Tree Fetish

I’ve always had a big fascination with trees. They are intricate beings which always have a way of perplexing and inspiring me. Often times they can be quite calming which brings a favorite quote of mine to mind.

“Paradise is when nothing comes between the eye and the tree.” – Elie Wiesel

I always think of this quote as I’m lying on a beach admiring a palm tree with nothing but blue in the distance. It’s the perfect Corona commercial.

Living in New York I’m obviously not surrounded by an excess of nature. I go to the park when I can and enjoy the extra oxygen. One of my favorite things about my neighborhood on the Upper West Side is the trees lining the streets. I was walking up Broadway on my way home from work yesterday and finally we had some sun shining through the buildings. With the filthy city rain finally cleared up I was able to look up and see the blooming trees just starting to feel the light hit them.

I’m a very busy girl so I only stopped to enjoy the beauty of the season long enough to snap a quick shot with my Droid. Then I pranced off to the bar where I belong. My breed isn’t allowed to stay in the light too long you know. We are night dwellers. Even at night those fresh blooms look amazing in the street lights. My spirits are lifted.

Hey There Crazy!

I’m sorry tall semi-attractive black man on the subway, are you talking to me? I can see that you are wildly gesturing at me and very heatedly speaking non-stop but I can’t hear you over the breaks screeching. It’s 9am on Monday and I’m on my way to work so usually I avoid making eye contact with people but you seem so excited to fill me in on some sort of news. What’s that? Oh, you are God? That is interesting! Are you sure you’re God or have you just used a little too much crack in your time? I’m sorry, did I just hear you call that kid a very derogatory term? Sure he is dressed a little flamboyantly but I don’t think God says things like that to innocent people on the subway. You are right; I don’t understand you and I never will because you have serious difficulties with sentence structure. Please don’t get closer to me. Oh, you are Native American? I killed you? The hand gesture gun at my head is a little amusing but mostly scary. You might have a real gun in those gigantic pants and I would rather not see it. Now you are just talking gibberish and I can’t tell if you are threatening me or trying to inform me of something you think is important. Oh no, I’m so SORRY God but this is my train stop. Let’s continue this conversation another time. Will you still be this crazy say tomorrow morning around 9am? Great, see you then.

Life as a crazy magnet in New York is so thrilling!

I've Got Your Answers - Part 1

First of all, thank you for your questions. I'm so happy I have amusing readers that can make my day and blog so much better. Now I have all kinds of shit to write about! I was going to go in order of comments received which would make Gary up first. Then I wrote the answer which (was more like a novel) during my lunch break and saved it to my work e-mail. Oops. Guess I will be posting that one on Monday. Alright, let's get started.

Furiousball asks:
what's the fastest land animal on earth?

Dear Furiousball,

That is one sexy animal. I love big cats. Rawr.


Micky-T asks:
If you lived in a house, would you own a pet?

Dear Micky-T,
How big is this house? Can I have a Cheetah? I don't think I would. I have a hard time taking care of my plant Al. It's a lot of responsibility and animals in general seem to hate me. They can sense my fear and they take advantage of it. Evil animals. When I was young we had a newt named Newt. I do like reptiles quite a bit. I just don't like feeding live animals to things. We also had a calico cat named C.C. and a cocker spaniel named Sweetness. I loved our animals but I don't think I am currently capable of taking care of one. For now I will just enjoy visiting Casey's cat Clementine. She hates me too.

Jay asks:
When did you decide that you wanted to move from the Midwest to New York? Did you always want to move there? And how did you move to NY? Just you just up and move? Or did you have a plan? And what's it like being so damn sexy? ;-)

Dear Jay,
I don't remember when it was that I decided I needed to be in New York. It always just seemed like the obvious thing to do but I don't remember why. I thought this at a fairly young age. When I was thinking about college I applied to an acting school in Manhattan and when I got my acceptance letter it was a done deal. I had never even been to the city until four months before I moved here. I was 18 when I moved into student housing on the Upper West Side. I didn't know a single person in this entire region. I didn't come out alone though. My mom flew out with me for the first couple days while I started school orientation and the whole thing was pretty easy to be honest. It felt natural. Like there was nowhere else I could possibly belong.

As for being so damn sexy, what are you asking me for? You have all the answers ;)

GMEyster asks:
What really terrifies you?

Dear GMEyster,
I could take the easy road and say rodents and birds. I have an irrational fear of both. It's embarrassing. Seriously though? I've been honest to Jeebus terrified of people lately. With the election, Prop 8, and everything else, I have heard so many hateful comments from all sides. It really scares me. If I lose all faith in people I won't have a lot left. That terrifies me too. Not having anyone. I spend a lot of time alone but I often wonder what would happen if I no longer had the people I care about to go to.

Oh geez... that is not a cheery note to end on. I meant babies. Babies scare me. They leak a lot and are too fragile. They have those scary glossy eyes all love filled and that horrid cooing sound. Eww! Yeah, babies are the most terrifying thing ever.

To be continued...

