Getting Into the Spirit(s)

I'm trying to get in the spirit of the season but I feel so damn busy it just isn't working. I finally started sorting out my calendar yesterday. Holy crap I'm committed to a lot of parties and whatnot this month. Ahh! When will I find time to make the beer shower caddies I promised everyone?

Thankfully my mother already ordered the Bacon Lube my grandmother thinks we are getting her for Xmas. I don't want to disappoint.

Holiday Party Numero Uno starts tonight. I'm meeting old coworkers for our annual Winter Solstice gathering. To get myself in the proper holiday attitude I'm counting on the help of my friends. Perhaps it will help you as well. First off I shall turn to the musical styling of my handsome and disturbing friends Neil & Sky.



Share them with your friends and family!

Also, another friend of mine is apparently so obsessed with Christmas that he started a blog about it. Check out Larson's Cavalcade of Christmas. I have a feeling it will get pretty crazy over there.

If none of this works I'm going to start bringing spiked eggnog to work every day until we feel appropriately spirited at the office.

Rafting Prom 2011!

In the year 2001 I spent one special day primping and stressing over the minute details of what was a barely remembered sort of annoying night. The event I attended was known to my high school senior class as Prom.  It didn’t suck but it wasn’t the amazing momentous occasion you are told to dream of either.

Two weeks ago I was at a friend’s birthday party being introduced to a sassy guy in a pink shirt as his prom date. He didn’t appreciate his date being forced upon him. I think he assumed I was a bitch. I assumed he was gay. I had no idea what this prom thing was so my friends explained that they had plans to get dressed in formal wear and then travel to a river in Jersey where they would ride down the river on air mattresses.  No way in hell was I going to miss this. It turns out pink shirt guy is not gay, just a bit of a hipster and we have a ton in common even though I am a bit of a bitch. I get to go to prom!

Ten years later the real prom of my dreams comes to life.  Hell, even the music was better. Listening to a bunch of freaks belt out Total Eclipse of the Heart while standing in a waterfall is a million times better than standing in a swaying circle of pubescent, crying, sex crazed youth singing American Pie.

Okay, okay it wasn’t prom. It was just a really awesome outing with crazy amazing people. Here, I’ll show you so you can feel left out. Just like your original prom.

 This is the full crew. Photo taken by random man in the forest with dog. 

The Ladies of the Lake

I'm keepin' it classy New Jersey!

The guys are lookin' mighty fine. 

Actually with me putting my dress on in the background it looks a little like a terrifying woodland after-orgy photo. 

Prom Photo! Knight and Date

   The Naughty Couple

The water looks oil filled but we didn't notice anything unusual. Thanks to the hurricane we almost cancelled the trip. We were afraid of flooding, hypothermia, dead bloated animals, cemetery bits, and 10,000 gallons of diesel fuel. 

 The Mighty Waterfall

Climbing the Waterfall (aka Tits and Ass photo)

I lost my shoe climbing the rock and sensing my weakness my date started stalking me in the wood.

 Carrying my dead body down the river like a gentleman. 

#Wehadfun

So it was a pretty great Labor Day weekend. Hey if anyone has any awesome ideas of amazing things to do I'm open to suggestions.

Is your heart broken?

I’m not talking about your damn feelings. I want to know if you have had your ticker checked recently. Chest pain? Palpitations? Get to the f’ing doctor! Especially since you cosmically know me in some way. I’m starting to feel like the beacon of all heart pain and I mean that in addition to your damn feelings. I’m sure you all know people with these problems but come on, I’m in my twenties. This is ridiculous. Within the past week I’ve had two friends in the emergency room with heart issues. They are both way too young for that to be even close to normal. Neither of them are drug users so you can cross that right off your list of excuses. My mom was just telling me the other day that my crazy uncle called her in the middle of the night saying he thought he was having a heart attack but didn’t want to call an ambulance. What the hell? Call the damn ambulance! You live across the country. What in the hell is your sister going to do to help you? CPR doesn’t work over the phone. On the upside of this everybody has been fine. Just make sure you go to the doctor. I’m a little afraid that every time I start having an anxiety attack and my heart is beating out of my chest I’m going to convince myself I’m having a heart attack. Like I needed one more thing on my list of crazy. Thanks a lot universe.

