When it comes to updating this site of complete nonsense I have done a horribly shitty job.

So, let’s play catch up:

In my last post I declared my undying love for Moooooog35. He denied me publicly but privately I have received several perverse notes and constant rapping on my window at night.

I was cast in that play I auditioned for.  The show goes up in April. I shall be busy. Good times.

I wrote two posts ago that I was developing feelings for someone that I shouldn’t. I never imagined anyone would even blink twice at my writing that but it must have stirred up something because I started receiving guesses (and angry texts). I am indeed engaged to LL but that is not a forbidden love. Benji is an actual real life love of mine but I’m not keeping that a secret. He knows I’m crazy about him.  So basically nobody in blogland or reality came close to guessing. Thanks for trying?

Anyway, I said “I’ll just bottle it up until it goes away… or until I develop feelings even more obscure than these.” 

Turns out I developed feelings more obscure. Would you expect anything less from me? Some days I even impress myself with my ridiculousness.  Seriously though, when you meet a gorgeous person that finally gives your insanity a run for its money, how can you not pursue that?

What else have I neglected to mention in the past month? I did a fundraiser for the show I mentioned. Here are some photos:

 In other news, I've been plotting to take over the world. 

Soon.

Poodle Bear

Picture this:

Sunday Night.  A bar in downtown Manhattan with an upper level cabaret space.  A checkered stage.  A dimly lit room. The amazing Parodivas. Several of my best friends. Knight in a leopard corset dress with microphone in hand.

Didn’t anybody take a picture? No? WTF?

Well anyway, The Parodivas premiered their brand new monthly Show and invited ME to headline.

Look how hot they are despite being cold and homeless.

I did a dead diva tribute by singing some Amy Winehouse and Etta James. I don’t think they would mind. I also did the Jessica Rabbit version of Why don’t you do right and used it as an excuse to molest the audience. 

Up until I actually got on the stage I was having some serious anxiety issues. Singing with tracks instead of a live instrument is really f’ing scary. The Parodivas do it with ease but I was fairly sure I was about to humiliate myself by forgetting the lyrics and not being able to bullshit my way back out. Luckily it appears my bullshitting skills are fully intact and everything went well. 

After my set I could calm down and enjoy the last ten minutes of the show as the Parodivas performed one of their ever popular audience participation MadLib Parodies. Before I left the stage they asked me for a pet name. Not the kind you would give a pet but something disturbing a lover might say to you. I gave them the most embarrassing pet name I could recall being called. We then listened to My Poodle Bear sung to the tune of My Endless Love. *VOMITS ON SELF*

It was a pretty fantastic night. I was incredibly surprised and flattered by the friends that showed up to support us.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention that Oprah was somehow haunting the show. Don’t mention or mock her onstage unless you want some serious sound issues to start up. We are sorry Oprah! Please don’t send Tom Cruise to eat us.

Being a Rock Star … and Whatnot

Dear Dudes, (Because it has been brought to my attention hardly any females comment on my blog.)

Last week I spent a full day in the studio making a DVD with my band mates. We were recording audio and video at the same time so we were in full Rock mode. It was bloody awesome. It would be more awesome if I gave two shits about the music we were recording but alas, I’ll settle for spending the day singing. Because I love it. So much.

So as I’ve explained before, the guys in the band are amazing. All of them have seriously impressive resumes and have played with tons of stars. Then there are the eye candy/backup singers which consist of me and El. We basically danced in place much more than would normally be natural and hit ourselves with tambourines.

El took a ton of pictures so I shall share some here with you.

This is me not paying attention.

Knight and EL
The Studio

This is what happens when you are overzealous with a tambourine.

So last week was awesome. This week I’m doing a shoot for a short film. I’m one of four backup burlesque dancers in this film noir dark satire. I was just e-mailed a picture of our “costumes”.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

Holiday Gig

Do you know anyone that needs a Holiday band for their office party? Oh yes, it's already that time of year folks. Start planning out your xmas gifts and using Santa as a threat to the kiddies.

I can't type the name of the band here because I don't want any booking agents associating me with my blog and not my bio. Instead I'm going to post a little sound bite we threw together for our electronic mailings. I feel obligated to let you know what I'm up to every now and then. Plus, Gary asked nicely.

GET IN THE f'n SPIRIT ALREADY!

I might regret sharing this.

I wasn't going to share this with you because I'm not overly proud of it but then Dana went and talked about being all honest and stuff so .... here it goes.

