Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Slumber Party - Rated R
I have a feeling this story won't be nearly as exciting as Jay was hoping but never the less it's good to know about these things. So, last Saturday I was invited to a "Slumber Party" by a friend of mine. I know the guys are picturing girls in teddies having pillow fights and making out and I won't burst that bubble but this kind of slumber party was different. It's not a sleep over. It's an all lady erotic toy party. Still want to keep reading?
The party was being held by my friend's two closest girlfriends. When we get to their apartment door one answers and says. "Oh, my God. There are so many girls here. I don't even know most of them!" This was not excitement. This was panic. Now, in NYC apartments you can't fit a whole lot of people so when I walked in and there were twenty other ladies I started suffocating on the estrogen. After several glasses of wine and some sort of vodka punch, they shoved us all into the living room and began the presentation.
It starts off with the presenter, "Bee", telling us that she is just a normal middle-age housewife with kids and a mini van. She started doing these parties so that she could go into business for herself and set up her own hours. She has a lot of fun and lots of toys.. blah blah blah.
So first things first, she passed around lingerie. There were so many outfits it was unbelievable. We passed everything around the room and held on to anything we wanted because if we model it for everyone we get a discount. Sweet!
For the first half of the night we started out with books that teach you techniques on massage, pleasing yourself, pleasing your man, and positions. Really though, who wants a book? Then we moved on to whips, swings, and massagers. The massagers and oil they passed around the room so now you have twenty tipsy girls packed into a room clutching lingerie and massaging each other with oils. The oils segue into lotions, lubricants, and gels that stimulate certain areas. One of the best sellers is "Nympho Niagra." So they have some volunteers try it out and tell the rest of us if it works. Going by expressions alone it works very well. It's also edible by the way. They sell synthetic human pheromones that are supposedly a sexual attractant and the sent changes for each persons body chemistry. I thought it smelled horrible. You can get goo that coats your throat to keep you from gagging. One of the creations I found impressive was an almond scented candle that when burned turns into massage oil. Then when poured it doesn't ruin your bed sheets.
Now it's time for a break. So what do all these ladies do? Try on the lingerie of course! I think some people got a little uncomfortable because half the party left at this point. After placing their orders that is. Maybe it was for the best because in act two she brought out the heavy artillery. On top of a folding table in the corner was a really long case that looks like it might be holding a a keyboard. Inside this case is a plethora of vibrators and dildos. Things for you. Things to share. All shapes and all colors. I was a little scared. I was a little scared that this lady kept this case in her house somewhere and she has kids. They could poke their eye out. I won't elaborate on this anymore because this blog is rated R. Not NC-17. Anyway, when the presentation was over we placed our orders then I stuck around to help pack up. In the end it was a great/expensive night. I got home around three am and as I was falling asleep I thought, wouldn't it be nice if everyone had slumber parties?