Thursday, June 27, 2013

We Are Hiring!

My submission for questions to ask the prospective new employees:

Do you drink?
Do you enjoy cheese? (We eat a lot of cheese here and bitching about it is unacceptable.)
When you are on the phone do you feel the need to scream everything? (Proceed with practice test.)
Do you require a lot of hand holding?
Do you wear shoes?
Do you get really nervous doing simple tasks?
Do you shower regularly?
Do you wash your clothes regularly?
Does your laugh make others uncomfortable?
Will stories of your love life entertain us?
Do you understand the concept of cleaning up after yourself?
Can you type?
Can you identify the ring of a phone and then answer?
Are you willing to supply us with a list of your fears?
When watching sports at your desk instead of doing your job, are you able to keep your shouts to a minimum?

If only someone had thought to ask these questions before.  Then again, we would have no employees.  


Mike said...

I was doing OK until I got to the 'Do you understand the concept of cleaning up after yourself?' question.

I'm With Stupid said...

I think I'm good on all of these except entertaining y'all with stories of my love life. How 'bout if I just make stuff up?

Karen (formerly kcinnova) said...

Does this mean I have to wear shoes or does it mean that barefooting is acceptable at work?

I didn't ask at my new job; I just kicked off my shoes. ;)

LL said...

Where's the most important question you could ask a new employee my dear...

Do you find me attractive?


Knight said...

Mike- There are only two of us here out of 10 that seem to be able to clean. It's filthy.

Jay- The best stories we hear come from our virgin coworker. Make shit up. We don't care.

Karen- Lot's of people here just wander around the whole office and filthy carpet without shoes and open wounds on their feet. It's a little horrifying.

LL- Oh, I just assume they do. Is that bad?

jack mehoff said...

yes to the point i may have a problem
my cheese must be melted
no screaming
hand holding? doesnt this violate the personal space bubble
do sandals count?
no nerves the alcohol has killed them off
shower nightly
clean clothes
non annoying laugh
what love life? married folks dont have those
i constantly restock the toiletries and water cooler
i cant type fast
phone all too well
list of fears, just ask
define minimum? who's idea of minimum?