Friday, August 29, 2008

Knight Life

Well, I did it. I lived through it. I was so nervous when I got out there that I couldn't keep my knee caps from jumping around but people laughed at all the appropriate moments (which was pretty much the whole show) and it seemed to go fine. I didn't need to leave the stage to throw up even once. I did mess up lyrics on several songs so that sucked. I have the worst on tape. No I will not share it with you. For anyone that is curious, here is the set list:

Come On A My House
Lazy River
God Bless The Child
Black Coffee
Love Me Or Leave Me
Makin' Whoopie
No Moon At All
Peel Me A Grape
My Heart Belongs To Daddy
The Devil And The Deep Blue Sea
Cry Me A River
Lullaby Of Birdland
Night Life

Here is a picture of me on stage with wine and Dean Martin.

I look like a demon. Per usual.

This was taken right after the show. These are two of my best girlfriends.

I was so lucky to have so many friends show up. I really appreciate them coming to support me. It really meant a lot to me to see each of them there and it isn't something I will forget.

I owe my soul to Jason. He directed and kept me sane. He made it funny. How do I repay that? I assume with booze.

Here are some highlights of what happened. My dress was seriously short so I had a lot of ad libbing about trying not to show too much, if you know what I mean. I had a line "My other loves are Dean Martin, and my Lesbian lover Casey, I mean Julie London." Everyone thought this was an accident including Casey. I didn't even write that line! When I did "My Heart Belongs to Daddy" My dad was in the front row and he wouldn't look at me. Unfortunately the whole audience was watching him not watch me. Awkward! Then some other crap happened but I'm getting bored talking about it. Time to move on.

Thanks for all the support and well wishes peeps!

Monday, August 25, 2008

Checking In - Update

I don't really have time to do this right now but I'm giving an update anyway.

1) I updated my blogroll. If you are not on it I either A) Deleted you because you never post anything or B) Never added you because I forgot you existed. If any of you are terribly offended I omitted you from my Brilliance list just let me know and I will assess the situation.

2) My cousin was in town for the weekend. The family thought sending her to me for proper corruption the weekend before she leaves for college was a good idea. It was great. She met my friend who has a brand new job as a porn reviewer. A little person performed to Billie Jean in the Subway. She was able to watch my ugly neighbor shower not once but twice. As a welcome to New York memento she was given a cigarette burn by a hobo. It was all very memorable I'm sure.

3) I have a show Wednesday. You should come see it. Until all that is over I probably won't be back. Later Suckers.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Power Shopping

The show is one week from today. Somehow I am sleeping with my heart beating at twice it's normal rate. At least it feels that way. Maybe it is the stomping from the thoughts racing through my head.

The pianist was feeling ill last night so we rescheduled to this Thursday. That means I went out shopping for a dress last night. One thing checked off the list. I'm such a power shopper it's scary. I ran into the store, grabbed anything that looked like a possibility within just a few minutes. I tried it all on as fast as possible and quickly found that only one was acceptable. Just incase, I did another run around the the store. Mind you, the store is Macy's so it's a big f'n place to run around. Finally I just said out loud to nobody in particular "Screw it. This is good enough!" and purchased the damn thing. I'm sure I looked crazy but everyone in that hellhole is crazy so I fit right in.

New fun things I found at Etsy:

Cute Puppy

Blunt Earwear

Dammit Doll

Monday, August 18, 2008

Busy = Screwed

Sooooooo tired! I accomplished nothing this weekend and now I'm screwed. I can barely keep my head up at work. I want to crawl under my desk and take a nap. Oh how wonderful a nap would be.

I still need to find a dress for my show so that was the plan after work today. Find dress then go home and sleep. I was in the office for all of one hour when I was reminded that tonight is drinks with the work peeps as a farewell to my friend Brian who suddenly regained consciousness and resigned to pursue real interests. I can't miss this outing. I can't drink either. I especially can't drink when I'm tired because that is begging for trouble in my case. Health trouble I mean. Not naughty trouble. Perverts.

