Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Groped

Some days I’m a lot closer to killing strangers than usual. Sunday was one of those days.

I was standing outside my Cheers bar smoking a cancer stick and talking to a girlfriend. My mom was inside with my various male friends. As I stood on the empty sidewalk chatting about Brian Wilson or Heineken, or maybe it was the economic state of our country… whatever, I saw a person out of the corner of my eye walking up the sidewalk. I didn’t acknowledge them. Then I feel this short little guy completely rub his entire body against my back side as he passed me. The sidewalk was empty. He had plenty of room. This guy basically just groped me. You see, I’m tall. I was wearing a short dress. This little guy was able to rub his entire arm and chest against my ass as he passed me by. Once I realized what happened he had already run pretty far up the street. I started screaming at him calling him a f$%ing pervert. He turned around at the corner, blew me a kiss and grabbed himself. Then he ran away. It wasn’t worth it for me to chase the guy with my stiletto in hand because I would be arrested for maiming his pathetic face but damnit I was so pissed off. How often do you think that asshole gets away with shit like that? I happened to be outside with the one person in the whole bar that wasn’t able to kick his ass. I’m so disgusted.

Everybody, keep your damn hands to yourself. Unless, of course, you’ve received a request to do otherwise. 

14 comments:

Gary's third pottery blog said...

f#cker....next time your posse here will have to shove his nose up his azz.....

Joshua said...

WTF, dude? You should have beat his ass, and sacrificed the stiletto up his ass.

Not cool.

Dana said...

Next time? Maim his pathetic face with your stiletto - I've got your bail.

jack mehoff said...

wow theres some really inappropriate things that come up when you image search cereal ass rubber

i am sorry for your loss - my condolences

Mike said...

Get his DNA off your clothes and turn it into the police. I'm sure they'll jump right on the case.

I'm With Stupid said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
I'm With Stupid said...

That's some bullshit right there. I don't care how freaking hawt you or anyone else is, that kind of behavior is unacceptable. Karma will catch up to that loser and he'll pay a serious price.

Jay

Moooooog35 said...

In my defense, you looked pretty smokin'.

Dianne said...

there's been such a rash of this horrendous behavior all over NYC
my neighbor's daughter was followed into a parking garage by a guy who whipped out his penis and started waving it at her
she hit the panic button on her car alarm thingie and he ran
security just shrugged

If I'd been with you I would have split open his head with my cane

be careful kid

Reb said...

Drop your voice to it's lowest register and say something a drag queen would say. "Was that good for you honey?" That or learn to run in your heels...it's not hard, then you can stomp the little ba$tard into the pavement.

Farmer*swife a/k/a Glass_Half_Full said...

Ha! Ha! Drag Queen Voice! Ha! Ha! Unfortunately, it probably wouldn't have mattered to the little perve. He'd still have enjoyed the experience and the @$$ groping.

I guess you are going to have to lean agains the wall from now on with your friend/s as your barrier. You are too hawt!

Question though, how good are you at 'throwing' a stiletto? :-D

spokalulu said...

2 words: Stiletto boomerang.

LL said...

I've seen your pic and I have to say...

I can't really blame the guy, the thought may have even crossed my mind a time or two. ;P

Next time just make sure you're leaning up against the wall as you kill yourself slowly with coffin nails. That way when someone walks behind you... you'll know they're up to no good!

Mike said...

That was me.

HaHa, wait, no it wasn't. I'm kinda short but I'm still the same height as you are so you know, I would have at least done a boob to boob.

Also. Thank you for pointing out the mistake on my blog. I definitely did NOT mean doing! Or by doing I meant learning by doing, as in building computers....