Friday, May 23, 2008

I am who I am.

We will call today's segment, Reasons Why I Turned Out This Way:

* After day two on the road on tour we stopped at a disgusting hotel in Little Rock Arkansas. It was in a scary neighborhood and really dirty in general. The girl playing the White Rabbit role started crying and made herself sick. She threatened to quit the show. Across from her hotel room a white rabbit was tied to a traffic cone with a rope. What does it all mean?

* I worked briefly at Cafe Mozart on the Upper West Side. It was across the street from my student housing. The owner stopped me in the street one day and offered me a job as a hostess. Shortly after I accepted I learned that he was running an escort service. He kept calling and trying to get me to meet him at the new unopened restaurant location. I never went back in to work after that call.

* One time in high school I was lounging at my house on Sunday mourning in my smeared makeup, a long ugly see through sleep-shirt, and rat nest hair. My boyfriend and other male friend showed up at the front door and my dad let them in without telling me. So they walked up the stairs to find me a gross mess. I had never been so mortified in my life. I hid my head under my arms and screamed. I have not cared about such things ever since. Thanks dad.

*When I lived with A we lived in a building with a bad mouse infestation. They gave us sticky traps because the mice ate the peanut butter off the real traps and survived. One day a mouse got caught in the trap and started squealing. We both cried. She cried because she felt bad for it. I cried because it wouldn't die and I couldn't make myself go near it. I ran downstairs and asked the concierge to help us. He laughed at us as he put the sticky tray and mouse in a plastic bag, beat it against the wall, and then tossed it down the garbage chute.

*I once did a show based on a grim fairy tail. I sewed a dress made entirely of rags and then covered it in mud and twigs. This was my costume. We performed the show in a wing of a Villa and before the show started we were instructed to run around the woods and swing from trees outside. One of those days a wedding reception was being held in the same villa and we still popped out of the trees and yelled in tongues at anyone going past. They thought it was great and had no idea what was going on but they still did the chicken dance with us. Can you imagine twelve dirt covered kids that only grunted showing up to your wedding?

*When I was young and constantly going to sleepovers we always snuck out in the middle of the night to dance in the graveyard as long as there was one within walking distance. We were disturbed kids.

*I used to sneak into the cupboards and get finger fulls of Crisco. Mmmmm

*I once had an acting job in the local cemetery. I was acting the part of a fifteen year old girl that died working illegally in the candy factory. She was decapitated in the elevator. I told her story while standing on her grave.

22 comments:

Dana said...

I used to sneak into the cupboards and get finger fulls of Crisco. Mmmmm

This is the most disturbing of all ...

Pusher Robot said...

i won't use sticky traps again. i had trouble catching mice in one of our drawers in the bathroom. so i thought i would try a sticky trap. i put it in the drawer with a dab of peanut butter in the middle. it was less then 1/2 hour i heard squeaking. i went to check. there were 7 stuck to it. they were biting anything they could to get free, including each other. never again!

Leighann said...

Sneaking Crisco? That's slick!

BAHAHAHA!

Farmer*swife said...

You actually ate Crisco???

When I was a kid, I used to pull out the tub of margerine and the loaf of bread early Saturday mornings....

Then, I eventually gave up the margerine and just stuck to flattening and folding a bread slice into a tiny square and eating it in one bite...

But, never Crisco.

DH used to "pull" the mice off the glue board to re-use it. I stopped this when he returned with one that still had hair and possibly some entrails....

We still use glue boards though.

Happy Friday!

Jay said...

Was that hotel in Little Rock a Days Inn (or maybe Best Western) on 9th street? If so, some friends and I destroyed a room in that hotel one night after an Arkansas football game when I was in college. Seriously, that neighborhood sucked ass. It's actually pretty decent now though. Believe it or not.

furiousBall said...

crisco stealer

Edge said...

Wow ... just ... wow ... how do I .... what do I ...

Do you think you sing or act better?

~Jef

Jo said...

I love your stories! White rabbits always seem to get it...wasn't the bunny in Fatal Attraction white?

I would've cried during the rodent episode too...occasionally I have this sick nightmare where rodents are all over the floor & I'm smashing them with a big mallet while sobbing. I blame Stephen King for this dream.

