Monday, October 11, 2010

Hey There Crazy!


I’m sorry tall semi-attractive black man on the subway, are you talking to me? I can see that you are wildly gesturing at me and very heatedly speaking non-stop but I can’t hear you over the breaks screeching. It’s 9am on Monday and I’m on my way to work so usually I avoid making eye contact with people but you seem so excited to fill me in on some sort of news. What’s that? Oh, you are God? That is interesting! Are you sure you’re God or have you just used a little too much crack in your time? I’m sorry, did I just hear you call that kid a very derogatory term? Sure he is dressed a little flamboyantly but I don’t think God says things like that to innocent people on the subway. You are right; I don’t understand you and I never will because you have serious difficulties with sentence structure. Please don’t get closer to me. Oh, you are Native American? I killed you? The hand gesture gun at my head is a little amusing but mostly scary. You might have a real gun in those gigantic pants and I would rather not see it. Now you are just talking gibberish and I can’t tell if you are threatening me or trying to inform me of something you think is important. Oh no, I’m so SORRY God but this is my train stop. Let’s continue this conversation another time. Will you still be this crazy say tomorrow morning around 9am? Great, see you then.

Life as a crazy magnet in New York is so thrilling!

14 comments:

Jay said...

I think it would be fun to just ride around the subway or bus all day long and PRETEND to be crazy. It might be a great social experiment.

Also, I'm sure he'll be there again tomorrow at the same time. I know I would be. That's the first thing they teach you in stalking school. ;-)

kcinnova said...

I'm glad you can enjoy it (well, not the imaginary gun pointed at your head... I don't think anyone could enjoy that). I don't miss big city life at all. The crazies in Seattle always raised my blood pressure.

Doc said...

Subways can be scary... #fact

Dana said...

The El in Chicago has a similar crazy factor.

There was a guy that used to walk through the late night Blue Line El saying (while all up in everyone's personal space), "Can you spare some change for a sammich?"

One night I bought a sammich and handed it to him as he walked through the El. He gave me "the look" and said, "I want change for a sammich! Not a sammich!!"

Ummm ... yeah ...

LL said...

I was having a bad day... sheesh. And you have to go and blog all about it? :P

Knight said...

Jay- I always thought stalking 101 was peep holes.

Kcinnova- Sometimes people get to me and I get pissed. I think this was okay because I wasn't on the train for long.

Doc- That's for damn sure.

Dana- Perhaps you didn't understand that sammich means drugs. If you had handed him some crack he would have gladly accepted.

LL- I thought that was what you wanted. If you would have just made a full sentence!

Reb said...

Almost makes me jealous - but not quite. We have our crazies, but they don't dress flamboyantly, they just smell. Oh and they ride the surface buses too.

Matt-Man said...

What if God was one of us, just a slob like one of us...Cheers Knight!!

Real Live Lesbian said...

LMAO @ STALKING 101

That's too funny. Everybody knows it's looking in people's windows while you're acting like you're walking through the neighborhood!

I think Jay teaches 201 on the first Saturday of the month.

Dianne said...

ahhhh I remember this well
be careful out there kid

Micky-T said...

In my senior high school days we used to drop something (get it?) on a Friday or Saturday night, jump on the Boston T for just a quarter, and go round and round for hours just for the hell of it. Always, a hell of a trip!

Mike said...

I would report the gun motion thing to the police.

GMEyster said...

I think you and I may be taking the same train. Oy.

Both Sides of Ben Marlan said...

I was on the LIRR going into NY one time and this Carazzy lookin woman with huge eyes came in and sat next to me and said "do you know jesus died for your sins.." I said how could he, he didnt even know me, and if he did, he might have changed his mind. we argued for a while and then she left me alone. gotta love the nutcakes on the trains, until they start shooting you of course