I leave work at six which commits me to a few hours out with the peeps. I will get home in time to accomplish nothing but going over music. I have rehearsal with a pianist tomorrow night. Maybe I can pull off quick shopping after that? I don't know. Wednesday I HAVE to do laundry. My building has this inconvenient little rule where the laundry room is only open while I'm at work. I only have a few hours after and I'm usually not home in time. Bitches!

My beautiful and awesome eighteen year old cousin will be in town this Friday night until Monday morning. I'm looking forward to seeing her but I'm in a panic. My show is next Wednesday and I need to get shit together. I have to be cool New York cousin that shows her how awesome this city is when more than likely I'll be hyperventilating in my apartment trying to memorize songs. That will be fun!

Can you tell I'm freaking out? I can't decide which is worse; Looking at your calendar and realizing life is so hectic you could throw up or looking at your calendar and realizing there is nothing to look forward to. I'm going to go with throwing up as the better option.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Analyze This

When I turned seventeen my grandmother had me write a one page letter of nonsense with my signature and then submitted it to a certified handwriting analyst. Actually it was more like a half a page of nonsense and a half a page of my signature. The specialist responded with a three page analysis (typed). I remember my grandmother read it before me and highlighted the parts she thought were important.

"Roadblocks will be overcome by you but you pay a price for your determination. Also, be careful of overextending yourself. With your highly independent spirit you will do your own thing in spite of advice which could be contrary to your plans. In a few words, you are deep, sure-footed, determined, secretive, poised and disciplined, emotionally drawn inward. You seek peace and isolation and at the same time seek distinction and recognition."

Sounds like an excessive horoscope right?

Secretive is an odd word that jumped out at me. It sounds like an insult but it's true. I am still fairly secretive and emotionally drawn inward. I was just reading through tons of little papers and napkins that I wrote thoughts on. Stuff I would never share here. I would never share them with anyone. I'll share just enough to get your attention.

Those are the parts grandma found interesting. I, however, found out a whole lot more. Mind you, I'm sharing because this was the me at seventeen. Not the me now. Well, kind of the me now.

Here are tidbits:
(This was the first line.) Looking at your writing I see a person who is very intense and deep. Not too many people can understand your intensity of feelings. All of your senses are heightened. You have rich appetites in all the ways of the senses. Is it true? I don't know.

Your sense of loyalty is very strong as well, making you very caring and deep. A betrayal or hurt of any kind stays with you a long time. Unfortunately I know this is true.

Your strength can be a great attraction but it can also intimidate people. I like to think I've worked on this one.

Do you have a good singing voice? It looks to me like the writing of a very musical person. With your love of richness you could create much beauty in your lifetime. Wow. Thanks guy. I would like to believe that. I guess the keyword is COULD.

You will always carry pieces of the past with you. Souvenirs and reminders of your childhood will always be with you. Wow, I posted a picture of my treasures for the treasures WWC.

Then he wrote some other crap. Interesting isn't it? Don't you want your handwriting analyzed now? That process amazes me quite a bit. Obviously you could look at anybodies handwriting and make a few snap judgments that would be fairly accurate. If it's tiny and a mess they are probably shy or withdrawn and untidy. If they write hearts to dot their eyes they are probably a teen girl. Or wish they were a teen girl. I was surprised he came up with three typed pages of response. I wonder how much he was paid. I have a small handwriting analysis book. Anyone want to submit a sample to me?

Yeah I didn't think you would.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Dirty Dancing

*WARNING - This post is very crass.*

It's time for another blog about SCARY ASS PEOPLE. Saturday night I went out on the town with my friend Ava (previously known as A) We went to the east village or the lower east side. I don't really remember. Wherever we were we stopped at a nice place for a glass of wine and an appetizer. We started off the night well and enjoyed ourselves in a clean, classy environment.

