This week is shaping up to be, well, odd. Inspiring, emotional, informative, painful,
and odd. It’s this freaky universe
bringing a whole lot of my past full circle and perhaps giving me some much
needed closure of it all just in time for something wonderful to begin.
This applies to many facets of my life. I’m moving into a
new apartment just as everything in the one I’m in seems to fall apart. I’ve
decided to visit my family in a few weeks when I didn’t think it was going to
happen and I’m glad to have the opportunity because I feel like they are
falling apart. The facet I wanted to focus on in this post was the incredible
full circle brought about in my love life.
Monday night I met with Sky. It was a hard thing to do
because we didn’t know where we stood with each other anymore. Basically he
wanted to finally have the talk I had requested weeks ago because he wanted to
let me know he is now dating my friend. We forgave each other and when I left I
felt good. I felt like even though it was hard to accept, the book was finally
closed and we were both happy moving on.
Yesterday I ran home to see if the plumbers destroyed my apartment.
They had. While I was there I checked my mail. In my mailbox I found Casey’s wedding
invitation. There was closure here long ago but something about getting that
invitation made me stop and think through that entire relationship and all that
we gained from it. It was nice. Then I
realized I had a package to pick up.
The package was from Mike. It contained a really thoughtful
gift he got for me at some point before we truly ended things. It also
contained a seven page letter that I hope brought him some closure. It was, honest. Not entirely accurate from my
perspective and a little hurtful, but honest. I still have to write my return letter here
but I’m not afraid to do it anymore and I think the process will only help both
of us. I’m thankful for this.
After all of this I went home for a bit. I let thoughts
rattle through my brain as I digested it all. I have a lot of guilt associated
with all of these relationships so there is a lot to digest. Then I went to the
home of a man that likes his anonymity. He cooked me dinner. We drank wine. We talked
for a long time in complete and utter comfort. I felt happy.
Today as I checked my e-mail I received an e-mail from
myself. What? Yes. I don’t even remember doing this. Apparently 8 months ago I
stumbled upon the website FutureMe.org and decided to write myself a little
letter that would be delivered at a random date. Here is what I had to say to
myself:
Dear FutureMe,
You started therapy last night. The guy was actually pretty cool and helpful. You are too hard on yourself. Everything will be okay. Just take care of yourself mentally. You are capable of so much more than you know. Take a chance. Please, today, for me, for us... take a chance in some little way. Maybe some big way. Do something. You deserve it. You deserve to have a really wonderful fulfilling life where you feel good about yourself. Feel good about your talent, responsibility, and relations with friends/ lovers. Every minute you waste you never get back. Time is valuable. Use it. Love yourself. Enjoy the love from the people you care about. Use it. Make an impact. Go.
You started therapy last night. The guy was actually pretty cool and helpful. You are too hard on yourself. Everything will be okay. Just take care of yourself mentally. You are capable of so much more than you know. Take a chance. Please, today, for me, for us... take a chance in some little way. Maybe some big way. Do something. You deserve it. You deserve to have a really wonderful fulfilling life where you feel good about yourself. Feel good about your talent, responsibility, and relations with friends/ lovers. Every minute you waste you never get back. Time is valuable. Use it. Love yourself. Enjoy the love from the people you care about. Use it. Make an impact. Go.
I wonder what will happen tomorrow.
21 comments:
This is such a happy post. I like it very much.
MAKE THAT impact :)
Once again I'm heartbroken... just when I thought you were finally getting that Harley, you fall into the couch of another... The things I put up with having you as a fiance... ;)
I sent a guy I know your way too... maybe tomorrow he'll come into your life and it'll lead to the dream job you seek...
Closure is a good thing. It sounds as though things are coming up roses and daffodils :)
I agree w/ Little Robin Bird that this is a happy and positive post. Which is a good thing.
Tomorrow will be an amazing day full of more surprises and challenges. For you. For me it will be family reunion and lots of drinking. ;-)
Jay
Hey wait! You're moving? But I was just about to move across the hall from you?? Good thing I haven't yet. ;-)
Jay
'..he is now dating my friend..'
I've seen this fail to many times over to many years. Even if all parties are OK with it.
I'm going to future me website and leaving myself a note not to eat indian food at night.
Indigestion is not a good bedfellow.
Thanks.
i think your future you is onto something....heed her advice :)
When you're holding the ghosts of past relationships in your hands like that, isn't it kind of dazzling how exhausting it all is...and that we come back for more?
Your past self seems to know you pretty well. That's something. My past self probably wouldn't recognize me in a police line-up.
Yeah, those former relationships leave a lot of loose threads and thoughts in the brain. Even now (despite the fact that a former boyfriend attended my wedding 25 years ago).
I'm glad things are coming around for you.
whoa dude. you get with a lot of guys. I kind of pity you.
About the last 2 comments--I wasn't going to say anything because (1) might be an inside joke with weirdo friends, and (2) I'm a psycho magnet too & my quota's already full for the year.
It's the "goddam' whore" bit that gets me, and not only because the apostrophe is used incorrectly. Men who hate women say this. Women who hate themselves say this about other women.
Reich is crazy as fuck.
Ha, thanks Jo. Reich is crazy as fuck which is why I love him. He is just being sarcastic towards the anon comment which I can only assume is a random troll.
As for the troll, if they think that's a lot of guys...I kind of pity them.
I'm so relieved. Telling people to fuck off is becoming a full-time job.
Sorry Reich...get on with the crazy!
I wasn't being sarcastic, everyone that starts a comment with "whoa dude" is my hero. I wish I could pull it off.
Reich, get back in your cage.
Ok.
Thanks Anon. Luckily I'm a comment whore as well so this is working out in my favor.
Is this what riding on the subway is like?
Anonymous, much like the recent same-titled Shakespeare-inspired controversial film, is a riveting mix of audacity and insight. While some critics might at times consider the movie quite radical with certain hypothesis and conclusions, it most certainly does raise a number of poignant questions, and we will never cease to be grateful for such an enlightened and enlightening commentary. I also have to add, though, that I do have a question of my own: I get that someone that goes out of his way to hurt someone thusly, is almost child-like in his mindlessness, and like children he is understandably riddled with pre-sexual fixations gravitating around the male genitalia, but for someone so keen on the male organ, why does he make no reference to his obvious and scientifically intriguing lack of balls?
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