Last month I was singing for my mom's birthday. It was something like three to four hours long. In that time someone (my mother) happened to catch a little footage. Because I always talk about singing and crap I figure I'm obligated to share this with all of you.

The song is Peel Me A Grape. I couldn't remember all the words so when it looks like my eyes are closed I was actually trying to read my sheet music set up next to me. If I sang with my eyes closed all the time I would probably fall over. I still fall over but it's usually because I had one drink too many. Anyway, it was a fun party. I was glad I had the chance to sing for my grandparents again. It had only been about a decade or so.

I hope it wasn't too painful for you and if it was... Bite Me.

Thanks for listening!

Show Time!

It's time to promote my next show.

HOLIDAY COQUETTES

Location: The Duplex 61 Christopher Street (@7th Ave), New York, NY 10014 US
When: Thursday, December 18, 7:00PM
Phone: 212-255-5438

Come pick your fix; Naughty or Nice? Celebrate the holidays with vocals performed by Ava Mihaljevich and Carly Knight with Alex Lawrence on piano. Don't forget the mistletoe!

$8 Cover and a 2 Drink Minimum
Make your reservations online at www.TheDuplex.com
(Seriously make a Reservation.)

Be there Bitches! -Naughty
Be there Kittens. -Nice

I've Got Your Answers - Part Who The Hell Can Remember

cat asks:
Jay kinda took my question. I would love to read the story of what brought you to N.Y.

What took you into singing and acting. Where are you from? How long have you lived in N.Y.

Did you have friends that brought you there?

I think you have a good and inspiring story too tell.

Dear Cat,
You can read my answer to Jay’s question in PART 2. I know switching screens is a pain in the ass sometimes so the brief version is, I always wanted to live in a big city and when the opportunity came to attend school in New York I moved out here at 18. It’s been seven years now. I’ve been singing and acting all my life and that is really why I came to New York. I wrote about that in the answer to a question as well but now things are starting to blur together. When I moved out here I didn’t know a single person in the city. Now I have a whole urban family of friends that I’ve built over time. I grew up in Illinois. I spent my entire childhood in The Quad Cities. Not a small town but not a big city. Not big enough for me. I don’t know that my story is inspiring. I was at a time in my life where things were supposed to change and I knew what I wanted so I did it. I made the right choice.

Michael Knight Rambo asks:
Why is my pee black?
Back when it was bright green it used to be fine, but now when it gets rusty red/brown or darker, it really hurts.
It feels as if I have chomping pitbulls with poisonous porcupine quills that are on fire passing through my urethra.
I'm too embarrassed to see my doctor.
Can you help?

Dear Michael Knight Rambo,
Have you been drinking motor oil? If so you should probably stop and you might go back to normal. You also might have leprosy. For safety’s sake I suggest you double bag your favorite parts to ensure you don’t infect others and more importantly, so that nothing falls off. I suggest a strict diet of nothing. No water or food. You will urinate less and eventually the burning will stop because you will be deceased.

minijonb asks:
What person from your past would least like to see walking down the street... and why?

And the flip side... who do you really want to catch up with that you haven't seen in ages?

Dear Minijonb,
There are quite a few people I never want to run into again. One would be my old roommate from France. She was really annoying and I was so thrilled the day we moved away from her horrible voice. I hope I never run into my ex that was a millionaire. That money gives him the power to do whatever he wants and he was so manipulative and angry towards me in the end. The thought of him makes me a little nauseous.
I can think of a few people I would really like to catch up with that I have not seen in a few years but it’s harder to come up with someone I haven’t seen in ages. *Insert ten minute pause of thinking.* Okay, I got one! One of my vocal coaches I had through junior high and high school was a really wonderful woman and I find myself thinking of her every now and then. I thought of her and her husband as a really cool and eclectic old couple. She taught voice lessons to people of all ages in her own living room. Her husband was a wood carver, hypnotist, therapist, and so many other things I don’t even remember. They were the sweetest people and Mrs. Grossman would tell me these wonderful stories about her life that showed how in love she and her husband were. He grew very ill and she started having problems as well. When Mr. Grossman died I went to the visitation and was shocked to see Mrs. Grossman was now in a wheelchair due to a bad hip. She stopped teaching and I haven’t seen her since. I have always wanted to speak to her to let her know how much she influenced my life but I don’t know where to find her.