The B Theory

Sunday night I was in a cab with two of my friends as we headed to our apartments after a long day of playing poker. As we chatted a strange conversation came up where one of the friends says “You’ve never heard of the B theory?” At least I think that is what he was calling it. Neither of us were familiar. Apparently the B theory applies to people that you would be interested in sleeping with just once under the terms that it was never mentioned ever again or you never had to see the person ever again. This would be guaranteed. So theoretically, who would be on your list? Close friends? Somebody you don’t like all that much as a person but you think might be amazing in the sack? Your boss? Go ahead and think about it.

*Insert Jeopardy Music – Funkafied for Sex Appeal*

So I thought about it. At first it seemed kind of like a funny idea. This is of course assuming that you are not cheating on anyone and it’s all in good safe fun. I went along with it and tried to think of someone.

That night I had nightmares.

I know it had something to do with the B theory so new and fresh in my mind. That night I had some horrible dream where I was at some sort of class reunion and apparently I went to school at Bayside High because the old classmate I was getting frisky with was Mario Lopez.

AHHHHHHH! I am not a fan of that pretty boy. It got weirder in a suddenly I’m naked in a room full of people sort of way. I woke up feeling a little nauseous and very upset with myself over my lack of taste in personality and overall indiscretion. Turns out the B theory is not for me.

But still, if you could……do you have a name on that list?

It’s 2011 Bitches!

I’m supposed to make some sort of list of ways to better my life or something, right? Why don’t I just compare it to prior years and see if I’m doing better or worse.

I thought I would look back through my little ol’ blog here and see if I made resolutions in the past. It seems I was too depressed to blog around this time last year but I did have a little something for 2009. Let’s take a gander.

My resolutions for 2009 (to be promptly forgotten by 1:05 am) are the following:
1) Find work in life that makes me happy.

2) Stop having seizures...somehow.

3) Replace the lack of drinking with even more sex. (Casey, this is your job. Oh, and apologies to any of Casey's family members that read this and may be traumatized.)

4) Meet a blogger. Anyone want to help me out with this one?

5) Continue having a wonderful life full of great family, friends, and bloggers that brighten it up.


Where the 2009 resolutions stand in 2011:
1) I have a temp job that I kind of like. I don’t fantasize about stabbing people nearly as much as I used to.

2) This seizure thing is not getting better. I just had one the morning of Dec 31st and I had to get on a plane back to New York that afternoon. I certainly didn’t party hard bringing in 2011 that night. I felt bad for my father who had never been around for one before. I know I don’t look or act like myself afterwards and I think I scared him when I wandered into his room and asked for help.

3) Why was there a lack of drinking in 09? What was I thinking? I’m indulging in both acts now although Casey isn’t involved. It seems sleeping with your ex when you are both dating new people would be frowned upon. I looked it up.

4) I met a blogger! It was only about a month ago that I met my first blog friend. Ben is an awesome (and hot) guy. He just moved to the area so hopefully I will be seeing more of him.

5) I failed at the blogger part last year but I’m back on track this year. CHECK.

Should I add some?

1) Continue working on my overall health. That seems like a good, vague choice. That can mean working out while eating sensible food and not doing massive amounts of drugs that will give me diseases and kill me. I’ll try that.
Eh, one is good enough.

Oh, take more nude photos. That will go on the list just as soon as I start taking better care of myself.

Happy New Year Skanks!

