Beauty Queen

My grandmother put me in a beauty pageant when I was in the seventh grade. I was nervous about the pageant part but I liked performing and I would get to do a song of my choice on stage as well as buy new clothes. Let me tell you, pageants were not for me. I remember going to the rehearsals in a garage where they would ask us questions and tell us how to sit properly. (You can't cross your legs. You must cross your ankles and sit up at the edge of the seat.) Some of the other girls kept trying to talk to me but I found them all so creepy I didn't want to know them. They basically just ran us through the line up of the show a few times when we had rehearsals and then bam it was time for the show.

I don't think I looked much like a pageant girl. My grandmother did my hair and makeup all the time when I was little. I loved it. But I never looked like a drag queen and I never did big hair. I looked normal.

We went into an interview where I refused to answer the way I knew they wanted me too. I remember one question exactly. "What animal are you most like and why?" Obviously the panel was very deep. I remember answering that it would have to be a monkey because I'm a fun person who likes to play around and enjoy myself. I failed the interview.

The show opened with the contestants doing a little dance and then it was the casual wear section where we each came out and modeled an outfit of our choice. I wore bell bottoms with a few big flower patches. Thankfully my parents let me do what I wanted or I might have come out in business attire like some of the other creepy girls.

Next we did our performances. I can only remember a couple routines. Some girl did a tap dance. Another did a gymnastics routine on a hobby horse her dad made. I came out in a Victoria's Secret blue silk slip and sang "I Feel Pretty" while sitting on a white fur bench in front of a vanity. I want to remind you I was twelve.

Then we modeled our evening wear which was a dress and heels I couldn't walk in. After all this crap they finally get to announcing the winner and handing out the trophies. Trophies? I thought you got crowns. Whatever, I didn't care. So who wins? The chick doing gymnastics on the hobby horse. But I was awarded "Best Talent" and walked away with my trophy.

That was the one and only time I have been to a pageant. It was not for me. I did start performing at every venue in the area. I wore a hippie outfit and sang "Frank Mills" at every mall and fair in the city. Now THAT was a good time.



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