After we left we wandered a bit and Ava decided it might be fun to catch a burlesque show at The Slipper Room. That sounds entertaining, right? She has been there several times and I have certainly seen a lot of burlesque dancing at various venues that was impressive. We figure we will go in, have a drink, and wait for the show. We chatted up the bartender and the room slowly became packed. I don't know how we did it but somehow we pushed through the crowd during the first break between shows and we ended up seated right next to the stage just feet from the dancers. It started off vaguely interesting with a confetti gun prop and a fan dancer performing to the Imperial March. One chick was wearing about twenty pairs of underwear that she kept pulling off. The host was a guy that came out and did a strip tease in his 80's attire to flashdance. Then he pulled the old red sock he was using as a headband and stuffed it in his granny panties for bulk. I'm still talking about the good part of the night just incase you can't tell anymore.

Everything was going fine with the interesting acts until crazy wig came out. She danced for a minute and then hopped off the stage to grab my face and "kiss" me. This was actually more her rubbing her glitter red lips across my chin thus giving me diseases. She then tried to do the same to various other people in the audience but they had the sense to jump back. Then she danced again. It wasn't long before Ava and I noticed that you could see her tampon string and we started feeling bad for her. Like she was modest or something. Unfortunately that string became a part of the act as she started to play it like a guitar. Yep. I kid you not. Crazy wig played away until she tired of this game and just pulled the whole thing out and threw it into the audience. The people scattered like the red sea parting. It would be incredibly creepy and weird if this were all the spur of the moment behaviour of a crazy person but it wasn't. This act was planned. She probably does this on a regular basis. A monthly rotation would be the obvious guess.

Just when you thought it wasn't going to get any worse/better another dancer had to come out and top the act before her. How do you do that? By playing a cardboard guitar shaped like a heart, tearing off your Dr's jacket, and urinating into a glass. SERIOUSLY. This girl started the stream in a thong on stage right into a large glass and then held it out for the audience to see. Like an offering. The glass read "Love Potion." Now you might think that isn't as bad as the tampon incident but I have not even made it to the good part. The chick held out the glass and then went to put it down but suddenly a guy with a group of friends jumped out of his seat, grabbed the glass, and chugged it like a shot! Holy mother of urine, I hope he knew something I didn't but I really don't think he did. The face he made after and the shock in that room... I don't even have words. The dancer stopped dancing and made the call me signal to him several times before leaving the stage.

That is when we decided to call it a night. I have seen a lot of crazy stuff in my life but that certainly was at the top... for this month.... so far. I hope I have properly expressed my trauma. Good luck going to sleep tonight.

He's Got Me Goin - meme

I'm doing a quick meme for my blog sis Ne. I don't intentionally do a lot of these but she implied very kindly that she would be happy if I did. So here it goes.
The “Rules:”

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. After you've answered all of the questions, tag 5 other people and then let them know they've been tagged to do the meme themselves. NO.

- IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY? My Heart Belongs To Daddy (Julie London)
- WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL? Baby Face (Dean Martin)
- HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? Trail Of Broken Hearts (K.D. Lang)
- WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE? I Just Wanna Make Love To You (Etta James)
- WHAT DO YOU OFTEN THINK ABOUT? Don’t Forget To Mess Around (Alberta Hunter)
- WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND? Let’s Fall In Love (Diana Krall)
- WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Blinded By The Light (Manfred Mann’s Earth Band)
- WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? These Are The Days (Jamie Cullum)
- WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Everybody Loves Somebody Sometime (Dean Martin)
- WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? Mrs. Robinson (Simon & Garfunkel)
- WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST? My Man (Billie Holiday)
- WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET? Glad And Sorry (The Faces)
- WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS? Travelin’ Blues (Dave Brubeck)
- WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS? He’s Got Me Goin (Bessie Smith)

This really is the song order that came up. I didn't skip anything. Some are sort of fitting to the topic like Band of Gold for the wedding. Even though the song content implies a horrible wedding. I also found it amusing that my life's purpose is to make love to you. I guess I'm going to be very busy. Some of the answers don't make sense at all. In the end you at least get a peak into my music player to see what sort of stuff pops up. That was interesting. Thanks Ne!