I've Got Your Answers - Part 2

Gary Asks:
Very personal, because I forgot the details. I know you have seizures, does the doctor say it is epilepsy? Do you take medicine for it? Does it require you to change what you eat and drink?
Have you always loved singing, performing? Background please!
:)


Dear Gary (aka: The Pottery God),

I have had seizures but thankfully not that frequently and ideally never again. My neurologist does not call it Epilepsy yet. I guess they are not 100% sure on that. I take medication for it twice a day but honestly I wonder if it works for me at all. I have a feeling my seizures are more related to sleep issues. I haven’t had to change what I eat because I tend to be fairly healthy most of the time anyway. The only thing that has changed is my alcohol consumption. I used to drink quite a bit. I’m only 25 you know. Two years ago I could easily drink two bottles of wine, go to bed at 4, and be at work at 8am. Now if I drink as much as three glasses I could get sick for an entire day. Not always, but sometimes. I used to love vodka tonics with lemon but I can’t drink that at all anymore. The medication makes me unable to handle it so I try to be more careful. The feeling of being drunk never really happens anymore. I go from being fine to sick in minutes. I believe this is because of the medication. It does say “Alcohol intensifies effect” on the bottle. I just can’t give up the wine and beer.

I have always loved singing and performing. My mom was always a tomboy growing up and I think she assumed I would be so they had me playing softball, basketball, and whatever else. I sucked at everything. Around that same time I was singing constantly. I had a little toy microphone and speaker. I had a mic plugged into my boom box. We had a karaoke machine. You couldn’t get me to shut up. At some point my mom asked if I would like taking voice lessons. I must have been 8 or 9. Maybe younger. I’m not good with time lines. I never stopped taking lessons until I graduated from college and couldn’t afford it any more. My very first voice teacher invited me to a showcase of a local kids performing group. I remember going with my mom (I never realized until just now that it was always my mom, hmmm) and she asked if I would like to start taking classes. This group had me performing for years at local theaters, malls, fairs, and whatever else they could come up with. I also did every community theater show I could get into. It made my entire childhood.

After writing this I ended up on the phone with my mom and thanked her for always being the supportive one who got me involved with all the things that make me happy. She said I should probably thank my Grandmother as well. So Thanks to both of them and thanks to Gary for helping to point out what should have been obvious.

SEX and CANDY

You know what you should do this Halloween? Come see me perform!

It's a great line up and if that doesn't do it for ya, I'll hardly be wearing a thing. Come see for yourself.

Also, The Parodivas wrote my bio for me and it is really hot.

"Carly Knight is the hottest new jazz chanteuse to hit the New York stage in the past 30 minutes. Her sensual renditions of the hits of the bygone days of croony standards not only melt butter, but also margarine and straight mens' hearts. Look out here she comes."

Mmmmargarine. That was nice. So... I figure yall will soon get bored of me trying to sell myself. I expect to be vlogging very soon. Until then, Ta'

Knight Life

Well, I did it. I lived through it. I was so nervous when I got out there that I couldn't keep my knee caps from jumping around but people laughed at all the appropriate moments (which was pretty much the whole show) and it seemed to go fine. I didn't need to leave the stage to throw up even once. I did mess up lyrics on several songs so that sucked. I have the worst on tape. No I will not share it with you. For anyone that is curious, here is the set list:

Come On A My House
Lazy River
God Bless The Child
Black Coffee
Love Me Or Leave Me
Makin' Whoopie
No Moon At All
Peel Me A Grape
My Heart Belongs To Daddy
The Devil And The Deep Blue Sea
Cry Me A River
Lullaby Of Birdland
Night Life

Here is a picture of me on stage with wine and Dean Martin.

I look like a demon. Per usual.

This was taken right after the show. These are two of my best girlfriends.

I was so lucky to have so many friends show up. I really appreciate them coming to support me. It really meant a lot to me to see each of them there and it isn't something I will forget.

I owe my soul to Jason. He directed and kept me sane. He made it funny. How do I repay that? I assume with booze.

Here are some highlights of what happened. My dress was seriously short so I had a lot of ad libbing about trying not to show too much, if you know what I mean. I had a line "My other loves are Dean Martin, and my Lesbian lover Casey, I mean Julie London." Everyone thought this was an accident including Casey. I didn't even write that line! When I did "My Heart Belongs to Daddy" My dad was in the front row and he wouldn't look at me. Unfortunately the whole audience was watching him not watch me. Awkward! Then some other crap happened but I'm getting bored talking about it. Time to move on.

Thanks for all the support and well wishes peeps!