NYC

New York City is the greatest city in the world. It's a perfect mix of every type of person with contrasting opinions, religions, races, and dreams. You can find anything you want hidden somewhere in this tiny island no matter who you are or how crazy your ideas. There is beauty everywhere in every form and plenty of people to appreciate it. I love this place. When I feel the energy radiating from it I am filled with hope and I see infinite possibilities. This place is a part of me. An extension of myself in some form. I don't know how many people can understand that type of feeling but it is powerful. All I want to do on a day like today, a tragic anniversary, is express my love of this place. I will remember- and move on, because we have to.

Checking In - Update

I don't really have time to do this right now but I'm giving an update anyway.

1) I updated my blogroll. If you are not on it I either A) Deleted you because you never post anything or B) Never added you because I forgot you existed. If any of you are terribly offended I omitted you from my Brilliance list just let me know and I will assess the situation.

2) My cousin was in town for the weekend. The family thought sending her to me for proper corruption the weekend before she leaves for college was a good idea. It was great. She met my friend who has a brand new job as a porn reviewer. A little person performed to Billie Jean in the Subway. She was able to watch my ugly neighbor shower not once but twice. As a welcome to New York memento she was given a cigarette burn by a hobo. It was all very memorable I'm sure.

3) I have a show Wednesday. You should come see it. Until all that is over I probably won't be back. Later Suckers.

Transit Bugs

On my morning subway commute we were packed slightly more sardine style than usual. I take three trains on my hour journey to queens. The first two are full so I always stand. Always. Today I was standing uncomfortably close to an unusual man that didn't look particularly clean but he didn't look particularly dirty either. He was in front of me facing the door. I was behind him facing the back of his head. By facing the back of his head I mean my face was maybe a half a foot away from the reflection gleaming back at me from his sweaty noggin. I would have preferred at least a two foot buffer but sometimes you have to deal with it.

My eyes were glossed over and I was successfully ignoring everyone around me as I do every morning. Then something caught my eye. On the shoulder of the man just inches away was a very active bug. I'm not exactly sure what kind of bug. It was about the size of a lady bug but a tan color. I never see anything other than a cockroach around here so I was surprised. This little bug proceded to crawl along the shirt and up the man's collar. Then it brushed up on his gross neck and moved back on to the shirt. That damn thing ran all over the place. I could see it had wings so I was hoping it wouldn't decide to use them to visit me.

Here is an overview of some of the thoughts going through my head:

What in the hell is that? A pet?
How could that get on that guy's shirt?
Did he bring it on the subway with him?
Where did this guy come from?
What if it poops?
Should I kill it?
What would the guy do if I smacked him in the back of the neck and when he turned there was no bug to prove I was doing my civic duty?

I realize I could have just tapped the guy and let him know he was harvesting bugs in his shirt but I chose not to say a word and left it for the next passenger to deal with.

What would you have done?

Missed Connections

An odd thing happened on my way to work. I was running a little late, mostly because I dread coming here so much and I wanted to stay with Casey. But alas, I had to leave. As I sat on the train I noticed a guy that looked somewhat familiar so I scanned my brain trying to figure out how I would know him. School? No. Some show? No. Then it came to me.... I met him here. The guy I was trying not to stare at was someone I met on this very train and spoke to for all of one minute in 2004! You might be wondering how I could possibly remember that. Well, the story gets weirder. When we briefly met in 2004 we only spoke because we got in the same train car and he hit his head on the roof. I laughed at him openly because I am rude. Then he spoke to himself for a awhile. That was about it. Insanely tall and crazy is easy to remember and tends to catch ones attention. I found the event funny and kept it in mind for later.

Moving on to later. In 2004 I spent way too much time on Craigslist. Through that site I found two of my apartments and so many jobs I can't even count. I didn't have blogging and Myspace to eat up all my time. I used to make fake dating profiles to read the funny responses. I found endless amusement. At some point I wrote my first Missed Connection. I think I was trying to be amusing and used the situation on the train with the tall guy that hit his head. To my complete shock, he saw it! The guy is a comedian and he was going through Craigslist looking for material and found my post. I never, ever thought in a million that if I wrote something the person would find it.

So this guy responds with more details of the incident. We both had a laugh at finding each other. He gave me a link to his website and mentioned he was doing something on Comedy Central. I think I might have sent him a clip of it or something. I'm not sure. I don't remember. Anyway, I should mention that this was simply an amusing situation that happened. We never spoke of actually meeting. There was not any interest in knowing each other and I assumed I would never see or hear of this person again. He would forever remain the missed connection that caught me acting like an ass on Craigslist.

Then a year or two later I got a strange e-mail. Some girl was writing to ask what my relationship was with a name that I didn't recognize. She had found my e-mail address in her boyfriend's mail and wanted to know who I was. After doing a mail search I finally figured it out and assured her I didn't really know him. He wasn't trying to pick people up. Not to worry. She wrote back something very sad about being in some bad relationships and having trust issues. I felt bad for her because we have all known some jaded girl at some point in time who just can't trust in a good thing. Then after thinking about it I started feeling bad for the guy because his girlfriend is paranoid and going through his mail. For the record, that is never okay. Boundaries are a very important part of relationships. I digress.