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Life Lesson Labels

I only know of one reader that actually pays any attention to the labels below each blog. Mostly I fill them in out of habit. Sometimes I write them specifically for GMEyster because I know she is looking. As of today I have made 174 unique labels. This is my 178th post. It wasn't all that surprising to find that 86 of these labels have only been used once. I really need to do something about that. When I started paying a little attention I discovered some disturbing things that are quite telling about my life. If you are a label writer you might find some trends in yours as well.

Here is a list of my top 10 most used labels:

1 Work (20)
Casey (19)
3 Me (17)
4 Friends (15)
5 Music (14)
6 Drinking (14)
7 Scary Ass People (13)
8 Unhealthy Obsessions (13)
9 Life (10)
10 Demon (10)

1) Work? I really talk about work more than anything else? That seriously sucks because my work is currently the bane of my existence. It spoils life. I have to address this immediately.

2) Awwwww. Clearly I have lost my mind. Stupid love. Makes me act all caring and crap. I do spend a lot of time with Casey so naturally I would speak of him often. Most people would think it is a good thing that he somehow ended higher up than my third label. It shocked the crap out of me though.

3) ME! Of course I talk about myself but apparently not enough. I think I have not been using this label to it's fullest. This will be worked on.

4) Do I really talk about my friends a lot? I have some of the most interesting and wonderful friends a person could wish for but I don't write about them much because I'm not so sure they would be okay with that.

5) It's around this point that I realized these labels really do reflect how important things are in my life. I had no idea it would be so telling. When I started writing my blog it was completely focused on music but it took a turn to be more about me.

6) Uh oh. Having drinking leveled with music is the first sign of a problem. Maybe I should think about attending meetings. Nah.

7) I guess scary ass people have become a frequent subject here. I enjoy writing about them. Some might say I enjoy it a little too much. Scary people are a big part of my life and surroundings. They keep things interesting. If I didn't enjoy their antics I wouldn't survive in this city. Especially dealing with artistic people. Those people are freaks! I would know, I am one.

8) After that rant you discover my obsession with scary people ties with my knack for unhealthy obsessions. Hmm... This sounds like dangerous territory. I love living recklessly.

9) How in the hell did Life become a label? What does that even mean? Not only did I create it but I found a reason to use it ten times. Yes I have a life more or less. What a shitty filler label. I'm not creative at all.

10) Life and Demon are equal in my blog? I think I can blame the whole life cop-out on my demon living within. I might need to go back and read all the Demon posts to see if I really wrote them or if the Demon did it. It might be around more than I realize. Like a multiple personality.

Well, I learned something about myself today. That was amusing. For me at least. Now how will I fix the 86 useless labels problem?

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

New Prez Candidate!

Old man McCain made an ad accusing Obama of being a celebrity. I'm sure you all saw it. It was the sexy one with Britney and Paris. (No, I do not find any of the people previously mentioned sexy. Come on people.) Today I found out there will be a new candidate in the race and I have decided to vote for her.

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Transit Bugs

On my morning subway commute we were packed slightly more sardine style than usual. I take three trains on my hour journey to queens. The first two are full so I always stand. Always. Today I was standing uncomfortably close to an unusual man that didn't look particularly clean but he didn't look particularly dirty either. He was in front of me facing the door. I was behind him facing the back of his head. By facing the back of his head I mean my face was maybe a half a foot away from the reflection gleaming back at me from his sweaty noggin. I would have preferred at least a two foot buffer but sometimes you have to deal with it.

