No, I’m not dead yet.

I needed a break. I needed a big break. A lot has happened in the past couple of weeks. For starters, Casey (TLJ) and I are no longer in a relationship. This isn’t something I intend to write about on my blog but I will say that we remain friends and are on good terms. Shortly after that we went through another round of layoffs at the office. This time I got the axe and a severance package that won’t last much longer. I am worried about money but I hated my soul sucking job so much I was actually relieved to be rid of the place forever. Now I’m not quite sure what to do with myself. Which direction should I go? What is my life?

My fantastic friend Jason hooked me up with a last minute temp gig at his office for a couple weeks. That is what I’m doing now. It’s seriously an answer the phone and read a magazine type job so I can finally force myself to update you all on my whereabouts. I’m really thankful he helped me out because any income is good, right? They were really great about working around the small issue that I will be vacationing in Florida the first weekend of April. Yeah, I know vacationing when you have no job is a dumb idea but I’m going with my mother and she set it all up before any of this happened.

I’m singing at the Algonquin Cabaret on Monday. You should come and see it. Okay, almost none of the people that read my blog live anywhere near New York but you are missing all the fun! At least I hope it will be fun. I got a nasty cold and lost my voice over the past week. It isn’t fully back yet. If it doesn’t come back I will sound like shit. That will suck a lot. A LOT I tell you!

This job just got so much more interesting. I was just asked to do a simple task of cutting out pictures that children drew. The place I am temping at services the autism community and the drawings these autistic children made are so unusual. I wish there was some way I could share them with you.

This post is already too long so I’ll just leave this where it is and maybe pick it up tomorrow? We shall see.

Knight Life

Well, I did it. I lived through it. I was so nervous when I got out there that I couldn't keep my knee caps from jumping around but people laughed at all the appropriate moments (which was pretty much the whole show) and it seemed to go fine. I didn't need to leave the stage to throw up even once. I did mess up lyrics on several songs so that sucked. I have the worst on tape. No I will not share it with you. For anyone that is curious, here is the set list:

Come On A My House
Lazy River
God Bless The Child
Black Coffee
Love Me Or Leave Me
Makin' Whoopie
No Moon At All
Peel Me A Grape
My Heart Belongs To Daddy
The Devil And The Deep Blue Sea
Cry Me A River
Lullaby Of Birdland
Night Life

Here is a picture of me on stage with wine and Dean Martin.

I look like a demon. Per usual.

This was taken right after the show. These are two of my best girlfriends.

I was so lucky to have so many friends show up. I really appreciate them coming to support me. It really meant a lot to me to see each of them there and it isn't something I will forget.

I owe my soul to Jason. He directed and kept me sane. He made it funny. How do I repay that? I assume with booze.

Here are some highlights of what happened. My dress was seriously short so I had a lot of ad libbing about trying not to show too much, if you know what I mean. I had a line "My other loves are Dean Martin, and my Lesbian lover Casey, I mean Julie London." Everyone thought this was an accident including Casey. I didn't even write that line! When I did "My Heart Belongs to Daddy" My dad was in the front row and he wouldn't look at me. Unfortunately the whole audience was watching him not watch me. Awkward! Then some other crap happened but I'm getting bored talking about it. Time to move on.

Thanks for all the support and well wishes peeps!

Busy = Screwed

Sooooooo tired! I accomplished nothing this weekend and now I'm screwed. I can barely keep my head up at work. I want to crawl under my desk and take a nap. Oh how wonderful a nap would be.

I still need to find a dress for my show so that was the plan after work today. Find dress then go home and sleep. I was in the office for all of one hour when I was reminded that tonight is drinks with the work peeps as a farewell to my friend Brian who suddenly regained consciousness and resigned to pursue real interests. I can't miss this outing. I can't drink either. I especially can't drink when I'm tired because that is begging for trouble in my case. Health trouble I mean. Not naughty trouble. Perverts.

I leave work at six which commits me to a few hours out with the peeps. I will get home in time to accomplish nothing but going over music. I have rehearsal with a pianist tomorrow night. Maybe I can pull off quick shopping after that? I don't know. Wednesday I HAVE to do laundry. My building has this inconvenient little rule where the laundry room is only open while I'm at work. I only have a few hours after and I'm usually not home in time. Bitches!

My beautiful and awesome eighteen year old cousin will be in town this Friday night until Monday morning. I'm looking forward to seeing her but I'm in a panic. My show is next Wednesday and I need to get shit together. I have to be cool New York cousin that shows her how awesome this city is when more than likely I'll be hyperventilating in my apartment trying to memorize songs. That will be fun!

Can you tell I'm freaking out? I can't decide which is worse; Looking at your calendar and realizing life is so hectic you could throw up or looking at your calendar and realizing there is nothing to look forward to. I'm going to go with throwing up as the better option.

I Tried.

Holy crap this is taking forever. This finished product is embarrassing but by God I promised you a Vlog and you shall have one. Here goes:



Please don't judge too harshly. I'm going to bed.
I promise to try harder next time.

Reprimanding Myself

I've been pretending for a ridiculously long time that I am going to do a cabaret. The thing is, I have no idea why I'm not just doing it. I know what songs I want to use. I have the basic outline and idea of the show. I have the music for all but three pieces that I am considering. What in the hell is wrong with me? Why don't I just hire someone to play and get to it?
I guess I can't get it out of my head that if I fail at what I love I have nothing left to live for. That's scary. What's even more terrifying is that I can trick myself into believing that crap and therefore never even try. Anyone know a pianist?