Every time I'm cooking with Crisco I get this weird urge to eat it, something about the texture--but, icky!

Your acting gigs are so cool...I'd love to see pics of you in costume :)

gr said...

hostess? JERK.

GMEyster said...

My old college roommate used to sneak into the cupboards and steal bullion cubes, which I thought sounded disgusting. But Crisco? I think that's worse!

And WHY are you not writing a one-woman show?????

vishvsambyal said...

Hmm I have danced on a grave yard...but as for the storyut elling we used to sit an graves and just gossip... lol... no elders used to disturb us when we were sitting there and smoking... :-)

samby

vishvsambyal.wordpress.com

Dianne said...

I loved your stories too. And I too would love to see some photos.

My son used to get a stick of butter and pour salt into an ice cream dish, then he'd peel back the paper from the butter, dip it in the salt and eat it like an ice cream cone.

Maybe you belong to me?

Robert said...

my sister used to drink vinegar straight so cool to hear your acting stories I was in *cuckoos nest* in high school, played a crazy who just out of the blue would scream *screw em all* I opened the second act staning on a bench as a basketball hoop in just boxers. At first rehearsal i forgot to wear briefs UNDER the boxers lets just say i had a janet jackson wardrobe malfunction yikes your a wonderful storyteller knight

BBC said...

Hey, did you delete my comment? That's a waste of time you know, I can always make them on my blog where you can't delete them.

Doc said...

you certainly have led an interesting life but I may have to agree with Dana on the Crisco.

Tink said...

Crisco? Not even butter, but CRISCO? Oh girl. I am so disgusted. The mouse thing was the most heartbreaking of all though. The graveyard tales are awesome. Did I ever tell you that Hoop's and my first kiss was in a graveyard? We were right next to a row of dead nuns.

Knight said...

Dana- Isn't it? Why would I love Crisco? I don't even recall it having a taste. It was the texture that fascinated me.

Pusher Robot- Seven? Seven!?!?!! I would have died. Just died.

Leighann- I know, I know. I'm a sick person.

Farmer*swife- I never used to like butter. Only crisco. I did like to take white bread and roll it up into a little ball as a snack. Kids have such simple tastes.
He pulled the mice off? EWW!

Knight said...

Jay- I'm not sure what hotel it was. We stayed at both those chains in lots of cities. I just remember it was gross. We were probably in the very same room you trashed. That brings me comfort.

Furiousball- If it hadn't been for my little finger trails left behind they never would have known.

Edge- I'm a better singer without a doubt.

Jo- Wow, you are right! That dream is terrifying and I would wake up sobbing. I wish I had more pics of the cool acting gigs. I mostly only have them from the stupid high school shows though. That is no fun.

Knight said...

gr- Yes. That was an odd experience.

GMEyster- Bullion cubes? Ewww! That is gross! I wouldn't be able to do that. Give me crisco any day. Maybe we should get together and force each other to write the one woman shows.

vishvsambyal- Yeah, the elders don't seem to mind. They have other things to do after death I guess.

Dianne- That is a brilliant idea your son had! Maybe we are of the same kin. I enjoyed dipping the crisco in sugar.

Knight said...

Robert- I drink Vinegar straight. I enjoy it. Something my grandma taught me I think. Now how do you get on stage and just FORGET to wear the briefs? Ha ha ha. Thanks for the compliment.

BBC- Yes I did delete it because it was something related to your blog so I would rather talk about it on your site to avoid confusion. Didn't mean to waste your time though.

Doc- I didn't realize the Crisco is what would really freak everyone out. Next peachfest I'm bringing crisco.

Tink- A row of dead nuns? I am so jealous of how awesome you are. Naked woods walking and making out in the graveyard. What more could a girl ask for?

BBC said...

Debt scares me. My mother taught me well that at all costs avoid that situation.

Your mother sounds like a wise person, like Helen. I do think however that it's okay for young people to go in debt for a home. Just not more home than they need.

captain corky said...

When my sister was younger she used to eat butter by itself. Crisco is a close second to that. ;)