Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Fuck-it List

 I've been thinking about the end of the year coming up and what I’ve been accomplishing in life. This generally brings you to think about all the things you would like to do. You know, a bucket list of sorts. Well, I was curious so I started Googling various bucket lists to see what other people were up to. What a bunch of crap. Now, I’m not one to turn down an adventure but some of the more common stuff sounds horrible. This is what brought me to make my very own Anti-Bucket List aka Fuck-it List.

Climb Mountains of any Sort - Why do people do this? It’s cold and there are better ways to get places now.

Run with the Bulls -  Come on. This is just stupid! I would die. End of story.

Finish a Marathon - I hate running. I have a hard time understanding why this is fulfilling to people. Don’t get me wrong, if it works for you that is awesome but I can’t grasp the thrill myself.

Walk to the top of the Statue of Liberty – BORING! Why bother? The view isn’t that amazing and it’s a pain in the ass. Maybe I would do the Eifel Tower. Maybe. If I couldn't find a better view that is.

Write a Book – In my opinion more people should avoid this. You have nothing to say! I’ve got nothing to say. It would be more self-indulgent than this blog. I’m sorry to disappoint you all. 

Hit the Vegas Strip with my Girls - If I’m going to Vegas it’s not going to be with a bunch of screaming girls. Obnoxious I tell you. They even did a reality show onOxygen that shows you in detail how annoying it is.

Shake Hands with a President - Meh. Cool I guess but in no way bucket worthy. Whose hand would be bucket worthy? Do I really only get to shake the hand? A hand is a hand so what is the point? Now sitting down to a meal with someone cool; I could get on board with that. Like the Twilight Cast! (I’m kidding. Stop worrying.)

Swim with Dolphins - Those freaks are rapists and I would like to keep my sexual experiences reserved for humans. Thank you.  

Attend a FurryConvention - Again, I prefer humans and have no interest in those humans being dressed as animals. 

Bungee Jump - The perfect way to ensure my spine won’t last forever. As the saying goes “A broken rubber brought me into this world. It sure as hell isn’t taking me out.”

People have some weird goals. Some stuff I found interesting and I might consider putting it on a to-do list. It would be a lot of traveling and random adventure sports. I don’t like to plan that far ahead though. I’ve done some cool things in life thus far and my only real hope is to continue on that path. Did I leave anything off the list that I should remember to never do?


Jay Simser said...

Love your list....Dolphins? Who knew. I learn something every day. Thanks.

Mike said...

Great list of things not to do. Why run when walking will get you there too.

jack mehoff said...

say what you want but that dude in vegas looks like he had a great time!

i think most people could get down with stuff just like you, traveling and random adventure sports, which i would have to include bungee jumping, base jumping, more cliff diving, and of course sky diving. but since im a fat bastard none of thats prob gonna happen so ill have to settle for an oreo or two. exciting.

Mike said...

Interesting fuck it list. The only thing I sort of have to disagree with you is the animal thing. I mean, not people that dress as animals. But I'm going to tell you, 99% of dogs I've met are much better people than 99% of the people I've met. Not that I'm some sort of crazy animal guy. I just like dogs (which is probably why I have one, and ONLY one), and the 1% of people I choose to associate with.

I'm With Stupid said...

Excellent list! One of the things I can't get behind is sky diving. Jumping out of a perfectly good airplane just doesn't sound like a good idea at all.


Addman said...

Why does nobody ever try to take over the world anymore? It's top of my bucket list.

Gary's third pottery blog said...

maybe it isn't nice of me to say this, but if you have to make a bucket list, are you a LOSER? That is what always occurs to me....why not try to have a happy life every day if you can????????????

Anonymous said...

If that's what you're seeing in Vegas, my guess Vegas is coming home with you. In this case, Vegas equals herpes.

Knight said...

Jay- I know! I will never trust a dolphin again!

Mike- Exactly. It's not like I'm late.

Jack- An oreo? Thrilling! Don't forget zip lining. That is fun.

Mike- Oh I like animals. I was talking about not wanting to have sex with them. I hope to Jeebus you aren't that close with your dog.

Jay- I MIGHT try the sky diving but I would certainly be happy in life if I never had to jump out of a plane.

Addman- Meh, seems like a lot of work.

Gary- HAH! Exactly. Get out there and do stuff if you want to.

Joshua- I was thinking a lot more than herpes would be coming back. Like crabs, lice, my lunch.

Anonymous said...

I love how you think. Most people should also live by the rule, "Friends don't let friends karaoke" but in your case, we should all let you sing.
I'm still a little disappointed that I didn't get to hear you sing in a club when I had my girls' weekend in NYC.

Reverend Awesome said...

What Gary said. People that give up this or that for New Years really weirds me out. Why are you doing these things if you hate them so much?

Just to be disappointed with themselves for failing. Then they do it again. It's a cycle of stupid accomplishments that you can't accomplish and disappointment. No wonder they aren't happy!

My goal: try to be more awesome than I was this year. Obviously feeling less shitty about being me is on that list, but GOD it's not like giving up candy or climbing mountains is going to do that for me.

LL said...

I'm still waiting for you to mount that Harley and head west, young lass...

Raaga said...
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