A Trip To The Diner

I was sitting at the local diner with Sky having a really shitty breakfast at 1pm. The old man next to us has been talking non-stop to the younger woman across the table since the dawn of time. I'm thinking perhaps she is deaf because I can't tell if she is even aware he is still rambling. I'm usually pretty good at blocking out other people but fairly quickly I realized both Sky and myself were totally silent and engrossed in what this man was talking about. He covered an array of topics with intense passion and commitment. You couldn't help eavesdropping. After all, he is only a foot away from me. So he says something about youth and how young people don't talk to their ancestors about history and how they could learn something from it. Possibly stop making the same mistakes. But the kids aren't interested. So I chimed in,

"Well, WE are interested!"

Whoa.

He turned to me and peered at me with his one working eye as it started to tear up and began a beautiful one person conversation that lasted for the next three hours. Oh yes. Three hours.

Turns out the younger woman across the table was his new wife. They just got married last year. He told us all about his abusive parents that raped him as a child and how he was autistic for 34 years and could barley move. He told us a lot about Winnicott whom he obviously adores. He is Jewish but kept saying he didn't believe in a God that could do the things that have happened to so many humans. Then he spoke of the Holocaust and the rape his wife endured in her prior marriage. He spoke of many religions and ideas and countries and people. He spoke of philosophers. He spoke quickly. I couldn't absorb it all.

Okay this is what I'm getting at. I walked into this diner expecting same old same old and ignoring what I assumed was a crazy old man. I ended up having an amazing eye and ear opening experience with enough information to count as an entire college course. Maybe you should consider having a long talk with someone in their eighties or nineties. I bet they could teach you something. Oh, and don't lose the chance to collect the stories of your family history because as my new friend said "when it's gone, it's gone" and lost forever.

Aren't you hungry for diner food now?

Hmmmmm......

My computer is a little bitch and doesn't turn on most of the time. I beat her profusely and still she refuses to obey. Because of her disobedience my life has been hard to chronicle and share with you. As you may know by now, I have little to no memory and forget what I did just an hour ago. That might be an exaggeration but it certainly is hard to keep track of things when you don't have much order to your life. So let's see what you might have missed.... hmmm.....

Last weekend I went camping in the Poconos with some friends. We spent one day White Water Rafting in the freezing rain. It was awesome and miserable. It rained that whole night at the campsite which made our raging campfire smoke even more. I invented the SMOKEBAG to protect my precious eyes. Basically I wore my hooded plastic poncho backwards. Yes, it is hard to breath with plastic covering your face. I was sharing a tent with a really gorgeous chick and her wet dog. As hot as that might sound I can assure you it wasn't. We did giggle like schoolgirls at the sound of our friends getting it on a few tents away. It was like Girl Scouts all over again. Hmmmm....

Last week Sky surprised me by telling me to be at a certain location by 5:30 and when I arrived they informed me he got me an aromatherapy manicure and pedicure. He isn't really the type to do this sort of thing so it really shocked me. How sweet right? Now I must wonder what he did wrong. Hmmmm....

I think I did lots of other things this week but they must have been comparatively insignificant. So what do we have to look forward to in the week to come? Let's check the calendar. Selling more collagen and the annual Pap Smear. Hmmmm...

A Bottle of Wine and Biding My Time

I've got nothing going on. I'm sitting here in my apartment after spending the day cleaning and doing laundry. I'm applying for jobs but have not really seen anything that seemed fitting or appropriate for my skill set. It worries me.

I opened a bottle of wine that my mother sent me. It's Educated Guess which is a Cabernet Sauvignon from Napa Valley. It's delicious (Thanks Mom!). I should really walk over to the cubbord and get a wine glass. I have some gorgeous red wine glasses that I adore (Thanks Case) and an AMAZING wine opener that makes uncorking a bottle as easy as removing a beer cap. (Thanks BabaHot).

I've been spending the last week reconnecting with friends that I haven't had the time to see as much over the last six months or so. I think seeing them is the only thing keeping me sane. I spent last night singing in a private karaoke room with two friends (Thanks Ava and Dana.) It's my friend Chad's birthday today and somehow I got him to share his homemade dinner with me the other day (Thanks Chad and Jess!)

