Monday, June 30, 2008

Like Getting Hit By A Bus

I woke up at seven am yesterday. I felt odd. A little nauseous and shaky. I wasn't sure why but I couldn't get back to sleep. I watched some TV and did some stuff around the apartment. I made some rice in hopes it would ease my stomach. Nothing helped. All I really wanted was a couple more hours of real sleep but my head was spinning and I just couldn't settle down. While propped up on my knees at the foot of my bed I realized my head was forcing me to look as far left as possible and I couldn't stop it. I could feel my right arm was pointed in the other direction just above my head. I was trying so hard to look at it but I had no control. Suddenly I realize, I'm having a seizure. This is my third seizure ever and the other two were just a little over a year ago. As I'm sure you can assume, they are painful. I was still on my knees when I figured out what was happening and I tried to force myself down on the bed to ensure safety but I didn't have any control so luckily it happened on it's own. As I felt my left arm curl up against my body by my face I kept begging to pass out. I know what to expect now. First it's the rigid pain that feels like electricity jolting through my body followed by loss of sight and buzzing in my ears that blocks out all sound. Finally I pass out. This time around when I realized I was having a seizure and it was too late to move I kept begging for it to hurry up and be over. Several thoughts went through my head. I remember when the buzzing took over I kept thinking PASS OUT PASS OUT. I was worried I was peeing my bed. I felt something coming out of my mouth and thought I was vomiting or foaming. I didn't think about not being able to breathe at all. I have no idea what time it was. I have no idea how long it lasted.

Sometime later I woke up in bed and didn't remember a thing. I figured I had finally fallen back asleep but I felt even stranger than before. My body wasn't working right. My head was spinning. I was confused. I got in the shower and got dressed. Slowly I started to remember. I was still so out of it I wasn't sure what to do but I was alone and I was scared it would happen again. I spent a long time in my apartment unable to decide what I was supposed to do. Finally I realized I couldn't stay there alone and I better go to the emergency room. I walked out the front door, hailed a cab, and told him the name of the hospital I wanted to go to.

On the way I got a text from Casey saying something about that night. My head still wasn't working properly and I sent back something confusing and probably eerie "Im going tio thf hospital. anothes seizure." Being the wonderful person he is, he got in a cab and met me there. The story from this point on gets a little boring because I was in the ER for hours and nothing particularly amusing happened. I was happy to have my nurse boyfriend with me so he could explain stuff to me and hook me back up to my fluids. Finally I was discharged and made my way back to my apartment with Casey. I soon realized every single muscle in every part of my body hurts like I was hit by a bus and thrown several feet in the air before landing on concrete. I may be aching but I'm so happy. I'm happy I have such an incredible person to stay with me and remind me to ask for things like anxiety meds to help me sleep. I wasn't scared last night and I'm not scared today. I'm really lucky to have him around.

So that is what I did yesterday. I experienced seizure numero tres. Hope your day was a little more relaxing.

33 comments:

WomensDaily said...

That is atrocious, I can't believe you had to go through that.

Dana said...

YIKES! Do you have any idea what is causing these?

VE said...

Can I borrow your seizures? I have a long meeting coming up soon and I think that might get me excused. You can still count to 10 and stuff like that, right?

Reb said...

They still have no idea what is causing these?

It sounds like you have a wonderful guy there. I'm glad you are no longer scared.

Knight said...

Womensdaily- I can't believe so many people go through that every single day. You would always be sore in some way.

Dana- I am betting I will be better if I don't drink. I'm going to try that out and see what happens. If I have seizures again I'm going right back to the bottle.

VE- Be my guest! Keep them if you like them. I wish I would have them at convenient times like during meetings instead of when I should be sleeping. You probably won't be able to count to ten immediately after but it will come back to you.

Reb- I'm lucky to have him around.

Jay said...

Yikes! That's pretty scary. At least you realized what was happening and it's cool that Casey met you at the hospital. I wish they could find out what is causing these!

Cinder-Single said...

I am scared for you! but you have a great nurse beside you!!

I am glad he is there for you!!!

You have a great man!

Ne.

Evil Genius said...

OMG, that is awful! I'm glad to hear that you're okay, but I sure hope you can figure out what is causing them and get them under control. That must be so incredibly frightening, I can't imagine.

Mike said...

Would the following joke be inappropriate?

I had this girlfriend, and you know, I thought I was really, really good in bed.

Turns out she had epilepsy and didn't tell me.

If the above joke was inappropriate, please strike it from the record.

Tall Lanky Jew said...

:)
Love you Knight!!!

GMEyster said...

I'm sitting here on the edge of my seat. What an eerie account of what you went through. I can imagine wanting to pass out, too.

You're lucky to have that amazing man, but your guy is a lucky one, too. I'm so thrilled you are with someone who knows what counts. I imagine that must be such a comforting, wonderful feeling :o)

BBC said...

Sorry hon, but I don't have time to read this very carefully so will just toss shit at the wall and see what sticks.

I have never experienced a seizure so I don't know what that is like. I watched my brother have a few of them but he was a fucking idiot and you don't seem to be that way. Maybe a bit confused, but not like him.

Boring? Never boring around me. Only 25, what do you think the world will be like when you get to 50? If you get there that is.

