Thursday, December 22, 2011

White Liars Outtakes

This is a little awkward for obvious reasons but I'm sharing it with you blog friends anyway. If you have yet to see the web series White Liars you are really letting me down. Or, you would be if there was any way for me to know. Whatever. I'm going to share the special outtakes video with you in hopes of making you laugh or at least getting you interested enough to watch episode three where I make a cameo.

Warning... there is a lot of my bare skin in the clip.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Fuck-it List

 I've been thinking about the end of the year coming up and what I’ve been accomplishing in life. This generally brings you to think about all the things you would like to do. You know, a bucket list of sorts. Well, I was curious so I started Googling various bucket lists to see what other people were up to. What a bunch of crap. Now, I’m not one to turn down an adventure but some of the more common stuff sounds horrible. This is what brought me to make my very own Anti-Bucket List aka Fuck-it List.

Climb Mountains of any Sort - Why do people do this? It’s cold and there are better ways to get places now.

Run with the Bulls -  Come on. This is just stupid! I would die. End of story.

Finish a Marathon - I hate running. I have a hard time understanding why this is fulfilling to people. Don’t get me wrong, if it works for you that is awesome but I can’t grasp the thrill myself.

Walk to the top of the Statue of Liberty – BORING! Why bother? The view isn’t that amazing and it’s a pain in the ass. Maybe I would do the Eifel Tower. Maybe. If I couldn't find a better view that is.

Write a Book – In my opinion more people should avoid this. You have nothing to say! I’ve got nothing to say. It would be more self-indulgent than this blog. I’m sorry to disappoint you all. 

Hit the Vegas Strip with my Girls - If I’m going to Vegas it’s not going to be with a bunch of screaming girls. Obnoxious I tell you. They even did a reality show onOxygen that shows you in detail how annoying it is.

Shake Hands with a President - Meh. Cool I guess but in no way bucket worthy. Whose hand would be bucket worthy? Do I really only get to shake the hand? A hand is a hand so what is the point? Now sitting down to a meal with someone cool; I could get on board with that. Like the Twilight Cast! (I’m kidding. Stop worrying.)

Swim with Dolphins - Those freaks are rapists and I would like to keep my sexual experiences reserved for humans. Thank you.  

Attend a FurryConvention - Again, I prefer humans and have no interest in those humans being dressed as animals. 

Bungee Jump - The perfect way to ensure my spine won’t last forever. As the saying goes “A broken rubber brought me into this world. It sure as hell isn’t taking me out.”

People have some weird goals. Some stuff I found interesting and I might consider putting it on a to-do list. It would be a lot of traveling and random adventure sports. I don’t like to plan that far ahead though. I’ve done some cool things in life thus far and my only real hope is to continue on that path. Did I leave anything off the list that I should remember to never do?

Friday, December 9, 2011

Childhood Perceptions

Yesterday I received a strange message from a girl I went to elementary school with. I'm pretty sure I only knew her two or three years. I wouldn't really say that we were ever friends but I always thought she was very nice (albeit painfully shy) and when she found me on Facebook I was glad to accept and see where she went in life.  Then I was surprised to get this message.

Ok.. so... I'm sitting here and having one of my many sentimental reflective moments. And at times it takes me back to the time I lived in Illinois. A time that is dear to me... I never wanted to move to Ohio nor do I ever want to move back to Ohio (I'm currently living in Georgia) even tho all my family lives in either Ohio or Illinois. But that is beside the point. I got to thinking about why certain things stick in our memories better than others for some reason. For instance, I have ALWAYS remembered something mean that Stephen said to me in sixth grade (do you remember him?) And then I got to thinking about you... you always hung with the "cool" crowd yet you were never mean. I never forgot that about you. But I have to say that I always saw you as being the one to settle down in the city you grew up in and being married with 2.5 children and a white picket fence, you know what I mean? So I got to wondering, what brought you to New York? And are you happy? And if you are still reading this email than obviously I've kept your attention for this long so I do hope that you will respond and I hope that you arent totally caught off guard with this random email. I used to be pretty shy but in my old age (we are almost 30!!) I've realized that it doesnt really matter what you do, you only live once, right?!

What a sweet surprise, right? I'm completely shocked by her childhood perceptions of what those years were like and how they differ from mine. For instance, the Stephen she refers to was a very shy guy himself. I think he had an extremely difficult childhood. I recall him being very nice and awkward. I wonder what he could have possibly said that bothered her for the next twenty years?

I don't really recall being a part of a "cool group". I guess I didn't realize we had a cool group because we didn't have a whole lot of kids in the class. I was also pretty insecure myself. Now I'm wondering who was involved in this group and how it came to be. I'm so incredibly flattered that she thought of me as nice. I would like to think I was a nice kid. I hope I never said anything that tormented another child for twenty years. I know things were said to me but I've forgiven those people because children are stupid and that stuff happens. It's a learning process on how to grow into a decent human.

What on EARTH gave this girl the idea that I would be a mommy in a little city with white fences? What could I possibly have done to ever put that in her head? Truth be told, I think every other girl I knew from those years did exactly that. Maybe I was a follower? Gross. I'm so glad to be me.

I wonder, since I have the almighty Facebook at hand, if I should pay it forward? Perhaps I should write a message to some other random kid from that class with my perception of those years we knew each other. What do you think? How would you feel about being on the receiving end of such an out of the blue memory sharing moment?

Friday, December 2, 2011

Getting Into the Spirit(s)

I'm trying to get in the spirit of the season but I feel so damn busy it just isn't working. I finally started sorting out my calendar yesterday. Holy crap I'm committed to a lot of parties and whatnot this month. Ahh! When will I find time to make the beer shower caddies I promised everyone?

Thankfully my mother already ordered the Bacon Lube my grandmother thinks we are getting her for Xmas. I don't want to disappoint.

Holiday Party Numero Uno starts tonight. I'm meeting old coworkers for our annual Winter Solstice gathering. To get myself in the proper holiday attitude I'm counting on the help of my friends. Perhaps it will help you as well. First off I shall turn to the musical styling of my handsome and disturbing friends Neil & Sky.

Share them with your friends and family!

Also, another friend of mine is apparently so obsessed with Christmas that he started a blog about it. Check out Larson's Cavalcade of Christmas. I have a feeling it will get pretty crazy over there.

If none of this works I'm going to start bringing spiked eggnog to work every day until we feel appropriately spirited at the office.