Today I signed up for Skype. Want to friend me? I'm not giving out my name to just anybody but I dig this thing. It's a cool little invention. I especially like that you can do a free group chat. I think it helps build friendships. I'm not the best at keeping in communication with people so hopefully this will be another way to keep me at it.

I'm so sorry to post such a pathetic, mindless, .... whatever the f*** this is. In all honesty I've been an emotional whack job the last couple days. No idea why. I keep saying it out loud so I won't get too caught up in it and don't take anything too seriously. Honestly the one thing that really seemed to help and lift spirits was taking a Bikram class. I'm going to try and keep at that for awhile and see if it continues to help. Hell, it's a lot cheaper than therapy!

The Lodge

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood.
A beautiful day for a neighbor.
But I don't know mine.

Do you know your neighbors? I live in a 15 story apartment building so you would think I would know at least one person living in the building. You would think. Unfortunately I only know the door men. Sure there are people I have spoken to and wave at but I don't know their names. I would never borrow a cup of sugar if I ever decided to bake something. The closest neighbors I know live ten blocks south. Which is probably about sixty thousand people away. The two of them happen to live in the same building so I am obligated to travel south where I meet them for after work beverages a couple days a week. Drinks are more fun than baking anyway.

We call ourselves "The Lodge". Every now and then someone will send me a text that says "Lodge meeting tonight." So I know that happy hour is on and no less then three of us will be imbibing 2 for 1 drinks at our favorite local spot. It's a shitty bar with dirty bathrooms, a hundred dirty bras hanging from the ceiling, and the awesome bartender Mike. I have a pretend crush on Mike because he plays Rat Pack music every time I'm there even though it probably pisses off the other clientele. That's all it takes to win me over.

My official Lodge title is Vice President of Marketing and Customer Relations. Which means nothing. Our president is The Vin Man who looks like he is in his early thirties but is actually forty five. He has played guitar and written music for some major stars as well as touring each year on one of those majorly popular after the reality TV show is over tours of the country. But it would be rude for me to share details. He has unusual taste in women and usually cat calls the ladies that walk by while standing out front smoking. He has lived in this neighborhood for years and knows all that weirdos that drop in like the guy in the suite with the pompadour hair who is always looking for weed and the little old mousy woman under five feet tall who only drinks white wine and coughs a lot.

Our VP is Frederick the funny man. He is in his thirties and assistant manages a huge building somewhere downtown where people with Nobel Prizes and such keep their offices. That is just his day job. He is an actor that has been in many national musical tours like Singing In The Rain. Frederick has been a friend of mine for years but for the first couple we were always so drunk when we got together we kept forgetting each other. That was back when brunching was an all day booze fest.

These are my neighbors and my friends. They are far stranger then I have mentioned here because nobody has that kind of time to write this stuff out. Then again, of course they are strange if they hang out with me! So do you know your neighbors? Why? How? Should I bother to meet someone in my building? It just seems so sad that if all my bottle openers broke I would have to take the elevator all the way downstairs and walk the ten feet to the deli to buy a new one. Or I could ask the doorman.

Shows and Whatnot

This month is kicking off fast. I had a busy weekend of Celebrating Jason's B-day after his Parodivas show Thursday night and Karaoke for his birthday Friday night (they kept trying to find our hidden liquor but they failed!). Saturday night I cooked a tasty lasagna with my lover boy Casey. We then ate the meal while watching Spinal Tap with his roommate Billy. Billy had never seen the movie. If you have never seen Spinal Tap you are really missing out so make sure you put it at the top of your to do list. Then on Sunday I went to Jason's B-day brunch. Unlimited drinks with Mexican food is the proper way to celebrate a birthday.

The show the Parodivas performed in on Thursday night was On The Rocks with Danny Leary. He did a little raffle and Jason's boytoy friend won two tickets to Iridium Jazz Club. He gave them to me!!! Well, after the Parodivas told him to. So Parodiva Darla went with me to the 10pm show on Monday night to see LES PAUL perform. It was amazing! I had a huge smile through the whole show and I even developed a little crush on Les. If you don't know anything about him, here is a little blurb taken from the Iridium website.