Anyway, gotta run, take care hon.

minijonb said...

It's time to tell the doctors to pull off the gloves and get out the meds that work! They have plenty of time release drugs on the market that should help this problem with few or no side effects. Have that awesome boyfriend of yours help you get this under control! Sending you some extra karma.

captain corky said...

That sounds really awful. I'm sorry you had to go through that hell, but I am glad that your boyfriend was very helpful and there for you.

gary rith said...

oh that's so awful!!!!!!!!!!

Leighann said...

How awful. Please take care of yourself.

Tink said...

On the one hand... God, that sucks! On the other... I'm so glad you have such a great guy in your life, and one with medical knowledge!

The Mountain Cat said...

Wow sorry too hear Knight. My sister used to have seizures so I know what you are going through. I hope you can get rid of them for good.

Knight said...

Jay- Yeah, I wish they knew as well. My understanding is that it could be a mixture of anything.

Cinder-Single- Thank you but there is no reason to be scared. I'm okay. I'm glad I have a Case with me too.

Evil Genius- It is scary but I've noticed it doesn't bother me even half as much this time as it did last time. Guess I'm getting used to it.

Mike- Ha, funny but gross. Just your style. If you ever do find you have a girl in bed that is foaming at the mouth and all her muscles are locking you might want to stop. It's for your own good.

TLJ- Love you too Jew! I mean, Casey.

GMEyster- What a thoughtful comment. Thank You. He is lucky isn't he?

BBC- I don't even want to imagine what the world will be like in 25 years. I have to take it one day at a time and even then it is hard to swallow the news.

Minijonb- I have been taking time release meds for over a year and this is the first seizure I have had since starting them. I'm sure the neurologist will discuss changing meds with me but I'm not sure if I want to yet. I don't adjust to new medicine well. Thank you for the karma!

Knight said...

Captain Corky- It sucks but this was the third time and I seem to be adjusting to it really well this time around. That might be because of the boyfriend's help.

Gary- Yeah, it sucks because it hurts. I don't even know why I'm writing about it but it seems to help.

Leighann- Yeah, I think I have to now. That sucks. I want to be reckless!

Tink- Yeah I'm glad I have him around too. I kept asking him what my results meant when they checked my blood pressure and other various things.

The Mountain Cat- She did? Did she have them as a child? The thought of seeing a child go through that is heart breaking. It sounds like she doesn't have them anymore and that is great news.

furiousBall said...

get thee to a doctor amiga, stat

BBC said...

Yeah, I amuse Helen very much, she thinks I'm a one man entertainment center and the most interesting man she has ever met. But she of course gets me. Have a nice day, Knight.

Doc said...

I am really sorry to hear that. I know you have talked about them before and the thought has always been in the back of your mind. You must feel so powerless when that is happening? I hope they can find some medical answers for you.

Anndi said...

Yikes! I'l add you to the list things I'm asking the universe for answers to.

And yes, you are blessed to have a Casey as I'm sure he's blessed to have a Knight.

Knot said...

I hope you are much better soon. I would be upset if something happened to you. Please feel better soon.

Knot

Knight said...

Furiousball- I've been amigo. They think I'm fine for the most part.

BBC- You do seem to be entertaining!

Doc- If they could find answers it would be great but I get the impression this is something I'll have to figure out for the most part on my own.

Anndi- If you hear back from the universe please let me know. They haven't been answering my call. Jerks.

Knot- Wow, thanks. I appreciate you saying that. I'm already doing better.

Farmer*swife said...

I am glad somewhat that you were aware when it came on....but, I can only imagine the fear and anguish and discomfort....

I can totally empathize with that feeling of hoping you could pass out (rather than experience it further alert and aware).

Glad you have someone close to you with medical training.

Jo said...

I'm sorry you have to deal with this crud...people have all sorts of suck-ass medical issues to deal with but I think the loss of control makes this extra sucky.

You're such a bounce-back girl, it really impresses me & I think it says everything about your real courage that you can be terrified & yet still get on with your life, living solo. You're incredible & I'm so glad you're okay!

Casey is a real gem, I'm happy he's yours :)

The Mountain Cat said...

Knight, My sister Valerie had them a lot as a child. She doesn't have full control of her right side from the seizure effects. But she's been on medication her whole life. Shes 49 now. She hasn't had a seizure in years. The good news is that she has two completely healthy kids!

Robert said...

wow miss knight you sure have unbelievable composure and mental toughness!!! That is an amazing story and you are a very courageous lady so cool to have such a good friend as casey right there. I hope that any and all tests prove negative for brain damage and the cause can be found and dealt with :)

Catizhere said...

Oh Jeez! That was terrifying for me to read! I can't even imagine what it was like for you. Thank God for Casey.

There's a blog I read called LookyDaddy. His 8 year old daughter has seizures. He described one once. It gave me the willies.
I'm so very glad that you're ok.

On a separate note, WOW! You are gorgeous!!

Darla said...

I wish I was in NY to hug you, truly.

That Casey, what a guy...and you rock for publicly announcing it too. As a nurse, I bet he doesn't always get to find out how much he's appreciated by anyone he helps...ya know?

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