Friday, July 24, 2009

A Top Five

We all have a list, or at least we have thought about it, right? I thought I would attempt to make my list of living people that I think are incredibly beautiful beyond belief for whatever reason. I'm going to call it my Top Five list even though I really want to call it my Wish List.

I don't want to hurt Dean's feelings so I will just post a quick reminder before I begin that he is my number one dead or alive no matter what happens or who comes into existence.

Ahhh don't you just want to grab those hands and wrap them around you? Okay, now let's begin.

1) Tyson Beckford

2) Robert Redford

3) Steven Tyler

4) Angelina Jolie

5) Hey, what do you know? The number five position is still open. Maybe I should do a vote? I'll give you my list of honorable mentions and you all can help me decide.

Honorable Mentions:

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Pet Names: A Rant

Don't call me Honey Bear. Don't call me Cutie or Lovey or Dovey or Sweetie. It drives me completely insane! Maybe you think I'm kidding or maybe you think I'm putting up an act. I guarantee you I'm not. When you are trying to turn me on and you mention Baby Cakes I think of babies and that is no good. Any words that can be associated with children should not be associated with me. Binkie, Frou Frou, Pookie, Peachy Pie... Save these names for your offspring.

Now you might be wondering what is acceptable. Not just for me, of course, but for someone with my same distaste for this type of language. Well, it depends on the personality of course. I decided to look up a nick name generator for lovers. You enter your first and last name then it gives you a suggestion. Mine was "Wicked Hot". I think that is perfect. It makes me feel good about myself and I don't feel like a child. Any other name I put in brought up child like crap so GOOD LUCK! Other acceptable names would be along the lines of Beautiful, Charming, Tiger, Killer, you get the idea.

Now I don't mean to offend the people that are into this sort of thing because you certainly make up the majority. I just feel that it is important to let people know not everyone feels that way. Some people *ahem ME ahem* had enough of the cute crap when they were little. Maybe I'll get back into it when I'm starting to shrivel up again but until then, ADULT names only PLEASE!

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

The Lodge

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood.
A beautiful day for a neighbor.
But I don't know mine.

Do you know your neighbors? I live in a 15 story apartment building so you would think I would know at least one person living in the building. You would think. Unfortunately I only know the door men. Sure there are people I have spoken to and wave at but I don't know their names. I would never borrow a cup of sugar if I ever decided to bake something. The closest neighbors I know live ten blocks south. Which is probably about sixty thousand people away. The two of them happen to live in the same building so I am obligated to travel south where I meet them for after work beverages a couple days a week. Drinks are more fun than baking anyway.

We call ourselves "The Lodge". Every now and then someone will send me a text that says "Lodge meeting tonight." So I know that happy hour is on and no less then three of us will be imbibing 2 for 1 drinks at our favorite local spot. It's a shitty bar with dirty bathrooms, a hundred dirty bras hanging from the ceiling, and the awesome bartender Mike. I have a pretend crush on Mike because he plays Rat Pack music every time I'm there even though it probably pisses off the other clientele. That's all it takes to win me over.

My official Lodge title is Vice President of Marketing and Customer Relations. Which means nothing. Our president is The Vin Man who looks like he is in his early thirties but is actually forty five. He has played guitar and written music for some major stars as well as touring each year on one of those majorly popular after the reality TV show is over tours of the country. But it would be rude for me to share details. He has unusual taste in women and usually cat calls the ladies that walk by while standing out front smoking. He has lived in this neighborhood for years and knows all that weirdos that drop in like the guy in the suite with the pompadour hair who is always looking for weed and the little old mousy woman under five feet tall who only drinks white wine and coughs a lot.

Our VP is Frederick the funny man. He is in his thirties and assistant manages a huge building somewhere downtown where people with Nobel Prizes and such keep their offices. That is just his day job. He is an actor that has been in many national musical tours like Singing In The Rain. Frederick has been a friend of mine for years but for the first couple we were always so drunk when we got together we kept forgetting each other. That was back when brunching was an all day booze fest.

These are my neighbors and my friends. They are far stranger then I have mentioned here because nobody has that kind of time to write this stuff out. Then again, of course they are strange if they hang out with me! So do you know your neighbors? Why? How? Should I bother to meet someone in my building? It just seems so sad that if all my bottle openers broke I would have to take the elevator all the way downstairs and walk the ten feet to the deli to buy a new one. Or I could ask the doorman.