Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Slumber Party - Rated R

I have a feeling this story won't be nearly as exciting as Jay was hoping but never the less it's good to know about these things. So, last Saturday I was invited to a "Slumber Party" by a friend of mine. I know the guys are picturing girls in teddies having pillow fights and making out and I won't burst that bubble but this kind of slumber party was different. It's not a sleep over. It's an all lady erotic toy party. Still want to keep reading?

The party was being held by my friend's two closest girlfriends. When we get to their apartment door one answers and says. "Oh, my God. There are so many girls here. I don't even know most of them!" This was not excitement. This was panic. Now, in NYC apartments you can't fit a whole lot of people so when I walked in and there were twenty other ladies I started suffocating on the estrogen. After several glasses of wine and some sort of vodka punch, they shoved us all into the living room and began the presentation.

It starts off with the presenter, "Bee", telling us that she is just a normal middle-age housewife with kids and a mini van. She started doing these parties so that she could go into business for herself and set up her own hours. She has a lot of fun and lots of toys.. blah blah blah.

So first things first, she passed around lingerie. There were so many outfits it was unbelievable. We passed everything around the room and held on to anything we wanted because if we model it for everyone we get a discount. Sweet!

For the first half of the night we started out with books that teach you techniques on massage, pleasing yourself, pleasing your man, and positions. Really though, who wants a book? Then we moved on to whips, swings, and massagers. The massagers and oil they passed around the room so now you have twenty tipsy girls packed into a room clutching lingerie and massaging each other with oils. The oils segue into lotions, lubricants, and gels that stimulate certain areas. One of the best sellers is "Nympho Niagra." So they have some volunteers try it out and tell the rest of us if it works. Going by expressions alone it works very well. It's also edible by the way. They sell synthetic human pheromones that are supposedly a sexual attractant and the sent changes for each persons body chemistry. I thought it smelled horrible. You can get goo that coats your throat to keep you from gagging. One of the creations I found impressive was an almond scented candle that when burned turns into massage oil. Then when poured it doesn't ruin your bed sheets.

Now it's time for a break. So what do all these ladies do? Try on the lingerie of course! I think some people got a little uncomfortable because half the party left at this point. After placing their orders that is. Maybe it was for the best because in act two she brought out the heavy artillery. On top of a folding table in the corner was a really long case that looks like it might be holding a a keyboard. Inside this case is a plethora of vibrators and dildos. Things for you. Things to share. All shapes and all colors. I was a little scared. I was a little scared that this lady kept this case in her house somewhere and she has kids. They could poke their eye out. I won't elaborate on this anymore because this blog is rated R. Not NC-17. Anyway, when the presentation was over we placed our orders then I stuck around to help pack up. In the end it was a great/expensive night. I got home around three am and as I was falling asleep I thought, wouldn't it be nice if everyone had slumber parties?


Darla said...

good times. the throat-coating thing was the only thing i found disturbing.

Single In The City said...

ummmm, believe it or not I have been to a "Toy" Slumber Party before! I had a great time! Ofcourse I did not understand all of them, but the food was great!!!

I love the Lingerie... Maybe I should have bought me a lil nurses uniform for later on. (when I get married, so we can play Dr!!!

LOL!! I am glad you had a great time!

Doc said...

Sounds like you had a really good time... :p

Edge said...

My wife has been to one of these. Interesting. Some of the stuff turned out to be ok; other stuff not so much. My wife said the lady who presented at the party she went to was really funny and gave some testimonials. But no one modeled lingerie.

Nothing surprises me anymore ... well almost nothing.


GMEyster said...

I love it! And I agree, we should have a nice looooong brunch soon, maybe in May after I get back into town from vacation. Will I see you this Saturday?

Jay said...

Ok, so maybe it's not quite the slumber party I was hoping for, but it was still pretty stimulating. You guys could have finished the party by having a pillow fight in your undies. I'll just pretend you did. LOL

You know those parties are illegal in Alabama and Mississippi and a few other states? Outrageous!

It's kind of amazing all the stuff they make for .. uh .. you know. I mean, who dreams these things up? Throat lube? Oh I've heard it all now! ;-)

Doc said...

I bet ya that Jay finds a way to use throat lube somewhere in a post in the near future...

Jo said...

A hussy party! I love it. This post was great...I've been invited to a few of those parties but I never go. Whenever I've been in a sex-toy shop, half the items there confuse me & I end up examining them & asking questions that result in people falling down laughing. Well & there are always a few creepy guys following me around making odd breathy sounds.

Did they have dildos with animal heads on them--like teddy bears & cutesy monkeys? I don't get it.

Lingerie & Nympho Niagra--good times! ROWR!

captain corky said...

"You can get goo that coats your throat to keep you from gagging."

LOL! Oh good, now I can finally eat some liver again.

gr said...

I was looking for garden gnome pictures the other day (found a good one of George W!) and somebody has made a latex garden gnome, enough said....

Matt-Man said...

Seems like it was quite fun. "Suffocating from estrogen", ha. Good One. Cheers Knight!!

Mike said...

Yea, but did you buy the gasoline or diesel powered toy? :P

Farmer*swife said...

I remember I went to one of these and they had a "you know" that had a suction cup so that it could be attached to the wall, a table, etc.

And, it was battery powered as well!

Can you imagine?? LOL!

I did get one of those pheramonie scent items though. But, this one although frutie was really intoxicating. It wasn't real phermones. I think it was the scents that were supposed to be stimulating.

I just liked it cuz' it really dod smell nice!

Farmer*swife said...

Oh, and "No Thank-you" on the throat coat.

Tink said...

I have always wanted to attend one of those parties! Sadly, most of my friends are dudes. That might be a little... uncomfortable. ;)

Knight said...

Darla- Crap! That was the only birthday gift idea I had in mind. I had a case ordered for shipment in July. Some for you. Some for my mom. Some for my Grandma. I'll cancel it and get yall whips instead.

Single- The food? What did you eat exactly? You definitely need a nurse uniform. You can practice playing Dr. until you get married.

Doc- I did. If I had a car I would host them. Think Mt. Cat could drive me around in his rental? Ha!

Edge- Yeah, some of the stuff was just confusing and useless. No one modeled? Pretty much every one did at the party I was at. Guess we are all just cheap.

GMEyster- Oh! I forgot about Saturday. I know you have a ticket so I'll call Jason.

Jay- Well, the three girls that stayed the night might have had a pillow party after I left. I'll see if they have pictures. Why are they illegal? Are erotic shops illegal? If you have a vibrator in your purse are you charged with possession?

Doc- Ha ha hahaha... Too bad he didn't work it into his PFC.

Jo- Ha a hussy party. I'm starting my own line and that is what I'll call it. I know what you mean about being followed around the shop. That happens to me every time I enter one. Then the sales people are very forceful. They did have a dildo with a bunny head or a kangaroo or something. I wouldn't look at it.

Captain Corky- That is exactly what it is for!

Gr- A latex garden gnome? Holy hell! That ties into my gnome orgy line that one me the Peach award!

Matt-man- Have you ever suffocated on estrogen? Something tells me you know how that feels ;)

Mike- I got the solar powered toy. I have to leave it in the window so it charges during the day.

Farmer*swife- A suction cup? On a wall? That sounds so uncomfortable. You got the pheromones? It was odd, I could not stand the smell on me but it smelled great on the chick next to me. Hmmm....

Tink- I think the only reason they won't have the parties with guys is because they get over excited and won't sit still. Like little kids.

As American as Apple Pie said...

Too funny! I have always wanted to go to one of those parties. I have GOT to talk one of my friends in to having one.