinking? I’m indulging in both acts now although Casey isn’t involved. It seems sleeping with your ex when you are both dating new people would be frowned upon. I looked it up.

4) I met a blogger! It was only about a month ago that I met my first blog friend. Ben is an awesome (and hot) guy. He just moved to the area so hopefully I will be seeing more of him.

5) I failed at the blogger part last year but I’m back on track this year. CHECK.

Should I add some?

1) Continue working on my overall health. That seems like a good, vague choice. That can mean working out while eating sensible food and not doing massive amounts of drugs that will give me diseases and kill me. I’ll try that.
Eh, one is good enough.

Oh, take more nude photos. That will go on the list just as soon as I start taking better care of myself.

Happy New Year Skanks!

Ass For Christmas

My New Favorite Christmas Video.

Double click to see the large version.



Some of you might have figured out already that this is my boyfriend. Creepy, I know. Neil and Sky have been a songwriting duo for several years. It’s about damn time they made this into a video. I’m very proud. Please feel free to share this with your family for the holidays. Maybe grandma needs to ask Santa for ass as well. You never know.

How did I ever survive?

I’ve got this awesome thing called a Droid and it’s basically like having God in my pocket. I don’t remember life before this gadget existed. Can you remember life before you learned to walk? It is my phone, alarm, calendar, internet provider, e-mail, mini ipod, camera, map, event reminder, flashlight, and GPS. I am not able to function without it. Okay, I can but life is significantly more difficult without it and I lose a lot of valuable time.

Today as I nuzzled my little pocket god and tickled the touch screen looking for an address, I suddenly thought of a time when I carried a map in my purse. When I first moved to this city I didn’t know my way around at all. For a ridiculously long time I had a hard time figuring out which way was north. I didn’t know where to find anything (groceries, hardware stores, drugs) so I would just wander and hope I would run into something. I was eighteen in the city by myself with no computer, Internet, TV, calendar, E-mail, Ipod, camera, or friends. I did, however, have a map that couldn’t help me find north. NOW I’ve got friends in low places AND a pocket god.

Do you have any sort of mind blowing technology that has changed your life forever? Perhaps it was the Toast Saber or Lite Brite or this usb powered Shaking Ass. Give me your knowledge oh technically enabled one.
Amen.

The Tree

I finally got all of my decorations up this year. It took awhile but I feel much better now that it's done. Of course I wanted to share all my hard work and holiday cheer with with you. So here it is...........

Yup, that's pretty much it. I broke out those sharpies and a long three minutes later it was time to spike the eggnog. Here is a photo to give a better perspective of how the tree lights up the apartment.

Beautiful. I can't help it. The holiday spirit picks me up and carries me away. For three minutes.