Dear Rock Band,
I hate you. Sure you provide endless entertainment for video game nerds around the world but shouldn't they be outside getting some sun on their pasty faces or God forbid, learning to play REAL instruments? Sure you are an amusing game. Lights and images all a flutter with cool tunes blasting. Even I enjoy looking for the first half hour and then the motion sickness comes. I have to look away or I will hurl on your cheap guitar with the colorful buttons designed to simplify the ever so complicated concept of strings.
I have to admit, for a little while I enjoy playing or singing along. Then I get angry. I get angry because you are a computer game and you are ruining the music for me. Not only do you force our pretend band that is intensely staring at a tv screen to play note for note second for second EXACTLY what you tell us to but you also make it so that the music is being overpowered by loud clicking of plastic buttons and drum beats. All the clicking makes my head spin. It seriously spins like a poltergeist took over. That is what you do to me Rock Band. That is exactly what you do.
Everybody else just loves you. "Aren't you fun! What a great game you are!" I know what you are trying to do. You are trying to take over the world. You are trying and damnit you are winning you bastard. Nobody seems to see it but me. The novelty of pretending to be a rock star doesn't wear off...it intensifies. They grow addicted to you. Suddenly you are the only thing anybody wants to do. Oh, your followers may think I'm exaggerating but I'm on to you. I'll let them play but I'll be watching. I'll be watching with a set of garden sheers on your power cord. If I see even the slightest hint of my friends turning into zombies, you will die. I will beat you to death with your own bass driven right through your drum set. Screw you Rock Band!