Monday, August 11, 2008

Dirty Dancing


*WARNING - This post is very crass.*

It's time for another blog about SCARY ASS PEOPLE. Saturday night I went out on the town with my friend Ava (previously known as A) We went to the east village or the lower east side. I don't really remember. Wherever we were we stopped at a nice place for a glass of wine and an appetizer. We started off the night well and enjoyed ourselves in a clean, classy environment.

After we left we wandered a bit and Ava decided it might be fun to catch a burlesque show at The Slipper Room. That sounds entertaining, right? She has been there several times and I have certainly seen a lot of burlesque dancing at various venues that was impressive. We figure we will go in, have a drink, and wait for the show. We chatted up the bartender and the room slowly became packed. I don't know how we did it but somehow we pushed through the crowd during the first break between shows and we ended up seated right next to the stage just feet from the dancers. It started off vaguely interesting with a confetti gun prop and a fan dancer performing to the Imperial March. One chick was wearing about twenty pairs of underwear that she kept pulling off. The host was a guy that came out and did a strip tease in his 80's attire to flashdance. Then he pulled the old red sock he was using as a headband and stuffed it in his granny panties for bulk. I'm still talking about the good part of the night just incase you can't tell anymore.

Everything was going fine with the interesting acts until crazy wig came out. She danced for a minute and then hopped off the stage to grab my face and "kiss" me. This was actually more her rubbing her glitter red lips across my chin thus giving me diseases. She then tried to do the same to various other people in the audience but they had the sense to jump back. Then she danced again. It wasn't long before Ava and I noticed that you could see her tampon string and we started feeling bad for her. Like she was modest or something. Unfortunately that string became a part of the act as she started to play it like a guitar. Yep. I kid you not. Crazy wig played away until she tired of this game and just pulled the whole thing out and threw it into the audience. The people scattered like the red sea parting. It would be incredibly creepy and weird if this were all the spur of the moment behaviour of a crazy person but it wasn't. This act was planned. She probably does this on a regular basis. A monthly rotation would be the obvious guess.

Just when you thought it wasn't going to get any worse/better another dancer had to come out and top the act before her. How do you do that? By playing a cardboard guitar shaped like a heart, tearing off your Dr's jacket, and urinating into a glass. SERIOUSLY. This girl started the stream in a thong on stage right into a large glass and then held it out for the audience to see. Like an offering. The glass read "Love Potion." Now you might think that isn't as bad as the tampon incident but I have not even made it to the good part. The chick held out the glass and then went to put it down but suddenly a guy with a group of friends jumped out of his seat, grabbed the glass, and chugged it like a shot! Holy mother of urine, I hope he knew something I didn't but I really don't think he did. The face he made after and the shock in that room... I don't even have words. The dancer stopped dancing and made the call me signal to him several times before leaving the stage.

That is when we decided to call it a night. I have seen a lot of crazy stuff in my life but that certainly was at the top... for this month.... so far. I hope I have properly expressed my trauma. Good luck going to sleep tonight.

28 comments:

As American as Apple Pie said...

OMG!!!!! WTF???!!! That is beyond anything I could have conjured up in my little brain. Where do people come up with this stuff? The only thing to top that would have been watching someone jack off into a glass and having someone drink it.

VE said...

And those nice people in the white uniforms behind the desk that said insane asylum as you walked into this place...they were there for your protection...

Jay said...

See .. that's something you just don't see here in the heartland.

And, as repulsive as all this sounds, I really think I would like to go to that place sometime.

Mike said...

Only in New York City.

Why didn't I see any of that shit when I was there?

Not fair!

The best I got to see was Jon Luvitz call Bob Saggot a Faggot at a comedy club.

Tall Lanky Jew said...

I think I just vomitted a little bit in my mouth. :(

Tall Lanky Jew said...

I think I just vomitted a little bit in my mouth. :(

Knot said...

So they put all the freaks in one room and tried to see who could out gross the other guy.

And you paid for this?

Knot

Reb said...

Um...thanks for sharing? Yeah, scary ass people is a good label. Do you carry antibacterial lotion with you?

GMEyster said...

Oh. My. Holy. Shit.

Knight said...

Apple Pie- It's pretty hard to shock me anymore but they got me. I can't imagine what happened after I left.

Ve- If only there had been some sort of warning like that. If only.

Jay- I'll take you some time!

Mike- Oh you missed out big time. But I sort of wish I had been at the Lovitz/Saggot gay bash fest. That would be an odd thing to see.

TLJ- At least it is just vomit.

Knot- We paid 5 bucks to see dancers. We had no idea. No idea.

Reb- Of course I do! I was rubbing it on my face that night.

GMEyster- That's what I said!

Darla said...

i am so disappointed. burlesque is an old fashioned art form, a type of performance art that used to contain mystery and sensuality...what men got off on before hardcore porn.

i guess some men could still get off on this...especially drinky mcpisshead...but really...where have all the cowgirls gone?

sigh.

LL said...

*blink*

An Artist Exposed said...

Two big disappointments for me:
1. That burlesque could sink to this level.
2. That those "performers" felt that they have to descend to those depths to be appreciated/remembered.

captain corky said...

I wonder if they offered the kid in the audience a job... Sounds like he would fit right in.

Dianne said...

They just don't cover this in the tour books!

Real Live Lesbian said...

Here in Nashville, you just get to see titties at the Burlesque show.

And honestly, that's all I want to see.

Ew.

gary rith said...

I think Casey was a little disturbed by all this....

cat said...

O, O'my...I just don't know what to say...I'm speechless.

Holy mother of ......damn people are crazy!

moooooog35 said...

Next time you go, please tell my mom I said 'hi.'

Knight said...

Darla- That is exactly how I felt. I can only remember two dancers that truly used burlesque as an art form. In the end you think of them as beautiful and artistic. Not shocking and horrifying like the others.

LL- Normal response I would think.

Artist Exposed- Yes exactly. It was too bad. I would think of this as a strip show and not a classy one so it shouldn't be labeled burlesque. If I had been warned it wouldn't have been as unfortunate.

Captain Corky- He is probably a regular now.

Dianne- Hmm, maybe I should start a tour book for this sort of thing. Jay and Mike would buy it! Do you know of any good places to add?

Real Live Lesbian- Yeah, that was all I was expecting. Silly me.

Gary Rith- Ha, yeah. I told him the story again in person. He told me of all the bad things in urine.

Cat- I'm always going to wonder what act came on after we left.

Mooooog35- You got it. Was she the bleeder or the peeer?

minijonb said...

i have to go wash my mind to get all those images out of my head! arrrgh...

The Mountain Cat said...

I love this dirty town.

Tink said...

OMG! Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew.

JasonBSchmidt said...

Finally I have the staging ideas I need for the show I am directing this month. Whew!

catscratch said...

Oh my God. Yah, that's what the seventh realm of hell must look like... I'm guessin.

Farmer*swife said...

WHAAAAAT? WTH was I and how did I miss reading this!!!???

[Oh, probably packing and I didn't have my Mac up to wireless yet. DH comandeers the PC at night and the kids don't give me much time during the day (as they are still on summer vacation)....

Can't wait to hear how tomorrow night goes!!!!!

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