Thursday, May 24, 2012

Life in Love and Future Me


This week is shaping up to be, well, odd.  Inspiring, emotional, informative, painful, and odd.  It’s this freaky universe bringing a whole lot of my past full circle and perhaps giving me some much needed closure of it all just in time for something wonderful to begin.

This applies to many facets of my life. I’m moving into a new apartment just as everything in the one I’m in seems to fall apart. I’ve decided to visit my family in a few weeks when I didn’t think it was going to happen and I’m glad to have the opportunity because I feel like they are falling apart. The facet I wanted to focus on in this post was the incredible full circle brought about in my love life.

Monday night I met with Sky. It was a hard thing to do because we didn’t know where we stood with each other anymore. Basically he wanted to finally have the talk I had requested weeks ago because he wanted to let me know he is now dating my friend. We forgave each other and when I left I felt good. I felt like even though it was hard to accept, the book was finally closed and we were both happy moving on.

Yesterday I ran home to see if the plumbers destroyed my apartment. They had. While I was there I checked my mail. In my mailbox I found Casey’s wedding invitation. There was closure here long ago but something about getting that invitation made me stop and think through that entire relationship and all that we gained from it. It was nice.  Then I realized I had a package to pick up.

The package was from Mike. It contained a really thoughtful gift he got for me at some point before we truly ended things. It also contained a seven page letter that I hope brought him some closure.  It was, honest. Not entirely accurate from my perspective and a little hurtful, but honest.  I still have to write my return letter here but I’m not afraid to do it anymore and I think the process will only help both of us.  I’m thankful for this.

After all of this I went home for a bit. I let thoughts rattle through my brain as I digested it all. I have a lot of guilt associated with all of these relationships so there is a lot to digest. Then I went to the home of a man that likes his anonymity.  He cooked me dinner. We drank wine. We talked for a long time in complete and utter comfort. I felt happy.

Today as I checked my e-mail I received an e-mail from myself. What? Yes. I don’t even remember doing this. Apparently 8 months ago I stumbled upon the website FutureMe.org and decided to write myself a little letter that would be delivered at a random date. Here is what I had to say to myself: 

Dear FutureMe, 
You started therapy last night. The guy was actually pretty cool and helpful. You are too hard on yourself. Everything will be okay. Just take care of yourself mentally. You are capable of so much more than you know. Take a chance. Please, today, for me, for us... take a chance in some little way. Maybe some big way. Do something. You deserve it. You deserve to have a really wonderful fulfilling life where you feel good about yourself. Feel good about your talent, responsibility, and relations with friends/ lovers. Every minute you waste you never get back. Time is valuable. Use it. Love yourself. Enjoy the love from the people you care about. Use it. Make an impact. Go.

I wonder what will happen tomorrow.

23 comments:

LittleRobinBird said...

This is such a happy post. I like it very much.

Gary's third pottery blog said...

MAKE THAT impact :)

LL said...

Once again I'm heartbroken... just when I thought you were finally getting that Harley, you fall into the couch of another... The things I put up with having you as a fiance... ;)

I sent a guy I know your way too... maybe tomorrow he'll come into your life and it'll lead to the dream job you seek...

Reb said...

Closure is a good thing. It sounds as though things are coming up roses and daffodils :)

I'm With Stupid said...

I agree w/ Little Robin Bird that this is a happy and positive post. Which is a good thing.

Tomorrow will be an amazing day full of more surprises and challenges. For you. For me it will be family reunion and lots of drinking. ;-)

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Hey wait! You're moving? But I was just about to move across the hall from you?? Good thing I haven't yet. ;-)

Jay

Mike said...

'..he is now dating my friend..'

I've seen this fail to many times over to many years. Even if all parties are OK with it.

Mike said...

I'm going to future me website and leaving myself a note not to eat indian food at night.

Indigestion is not a good bedfellow.

Thanks.

jack mehoff said...

i think your future you is onto something....heed her advice :)

Jo said...

When you're holding the ghosts of past relationships in your hands like that, isn't it kind of dazzling how exhausting it all is...and that we come back for more?

Your past self seems to know you pretty well. That's something. My past self probably wouldn't recognize me in a police line-up.

Karen (formerly kcinnova) said...

Yeah, those former relationships leave a lot of loose threads and thoughts in the brain. Even now (despite the fact that a former boyfriend attended my wedding 25 years ago).

I'm glad things are coming around for you.

Anonymous said...

whoa dude. you get with a lot of guys. I kind of pity you.

reich said...

Yeah dude, hell, three serious boyfriends in six years, what are you, a kardashian? which is a kind way of saying i'm sorry but you're a goddam' whore.

Jo said...

About the last 2 comments--I wasn't going to say anything because (1) might be an inside joke with weirdo friends, and (2) I'm a psycho magnet too & my quota's already full for the year.

It's the "goddam' whore" bit that gets me, and not only because the apostrophe is used incorrectly. Men who hate women say this. Women who hate themselves say this about other women.

Reich is crazy as fuck.

Knight said...

Ha, thanks Jo. Reich is crazy as fuck which is why I love him. He is just being sarcastic towards the anon comment which I can only assume is a random troll.

As for the troll, if they think that's a lot of guys...I kind of pity them.

Jo said...

I'm so relieved. Telling people to fuck off is becoming a full-time job.

Sorry Reich...get on with the crazy!

reich said...

I wasn't being sarcastic, everyone that starts a comment with "whoa dude" is my hero. I wish I could pull it off.

Knight said...

Reich, get back in your cage.

reich said...

Ok.

Anonymous said...

what's with all the slut-shaming? The girl likes lots of dick, it's her prerogative. Suck all the cock you like honey.

Knight said...

Thanks Anon. Luckily I'm a comment whore as well so this is working out in my favor.

Jo said...

Is this what riding on the subway is like?

reich said...

Anonymous, much like the recent same-titled Shakespeare-inspired controversial film, is a riveting mix of audacity and insight. While some critics might at times consider the movie quite radical with certain hypothesis and conclusions, it most certainly does raise a number of poignant questions, and we will never cease to be grateful for such an enlightened and enlightening commentary. I also have to add, though, that I do have a question of my own: I get that someone that goes out of his way to hurt someone thusly, is almost child-like in his mindlessness, and like children he is understandably riddled with pre-sexual fixations gravitating around the male genitalia, but for someone so keen on the male organ, why does he make no reference to his obvious and scientifically intriguing lack of balls?