"Les Paul , Rock and Roll Hall of Famer, five-time Grammy Award winner, pioneer of the electric guitar and inventor of numerous recording tech-niques, such as reverb and multi-track recording was born June 9, 1915 in Waukesha Wisconsin."

That's right. I spent Monday night watching a hell of a show performed by a 93 year old man in a turtleneck. He flirted with his hot young bass player and jammed with a couple surprise guests. It was fantastic. If you get the chance to see this man I recommend you take it.

Yesterday I read what was possibly the best blog post ever written. Matt-Man at Bagwine Ruminations proposed to the lovely Schmoop via blog and we all waited anxiously in the comments for her to go on lunch break at work and respond. Luckily for Matt-Man she said yes (even if it ruins her credit score.) Congratulations Bagwine Lovers!

Tonight I'm going to some sort of 80's wrestling party. I have no idea what that means but at least I will have a story for later.

Are you busy on Halloween? You should come hear me sing at Don't Tell Mama 9pm Halloween night. The Parodivas are hosting a show and asked me to perform. It will be an amazing time, I promise you.

Go ahead, write it into your datebook. ;)

Knight Life

Well, I did it. I lived through it. I was so nervous when I got out there that I couldn't keep my knee caps from jumping around but people laughed at all the appropriate moments (which was pretty much the whole show) and it seemed to go fine. I didn't need to leave the stage to throw up even once. I did mess up lyrics on several songs so that sucked. I have the worst on tape. No I will not share it with you. For anyone that is curious, here is the set list:

Come On A My House
Lazy River
God Bless The Child
Black Coffee
Love Me Or Leave Me
Makin' Whoopie
No Moon At All
Peel Me A Grape
My Heart Belongs To Daddy
The Devil And The Deep Blue Sea
Cry Me A River
Lullaby Of Birdland
Night Life

Here is a picture of me on stage with wine and Dean Martin.

I look like a demon. Per usual.

This was taken right after the show. These are two of my best girlfriends.

I was so lucky to have so many friends show up. I really appreciate them coming to support me. It really meant a lot to me to see each of them there and it isn't something I will forget.

I owe my soul to Jason. He directed and kept me sane. He made it funny. How do I repay that? I assume with booze.

Here are some highlights of what happened. My dress was seriously short so I had a lot of ad libbing about trying not to show too much, if you know what I mean. I had a line "My other loves are Dean Martin, and my Lesbian lover Casey, I mean Julie London." Everyone thought this was an accident including Casey. I didn't even write that line! When I did "My Heart Belongs to Daddy" My dad was in the front row and he wouldn't look at me. Unfortunately the whole audience was watching him not watch me. Awkward! Then some other crap happened but I'm getting bored talking about it. Time to move on.

Thanks for all the support and well wishes peeps!

Rock Band

Dear Rock Band,

I hate you. Sure you provide endless entertainment for video game nerds around the world but shouldn't they be outside getting some sun on their pasty faces or God forbid, learning to play REAL instruments? Sure you are an amusing game. Lights and images all a flutter with cool tunes blasting. Even I enjoy looking for the first half hour and then the motion sickness comes. I have to look away or I will hurl on your cheap guitar with the colorful buttons designed to simplify the ever so complicated concept of strings.

I have to admit, for a little while I enjoy playing or singing along. Then I get angry. I get angry because you are a computer game and you are ruining the music for me. Not only do you force our pretend band that is intensely staring at a tv screen to play note for note second for second EXACTLY what you tell us to but you also make it so that the music is being overpowered by loud clicking of plastic buttons and drum beats. All the clicking makes my head spin. It seriously spins like a poltergeist took over. That is what you do to me Rock Band. That is exactly what you do.

