Monday, April 23, 2012


Today is a day. Another day like all the rest.  A confusing day. A day of intense emotions splitting me into a million little pieces. Causing great anxiety. Forcing me to face the future. Forcing me to acknowledge the inevitable. Forcing me to realize that all things change. Nothing lasts. 

How is it possible to feel crushed and empowered at the same time?
How is it possible to feel the death and birth of love at the same time?

I think I mourn the loss of relationships with people far too much for my own good. It harms me physically. This can’t be normal. Can it? Is it? How did I develop this?  It makes me apprehensive of new people. Actually, I’m great at meeting new people but it makes me fearful when feelings start to develop.  When they become important to me they are a danger to me.

Well, what can I do but continue living and taking the joy where I can when it’s available?

Such is life.


LL said...

Does this mean you want to call off our engagement?

I'm crushed... I thought things were going so well... ;P

Karen (formerly kcinnova) said...

"The more that things change, the more they stay the same."

Intense emotions are exhausting.

reich said...

maybe it has to do with why you mourn them. if it's the missing, yes, it sucks. but if they were worthwhile, they give you something. hopefully not chlamydia. hopefully more reflected knowledge of yourself. if it's anything else, fuck, you're lava. rocks, projections, things that they throw at you and block your flow, try to contain you or define you, simply don't. because rock vs lava, fuck rock. side note: when you play rock, paper, scissors, always use lava.

Reb said...

reich said a mouthful, so be the lava. Consider, if your friends are not supporting you and helping you grow, they are dragging you down and not friends.

Anonymous said...

Just remember that lava is how most islands are formed.

Fun said...
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