Beauty Queen

My grandmother put me in a beauty pageant when I was in the seventh grade. I was nervous about the pageant part but I liked performing and I would get to do a song of my choice on stage as well as buy new clothes. Let me tell you, pageants were not for me. I remember going to the rehearsals in a garage where they would ask us questions and tell us how to sit properly. (You can't cross your legs. You must cross your ankles and sit up at the edge of the seat.) Some of the other girls kept trying to talk to me but I found them all so creepy I didn't want to know them. They basically just ran us through the line up of the show a few times when we had rehearsals and then bam it was time for the show.

I don't think I looked much like a pageant girl. My grandmother did my hair and makeup all the time when I was little. I loved it. But I never looked like a drag queen and I never did big hair. I looked normal.

We went into an interview where I refused to answer the way I knew they wanted me too. I remember one question exactly. "What animal are you most like and why?" Obviously the panel was very deep. I remember answering that it would have to be a monkey because I'm a fun person who likes to play around and enjoy myself. I failed the interview.

The show opened with the contestants doing a little dance and then it was the casual wear section where we each came out and modeled an outfit of our choice. I wore bell bottoms with a few big flower patches. Thankfully my parents let me do what I wanted or I might have come out in business attire like some of the other creepy girls.

Next we did our performances. I can only remember a couple routines. Some girl did a tap dance. Another did a gymnastics routine on a hobby horse her dad made. I came out in a Victoria's Secret blue silk slip and sang "I Feel Pretty" while sitting on a white fur bench in front of a vanity. I want to remind you I was twelve.

Then we modeled our evening wear which was a dress and heels I couldn't walk in. After all this crap they finally get to announcing the winner and handing out the trophies. Trophies? I thought you got crowns. Whatever, I didn't care. So who wins? The chick doing gymnastics on the hobby horse. But I was awarded "Best Talent" and walked away with my trophy.

That was the one and only time I have been to a pageant. It was not for me. I did start performing at every venue in the area. I wore a hippie outfit and sang "Frank Mills" at every mall and fair in the city. Now THAT was a good time.



Found something exciting on Etsy today. Look HERE. Scary right? People come up with some interesting things.

On my way out

Just wanted to throw out a few quick things before I head to the hometown for the weekend.

Number 1) Good news! France is just as slow as we are! View Proof Here

Number 2) Bad news. Wickipedia is too liberal for the crazies so they made their own. Try getting your information at Convservapedia. Complete with Bible verse on the home page. I was told to try looking up homosexuality.... scary.

Number 3) Had another voice lesson last night and I already feel everything I used to know coming back. It wasn't completely gone, just hiding from me. Thank Jebus!!

Number 4) I would really like some brunch soon, anyone? Sure, Sunday brunch might conflict a bit with the 11am airing of new Rock of Love episodes but I can probably wait until the eve to view it. Maybe not.

Doing Stuff!

One baby step in the right direction this past week. On Thursday I went to my first actual voice lesson in years. It was fantastic! I love the way this guy teaches and when it was done I felt wonderful. This is my therapy. It's amazing the change one little lesson can make.
On another note, last night Ava brought me along to a theater that does weekly cold readings of submitted pieces in a competitive style. It was incredibly exciting and full of intelligent creative people. Drinking at the bar afterwards I had the chance to really converse with a few of the actors and writers. I can't tell you how happy it made me to be surrounded with people like this again. It has been far too long since I was exposed to this world. I could cry thinking about it. I hope I can stay on this path for a little while. Baby steps.

Not in my thirties yet.

My neighbors can hear me singing. I had no idea it was that loud until one day when I was warming up in the shower one of them rang the bell and said "was that you?". So I won't be singing so much around the apartment.

I already knew the guy. He records, mixes, and produces out of his apartment. Seems he has been rather successful. Here is an article about him.

Anyway, he apparently likes my voice because he asked me to record for one of his tracks. I didn't take him seriously but after about a month of talking about it we actually got together to listen to his music yesterday. Will and his wife are cool people. I enjoyed chatting with them. I'm not really a hip hop fan but it was an interesting experience anyway. They don't really drink but we had a glass of champagne left over from his birthday which was yesterday. He turned 37 which is much older than I would have though. Then he made a stab at my age.... 29! Believe it or not, I take that as a complement. I want people to think I'm older than I am. I feel much older than I am.

Speaking of how old I am... My birthday is only a month away! I really hope it doesn't rain this year. I would love to have a big outing in the park but my evil birth date seems to think it must rain on that day every single year.

But why worry about it now? Time to throw on my roller skates and enjoy the nice days when we have them.