My eyes were glossed over and I was successfully ignoring everyone around me as I do every morning. Then something caught my eye. On the shoulder of the man just inches away was a very active bug. I'm not exactly sure what kind of bug. It was about the size of a lady bug but a tan color. I never see anything other than a cockroach around here so I was surprised. This little bug proceded to crawl along the shirt and up the man's collar. Then it brushed up on his gross neck and moved back on to the shirt. That damn thing ran all over the place. I could see it had wings so I was hoping it wouldn't decide to use them to visit me.

Here is an overview of some of the thoughts going through my head:

What in the hell is that? A pet?
How could that get on that guy's shirt?
Did he bring it on the subway with him?
Where did this guy come from?
What if it poops?
Should I kill it?
What would the guy do if I smacked him in the back of the neck and when he turned there was no bug to prove I was doing my civic duty?

I realize I could have just tapped the guy and let him know he was harvesting bugs in his shirt but I chose not to say a word and left it for the next passenger to deal with.

What would you have done?

Run Away Rhyme

Hello Darlings,

I'm going to make an effort to start posting more frequently. I never feel inspired to talk about anything these days and I think it's because I'm not in the swing of things. So this post is going to have to be a stream of conscious, confusing mess of whatever flies through my brain.

Currently I'm sitting on my floor drinking Pellegrino and wondering why Sarah Jessica's voice is so annoying. I really shouldn't blame the actress. It's that annoying Carrie character. I'm turning off the TV. Good. Now I'm saving my ear drums and conserving energy.

Speaking of conserving, earlier today I was thinking I should get a bike. I have no place to put it in my apartment but if feels like the right thing to do. Then again, I take public transit so I'm not really helping anything by biking. I'm pretty sure my carbon footprint isn't bad but I feel like I should be doing more.

I think I have become addicted to Flax seeds. You are supposed to take them as a daily supplement so you can't over do it. I really like them. If I could I would eat a bag in one day. I don't because I'm afraid they will act as a laxative. Maybe I should go buy some sunflower seeds to be on the safe side. Who craves seeds? Oh crap, I have something in common with birds. I hate birds.

I'm going to go crawl into bed now and read some Faulkner. I just started "As I Lay Dying" which is interesting so far. I'm having trouble deciphering what the relationships of the characters are so I know I'll have to go back and reread a few parts. Regardless, he has my attention. Fair thee well my friends. Or is it fare? I don't know and I don't care. On that sad rhyme I must hit post and run away.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Long As God Can Grow It, My HAIR!

Holy love making musical gloriousness my friends! Last night I saw the musical HAIR at the Public Theatre in Central Park. It was incredible! I left with such a buzz from the excitement I was wondering if they somehow slipped drugs to the audience.

I'm a theatre snob so every time the directing seems a little off or the character isn't totally there I take notice and ruin the moment for myself but I have to tell you, this story is so damn good you love it no matter what.

Let me tell you the set up of the stage. The Public Theatre is outside and is fairly small. The stage is level with the first row of seats making the whole show feel very intimate. All you see on stage as far as a set goes is grass and at the back a little paint splattered raised section for the band. The cast spent a lot of time running around the audience and getting you involved. At the end it turned into a giant dance party. It was one of those moments where my head spins in circles and I keep saying "Is this really happening?" Only in New York!

Before the show began the director gave a speech saying how this is the 40th Anniversary of Hair and so much has changed since the original production. He went on to compare the war we are in now to the war we were in then and gee do they sound similar. It certainly brings a whole new perspective to the show. The draft may be gone but we are still watching children die for us. That isn't completely what the show is about though. It's about bohemian life, sexual revolution, poverty, racism, religion, environmentalism, politics, and the youth of America. Just to name a few.

I truly love this show in every way. I think it can be summed up pretty well in the following quote:

" free, no guilt, be whoever you are, do whatever you want, just as long as you don't hurt anyone."

Why can't we all live by that? Why do we get class, skin color, religion, and various other crap in the way? I better not get started on that topic. I will leave you with a video of one of my favorite bits from the show. This is from the movie version.