Bambi Taught Me Everything

It's a wonder my co-workers don't report me. We are all very odd people and our only way of getting through the day is very bizarre conversation. Today I was discussing lunch with a co-worker via e-mail and she wrote:

Subway funch? How are you feeling today?

(Note to readers, Funch is fun lunch which we usually celebrate on Wednesdays. Subway is indeed fun because we work in Queens.)
My response was:

Er uh... subway funch sounds good. What time Milady? How am I feeling? Alone and Lost... In the woods... with impending doom always over my shoulder. Stalking me. Like a hunter after a delicate fawn. Waiting for the cold piercing metal that draws death. Wow, how creepy was that? I'm going to write a Disney movie. Wait, that was Bambi.

This does not phase my co-workers any longer. Her response:

How about 12:30? And, yes, that was so creepy, and brought back horrible memories of the cute, innocent movie that ended up tricking me into witnessing a violent death - before I even knew death existed. What a cruel world.

This made me think. Yeah, all classic Disney was pretty disturbing. Snow White's step mother told a man to take her daughter to the forest, kill her, and bring back her heart in a little fancy box. 101 Dalmatians were in danger of being skinned for a coat. I could give you examples from all the old movies but now.... now it's not the same. I have no faith in the youth of today. I fear they might not be as violent as we are.

Recently the original episodes of Sesame Street were released on DVD with a warning that they are not suitable for children. Seriously? Sesame Street? I didn't get it even when it was explained why. Apparently the scary, urban, New York streets that the kids and puppets were playing in would be too much for today's average toddler. Oscar the Grouch was too Grouchy. The Cookie Monster teaches obesity by eating all those cookies not to mention all that pipe smoking. Snuffleupagus was just a hallucination of Big Bird. Most horrifying of all, they teach you how to COUNT! The next generation is going to be full of dainty little children with no early teachings of death to get them ready for the world. Well, good luck kids. I hope you learn to hack through the child proofing on your parents TV so you can catch some late night HBO. It's for your own good and the good of the country.