Thursday, May 24, 2012

Life in Love and Future Me

This week is shaping up to be, well, odd.  Inspiring, emotional, informative, painful, and odd.  It’s this freaky universe bringing a whole lot of my past full circle and perhaps giving me some much needed closure of it all just in time for something wonderful to begin.

This applies to many facets of my life. I’m moving into a new apartment just as everything in the one I’m in seems to fall apart. I’ve decided to visit my family in a few weeks when I didn’t think it was going to happen and I’m glad to have the opportunity because I feel like they are falling apart. The facet I wanted to focus on in this post was the incredible full circle brought about in my love life.

Monday night I met with Sky. It was a hard thing to do because we didn’t know where we stood with each other anymore. Basically he wanted to finally have the talk I had requested weeks ago because he wanted to let me know he is now dating my friend. We forgave each other and when I left I felt good. I felt like even though it was hard to accept, the book was finally closed and we were both happy moving on.

Yesterday I ran home to see if the plumbers destroyed my apartment. They had. While I was there I checked my mail. In my mailbox I found Casey’s wedding invitation. There was closure here long ago but something about getting that invitation made me stop and think through that entire relationship and all that we gained from it. It was nice.  Then I realized I had a package to pick up.

The package was from Mike. It contained a really thoughtful gift he got for me at some point before we truly ended things. It also contained a seven page letter that I hope brought him some closure.  It was, honest. Not entirely accurate from my perspective and a little hurtful, but honest.  I still have to write my return letter here but I’m not afraid to do it anymore and I think the process will only help both of us.  I’m thankful for this.

After all of this I went home for a bit. I let thoughts rattle through my brain as I digested it all. I have a lot of guilt associated with all of these relationships so there is a lot to digest. Then I went to the home of a man that likes his anonymity.  He cooked me dinner. We drank wine. We talked for a long time in complete and utter comfort. I felt happy.

Today as I checked my e-mail I received an e-mail from myself. What? Yes. I don’t even remember doing this. Apparently 8 months ago I stumbled upon the website and decided to write myself a little letter that would be delivered at a random date. Here is what I had to say to myself: 

Dear FutureMe, 
You started therapy last night. The guy was actually pretty cool and helpful. You are too hard on yourself. Everything will be okay. Just take care of yourself mentally. You are capable of so much more than you know. Take a chance. Please, today, for me, for us... take a chance in some little way. Maybe some big way. Do something. You deserve it. You deserve to have a really wonderful fulfilling life where you feel good about yourself. Feel good about your talent, responsibility, and relations with friends/ lovers. Every minute you waste you never get back. Time is valuable. Use it. Love yourself. Enjoy the love from the people you care about. Use it. Make an impact. Go.

I wonder what will happen tomorrow.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

White Liars Fundraiser - Lap Dancing Take 2

How on earth did I forget to post this? White Liars is back with Season 2 and I'm in the fundraising video.

I can't wait to receive my dirty T-Shirt!