Everybody else just loves you. "Aren't you fun! What a great game you are!" I know what you are trying to do. You are trying to take over the world. You are trying and damnit you are winning you bastard. Nobody seems to see it but me. The novelty of pretending to be a rock star doesn't wear off...it intensifies. They grow addicted to you. Suddenly you are the only thing anybody wants to do. Oh, your followers may think I'm exaggerating but I'm on to you. I'll let them play but I'll be watching. I'll be watching with a set of garden sheers on your power cord. If I see even the slightest hint of my friends turning into zombies, you will die. I will beat you to death with your own bass driven right through your drum set. Screw you Rock Band!

Kiss Off,

Knight

It's a Drug

Last night I went out to dinner with my good friend A. She was coming from her big screen premiere that she didn't invite anyone to but from the sound of it everything went beautifully. She was in good spirits as was I so after some humus and a drink or two we headed to Union Square where we sat on the steps smoking cigars. We talked about plenty of things but mostly about our mutual love for the city. Around twelve thirty I decided I better get home and wash the smoke off so I could get to work on time the next morning. She went downtown to sip juleps with her lover. We were on a seasonal city buzz. It's the energy. It takes over you like a drug. At one point in the evening A. introduced me to this song:



I was hooked immediately. First of all I have always been a fan of George Orwell's 1984. This was an interesting twist of what he was saying. I thought I should share it with you all in the off chance someone might find it as amusing as I did.

"Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle." -George Burns

Bruises, Paint, & Passports

Hey all. It's been awhile. I'll just do an update to start. Friday night I went to a birthday party at Mason Dixon where you can order beer by the bucket and ride a mechanical bull. Oh yeah, I rode that bull. I was going to post a picture but none of them look exciting. I lucked out because my only injuries are a small bruise the size of the tip of my finger on the inside of each thigh. Some people told me they have bruising all down their thighs. I did not ask to see.

After Saturday morning brunch with Casey I had a strong desire to spend time at the hardware store. Since it was pouring out I figured it was a good day to stay in the apartment and paint all the wood doors black. I picked up my supplies and spent the rest of the day priming and painting to my hearts content. The black glossy paint I used dried perfectly with a sheen that makes it look like I covered the doors in leather. Perfect! When I was done I laid back and enjoyed the fumes.

Sunday night I had a birthday party to attend at Beauty Bar. It's an interesting place where the walls are lined with old fashioned hairdryers. On Wednesdays you can get a free manicure when you purchase a martini. I find that sort of gross. The party turned into more of a photo shoot but we had a great time. I also considered posting a photo of this but I have a feeling my friends won't appreciate me posting photos of them on a public blog.

I called out of work on Monday due to feeling crappy and spent the entire day in bed. I could have used yesterday to accomplish so much more... but no.

Over the weekend I also received my passport. I keep staring at it and thinking I could just leave right now. I can get in a cab to JFK, charge a flight to a credit card and go wherever the hell I want. If only I didn't have to do things like, go to work and maintain a job so I can pay rent. I would also need to pay off that credit card. Is it worth it? I don't know.

Peep Show!

I just realized it's almost that time of year where children play with eggs and dye, eat shit loads of chocolate, and get easily distracted playing in the yard looking for things for hours. Since moving to New York I had never celebrated this holiday but last year we had a grand time. A lovely lady with the last name Eyster held Eyster Brunch. We all showed up and drank a lot per usual. William brought us eggs with scary pictures and lotto tickets inside. Someone brought a bodega baby Jesus candle so we lit it at the table for brunch and every bar we hit after. At some point we lost him in a gay bar with a stripper. Then we all stumbled back to our homes and tried to drink enough water to go to work the next day. It's a lot like St. Patrick's day come to think of it. *sigh* I miss those good old brunches we used to have. What happened to us? Did we all get too old? Did our livers give up? It's been a long time since I've woken up on Doodle's futon at 6am Monday morning realizing I have to go to work soon.

