I’m in a weird state of mind as of late. Perhaps it’s the heat. I still don’t have air conditioning. I haven’t
had air conditioning in ten years. Living on the 8th floor in a box
of heat isn’t the best for sanity.
I’m in a little bit of a panic because I’ve come to realize
there is SO MUCH I need to do before I die or am forever crippled into bed and
unable to do anything. I can admit that
I’m not totally at zero on my to-do list but sometimes that is hard to remember
because I forgot to write the to-do list.
What happened to all of us over the years that made us
believe it’s in our best interest to spend the large majority of our time doing
mundane tasks in order to be able to eat, sleep, and see a doctor? What are we
really doing this for? I’m wasting way too much of my life so that I can
organize a far more interesting life for a family that manipulates people for
financial gain. This doesn’t make me happy.
Making myself an enlightened, ethical, and socially responsible human should
be my priority. That’s what I should spend my time doing.
I have to figure out a way to make this happen. I need to
have a life where I can travel, learn, and do something societally beneficial. I know, I know, I dream big. Then again, if
you aren’t dreaming big, what’s the point of dreaming?
9 comments:
Fear not my darling Miss Knight...
You're young, you've got your life ahead of you, there'll be plenty of time for you to look back and decide you've wasted your life like the rest of us... no sense in worrying about it now. :P
If you don't have dreams then what have you got?
I've wasted my life so far and I'm wayyyyyyyyyy older than you.
No a/c? Oh babe! Come on over and hang out here in the cool air. ;-)
Jay
Dream big! Where is it you want to go first? Then look at the job opportunities there, are you qualified for any of them? Can you get qualified for them? Can you get a visa though the job? Pack your bags honey you can fulfil your dreams by working for 6 months here and there around the world. Don't forget to blog about it though :)
I did lose it when my ac was broken
you're welcome to come on down to NJ
I'd say you could sleep with Jeffrey but well, you know who might take exception
there are a lot of groups looking for people to help - a friend just signed on as an assistant to a doc with Docs without Borders and she's going somewhere in Africa
they pay next to nothing but they do cover travel and living
I think you've accomplished a lot
anyone who has stood on a stage and shared their talent is a hero to me
I always wanted to do stand-up and could not muster the courage
Ignoring a to do list makes leisure time 10 times better.
I think people might lose sight of what matters(and you know I agree it's the same you think matters) either because of direct needs (like, I need money to survive so I focus on that) or indirect (like I don't trust or see or what identity based in life and me so i'll base it on work or money or being a juggling circus freak and not look at anything else - which in the case of a juggling circus freak might actually become a direct need too, because if you're juggling let's say poisoned swords and you look at something else, it might fucking kill you, not only metaphorically as in the other cases). But I also think that you know what matters to you, and we need to make concession to the outside world because (un)fortunately we live in it, and it's not geared toward things that actually matter. So as long as you know what's real to you, when it comes down to it you'll always be able to honor it, even if it's just by keeping it alive in you as you deal with what you have to deal with.
Back to point one: good LORD you poor thing, no AC in a NYC summer? There is an excellent movie from about ten years ago "In America" about an Irish family that moves to NYC, with some pretty funny bits about their struggles to cool off and get AC....oh gosh that movie is good!
LL- But aren't you doing what you love? Plus you are totally a badass at it.
Jay- You haven't wasted anything. Hell, you are a popular radio personality! I'm on my way over.
Reb- This isn't a bad idea at all really. I don't know if I'm really qualified to do anything.
Dianne- I got stuck on "you could sleep with Jeffrey" and that's all I can think about now.
You would be great at standup. Any idea where I could look into such groups?
Mike- Agreed. I do that every day.
I don't think anything's a waste until you feel that it is, and then, well, we can change our view at any time...young, old, top of the world, flat on our faces. I still have to remind myself all the time that I can choose something different.
I can't wait to see you chasing your big dreams, whatever they are, wherever they go.
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