Has it really only been nine years since my ramblings began? It feels like several lifetimes ago. It WAS several lifetimes ago. Several loves, several careers, several versions of me. I've experienced a lot of traveling and gained wonderful friends bringing opportunities beyond my wildest dreams. Yes, every moment I've ever fought to stay alive has without a doubt been worth it. That last line may seem dramatic but it's just helping me get to my point.
What has become of this blog over the last decade is now mostly just record of what happened to me as I developed and learned to deal with my epilepsy escapades. That wasn't my intention but it's what I needed. It helped me find a community to talk to. It helped me sort my emotions and find my own voice. Possibly of most importance, it remains here to help me remember. Having a neurological disorder I've found that my memory of what happens changes a great deal over time and sometimes I need the help be it good or bad. I'm really thankful for this snapshot of time that gives me pieces of myself I might not otherwise remember.
That all being said, it's about damn time I updated this thing and shared where I am as of today! I'm still awesome so that's good. I still love my job at MFF and I'm currently getting my VISA to travel to Russia this year. I've been sleeping with a beautiful man that's performing on the Grammy's tonight. SO HOT. I spent last week attached to an EEG with a battery pack and rainbow wires dangling like a unicorn mane from the bandages wrapped around my head. I had what I assume was a mild seizure during that time and my fingers are crossed that maybe this means they can figure out which part of my brain is misfiring. If they can do that, they can get me on a more effective medication and maybe, just maybe, I could be seizure free for a significant time. Maybe I won't sleepwalk anymore or wake up with a badly bumped head and bruised butt with no idea what happened. Maybe I won't spend a week crying for no reason while my brain tries to heal. Maybe I could have a relationship with someone that didn't require me watching the pity overtake their eyes when I explain how to help someone convulsing.
It's been nine years and even as of this week I really am filled with hope. I'm thankful for everything I have been lucky enough to experience. I'm happy. I am.