The Hot and the Homeless

Last night I was out drinking wine and listening to jazz with A and NYCeCe.
We had not all been out together in awhile and it was great to catch up on a lot of things. At one point we remembered one of those great city stories that is blog worthy. NyCeCe promised to write it and if she does I will link it here but I'm going to do my half assed version anyway.
******************************************
One summer night several years ago I was headed to meet NyCeCe at her job on the Upper West Side. I did this frequently so I usually stood outside the employee exit and waited for her to come out. I was still a block or two away from her job when an extremely attractive man stops me in the street. He started telling me how stunning I am (which in this city happens to everyone everywhere) but I was a little surprised by his behavior. I thanked him and tried to keep walking but he followed me. "I know this is awkward and I don't want to scare you but I'm in a bad situation and I was hoping you could help."
I'm not usually very nice to strangers but he had captured my interest. After all, he was damn hot. He told me that he recently became homeless and needed a place to stay. He asked me, a stranger in the street, if he could come home with me. I laughed and said I wasn't going home, I was going to meet a friend at her work. Then I commented that he certainly didn't look homeless.
I kept walking. He followed. "Do you mind if I join you while you wait for your friend?" He was kind of charming. Sure attractive homeless guy. You can wait with me in the street because NyCeCe has to see this.
It was worth it. She came out of that employee exit, saw me standing with this guy and I could see the "Who's the hottie?" look on her face. I introduced him by name and then promptly announced, "We just met. He's homeless." So we invited him to join us for a pitcher of Sangria.
As we drank our fruity wine we were asking him questions about why he was homeless and where he had been staying. Basically, we were trying to figure him out. It didn't make sense. In the meantime he is hitting on both of us and trying to get one of us to invite him home. On the one hand, the guy needed help. On the other, we are not stupid. Visions of Charles Manson are going through our heads. So we both told him over and over again that we were very sorry but neither of us would be providing his shelter for the night. Then he pulled out a $20 and tried to pay for the Sangria. What? Where did that come from? No homeless man, this one is on us.
I don't really remember what happened after we left that place. I think we basically ran so the guy would stop following us.
This is only one of the many, many odd outings we have shared. I like this story. I frequently wonder where the hot homeless man is now. I wonder what lucky lady finally did take him home. I also wonder if he killed her. Ah, good times.

Pimpin my Work Peeps

My office is so very loveless these days. I told my lonely co-workers I would help pimp them out via my blog. Luckily I've got something for everyone (except lesbians, sorry ladies). They agreed to let me post a profile of each of them in hopes of meeting new available people. They all say they are willing to travel to other cities, and countries for the right person/amount of money. Okay, in all honesty none of them are actually lonely but they are single. They are all very cool people and they agreed to let me write profiles about them.
So step right up and meet the people that get me through the work day:


StumpsAround:
Stumpy is a SWF from the South. The nickname Stumpy came from another co-worker who once opened a muffin and found mold inside the Stump. She has since dubbed our shorter work pal Stumps/Stumpy/StumpsAround, or anything else you can come up with. Her interests include buying expensive clothes, drinking beer then visiting white castle, spreading pink eye to cowboys, baking delicious cookies, dancing the robot, and hiding in duffel bags. She has a tendency to self sabotage her relationships by going for the wrong man every time. If you are Asian or look under age she will be all yours.



LargeDecafHazelnutCoffeeWithMilk:
The name is obviously the drink he orders every freakin' day at our 10:30 coffee run. For some reason the guy at the cafe can't remember all the specifics so he has to tell him every time. Ridiculous! LDHCM likes his coffee like he likes his men: Tall, light, and nutty but doesn't effect your nerves. That is only sort of true. You don't have to be light. LDHCM writes funny skits and plays and shit. He will probably write one for you if you ask real nice. He also draws random pictures all day. I think most of them are of himself which would imply that he is extremely narcissist. I wish he would start a blog because he has a sense of humor like no other. He is looking for a soulpal that will read the dictionary with him. His interests are dumplings, being a tetherball (see image), and carrots.


