Monday, November 28, 2011

History Lessons

Today I was thinking to myself, humans are so stupid.

We all know that history repeats itself, right? So, maybe we should consider adding something to the No Child Left Behind curriculum. Maybe we should have a "How History Repeats Itself and Repetition Prevention" class (purposeful irony) in the schools.  Perhaps learning from our mistakes would help us evolve.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
- Albert Einstein

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Personal Notes

I hang out in bars and write to myself. I’ve been doing it for years. I carry around little notebooks or write on napkins. Then months or years later I can look back and see what a nutcase I am. Today I started looking through a little notebook. Let me share some excerpts that are in no way in any sort of order.

July 2009 at Primehouse – Cout Du Rhone
This month, for the very first time in my life, I feel old. That scares me. I don’t think I have much to show for my age. I wanted to have more to say by now. I’ve been in New York for almost eight years. I love it more intensely now than ever before. So many people tell me they want to get out of the city to own a home or take a break. I’m not shocked I haven’t burned out but I guess I sort of believed I would start feeling that way. Relationships are odd. After the things Sky said over the past few days I’m thinking he actually really cares now. I’m still careful though. I often think this might not work once I’m employed. He has a lot of things that come before me and when I’m too busy to follow him around things might go to shit. I know why I’m having such a hard time finding a job or even looking for one. I have no idea what I want to do. I’m fucked.

April 2011 at Bourbon Street – Heineken
I am endless trouble. What am I doing? I mean, I’m happy. I’m having a great time. BUT with how I am I can’t help but wonder when the shit will hit the fan and how. I really need to remember to keep being careful and not spiral downward into some dark abyss.

November (no year) at Park Bar – Shiraz
I’m thinking too much about Casey and his lack of desire to see me. I’m not sure why I care. I like to be alone but when it comes to him I worry easy. There seems to be too much making me believe it is all temporary. I know he needs to be around people but in never needs to be me.

December 2009- Primehouse Cabernet Sauvignon
 Where would that leave me? Alone in my apartment all day I guess. I wonder what is next in store for me. Maybe I should get a job at the bar. That would help me make my life utterly pointless. I’m just upsetting myself. I mean it all but it’s so damn upsetting. You Know? I’m actually scared.
January 2009 at Birdland – Cabernet
I’m seeing the Monty Alexander Trio with Casey. I love it! The clarity. The Timing. The blending. The song risk. They are very talented musicians. I feel it in my spine. The tingle that starts in the chest and moves in both directions numbing but exciting everything as it spreads.

March 2011 Bourbon Street – Heineken
Why does this keep happening? I’m a danger to others.

September 2009 Stone Creek- Dirty Martini
I know space makes me forget the pain and anger but I just can’t help feeling guilty. I think he treated me better than anyone else ever will. I’m tired. People are here now. I have to stop.

I guess I write mostly when I’m depressed. I’ve never shared any of this with anyone. I’m hoping this little purge will be to my benefit.


Wednesday, November 16, 2011

I don’t fu%$ing care what you think anymore.

Everyone needs to just shut up about Occupy Wall Street.
Shut up about Paterno being a douche.
Shut up about that strange A List Dallas character that was attacked.
Shut up about Chaz Bono.
Shut up shut up shut up.

The amount of crazy ignorance that has been spewed around me within the past couple of days has made me completely hateful and hopeless for mankind.

For the love of Jeebus people. Don’t blindly follow anything. Do your research. Real research. Get Facts. Get your facts from reliable sources. Think for yourself.