REX:
This is the catch of the day ladies. He has recently been made over by yours truly and the two listed above. (Seriously, new wardrobe, haircut, everything.) He is looking for a lady that will mess with his emotions and cause irreparable damage to his ego. He is easily lured with rice krispie treats, banana liquor, and needy cats. His secret desire is to be a famous white raper like Eminem or Vanilla Ice. His interests are improv, getting lots of attention, trapping people in his apartment, and condemning you to hell for smoking.
We do not take responsibility for the hat in this picture.

These are my peeps and I'm trying to hook them up so if you are looking or you know somone that is looking please feel free to make a bid and I'll except the payments via pay pal. I can have them delivered in six to eight days.

Liquor in the front, Poker in the rear.

I didn't win the pot last night but we had a pretty good game. The trick to having a great poker night is finding cool people who take the game seriously but not too seriously. Enough to keep the game going but not so much that you can't laugh while you play. Lately I have been playing about twice a month with some friends. People weave in and out of games so it's never all the same group. We play Texas Hold'em with a fairly cheap buy in so you never lose too much but if you are the winner of the night you gain a decent bundle. Anyway, the game last night was amusing. My best hand was a straight flush. We played in a Harlem apt where I had some pizza and a few Dos Equis. It's the proper way to play. Back when I had a regular poker night with co-workers we played in this fancy-schmancy Upper East Side apartment. In accordance we would eat Thai and drink wine. They were good times. I really do enjoy the game and I have learned to play fairly well. It's all about luck and bullshit.
And now it's time for The Gambler

Sunday Brunch

Brunching is one of the best Sunday activities in New York City. Today I met some friends at some Italian place around one. The service was horrible but we still had a good time. It was one of the rare brunches that didn't last all day. After a couple glasses of champagne I went to Boarders for a new book and took the bus back to my apartment. Then I promptly fell asleep. When did naps become so wonderful? Is it one of the signs you are getting old? Maybe it was the champagne. Whatever it was, I wish I could do it more often.

Tis the Season

The season for going out way too much. I had a lovely day yesterday even though the weather was a watery slush mix falling from the sky. I met NYCeCe, A, and Kelly for our annual holiday gathering. We had brunch on the UWS for a couple hours. Screaming kids crawled along the floor under tables of this very nice restaurant. It was gross. If your twelve year old is unable to stay in their chair and off the floor for a meal, don't take them to nice places. Regardless, we enjoyed our visit and then headed back to my apartment for some spiked eggnog and wine. I even put up some lights. That was about it. We had stuff to do so we all said Happy Holidays, er.. whatever and ran off in different directions.
Sunday evening I went to a theater party with A. We watched an odd burlesque show and then danced for a few hours. It was interesting. Fun.. and interesting. I felt like I was in my grandmother's basement the whole time. Drinking Pilsner and watching a burlesque show in your grandmothers basement is the closest you can get to "that cozy holiday feeling". Tonight is the night for Ice Skating. I absolutely love Ice Skating so I've been looking forward to this. Hope I don't break anything!

Against my better Judgement

Recently Gwen mentioned on her blog that it was not a good idea to post when you have been drinking. I would usually agree but for some reason I am ignoring that advice right now. I thought it only fair since I spoke of Thursday night to mention what a wonderful time I had on both Friday and Saturday as well.
Friday night I went to a catered apartment party with my wonderful/ fantastic boyfriend and two of our close friends. I think we all had a good time. It was an interesting crowd with delicious food and drink. I truly love the company of all of these people so we were bound to have a good night out.
Saturday night I saw August: Osage County with Jason. You know what... that play is damn amazing. We were both a little confused throughout the first scene but from then on you find yourself fully captivated for three hours. I don't want to ruin it for anybody but if you have the chance, see it. It's a beautiful script that I hope to read in the near future and the acting was amazing. So many other things would be worth mentioning but I won't bother here. After the play we met William at the Ritz for drinks. I didn't drink that much until I realized the bartender was an old AMDA friend and he offered a huge shot which I stupidly took before getting in a cab and deciding to blog. Brilliant. Anyway, it was a wonderful evening and I would still be out if I didn't have such a big day planned tomorrow. I hope everyone is having a lovely weekend. I'm off to bed.