That was my last run in with the missed connection guy. Until today. When it finally dawned on me who he was after several stops I thought, should I go up and ask him? That seemed very creepy and pointless. Plus, I don't want anybody to think I'm hitting on them. Instead I told the odd story to a co-worker and sang "It's a small world." in my head for an hour. Then unable to let it go I decided to blog. That means I have to research. So I looked the guy up on myspace and found that in his top friends he links another NY comedian that I watched perform in Damn Yankees last weekend and recently performed in a Parodivas show! The Parodivas are my real friends. Feel free to blog stalk Jason and Darla.

So the moral of the story is, don't post stupid shit on Craigslist because it will haunt you for life. Or maybe the moral is, don't cross me because I will find you! Most likely the moral is, this planet of ours is much smaller than we realize.

It's a Drug

Last night I went out to dinner with my good friend A. She was coming from her big screen premiere that she didn't invite anyone to but from the sound of it everything went beautifully. She was in good spirits as was I so after some humus and a drink or two we headed to Union Square where we sat on the steps smoking cigars. We talked about plenty of things but mostly about our mutual love for the city. Around twelve thirty I decided I better get home and wash the smoke off so I could get to work on time the next morning. She went downtown to sip juleps with her lover. We were on a seasonal city buzz. It's the energy. It takes over you like a drug. At one point in the evening A. introduced me to this song:



I was hooked immediately. First of all I have always been a fan of George Orwell's 1984. This was an interesting twist of what he was saying. I thought I should share it with you all in the off chance someone might find it as amusing as I did.

"Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle." -George Burns

Introducing Al

Today my blogging mentor (she hasn't exactly agreed to the mentoring) Tink of Pickled Beef awarded me with this:

Thanks Tink! It's an honor coming from you, the coolest chick in blogland.

Today I messed with my blog layout a tiny bit. I changed the top banner text and it almost looks the same but I almost made a huge jump to this:



Then I decided it looked a little too crime drama or night court. Very misleading. My co-worker suggested I include a hampster in a parachute falling in the skyline. I don't really understand that one yet but kudos to him for being creative. I also changed up my profile pic to what I call "escaping from the asylum". Casey says I look crazy in the photo so he always harasses me about it. The crazy is exactly why I like it! You all already know I'm crazy if you have read even one blog entry. I have nothing to hide here.

Speaking of crazy, I would like to introduce you to my roommate Al.

Al and I are good friends. I met him at Ikea and we hit it off. I agreed to look out for him as long as he didn't mind me singing and talking at him quite a bit. So far he has proved to be an excellent apartment mate. By that I mean, he has not died on me. I am very proud it's working out.

Today at work I took a few photos of the view from our office.

It's a nice view but it's sad to sit in Queens all day and stare at the place you want to be. The place where all the action is. *Sigh* I'm in love with this city.

The Bad Director

Some rainy day a few years back I was approached by a director while shopping around Virgin Records. He approached with a classic line asking me if I'm an actress. I said I was currently attending school at a musical theater academy uptown. He informed me that he was working on a new film that I looked the part for and would like to meet me at a later time to discuss the details if I was interested. At the time I wasn't familiar with his work so he gave me his card and told me to look at some of his films and give him a call if I would be interested. Honestly, at this point I was a little flattered but more or less just assuming it was all bull. Then he left because his wife and child were downstairs waiting for him.

So I figure, what is the harm in googling the guy and checking out some of his films? I was out with some of my friends at the time and they were nice enough to humor me in all of this. We found out that he had done a lot of films so I rented a few. They were good. A little twisted maybe but so am I so I figure, I'm giving the guy a call. He wanted to meet that night a a bistro I was very familiar with. I informed my friends of this and they offered to be my backup just in case he drugged me or something.

I met him at the 24 hour bistro. My friends came in after me and sat another table. We talked for a bit about his career, what he was currently working on. He asked me about what acting I had done. He showed me papers for a film festival he needed to attend the next week because they were honoring him. He came prepared with all sorts of proof of what he was working on and what an impressive man he was. I was still hesitant but interested.

It was requested that we go for a walk and continue talking. As we walked he started talking about the people he knew like Robert Downey Jr. and Heather Graham. He talked about how shy Robert was when they met and he taught him how to approach women. He was Robert's mentor. He talked about sexual stuff. I'm thinking, this guy is a little off but, nothing shocks me much anymore. He was a really nice guy. He let me joke with him without getting pretentious and offended. This man was almost sixty and very overweight. He had to walk with his head tilted up because his asthma was so bad. He taught me some karate moves so that I could defend myself by knocking someone in the windpipe. He was just showing off. I went home.

He proceeded to call me a couple days later. We talked about what he was working on. He would tell me random stories that progressively got more disturbing. He said to let him know when I was available for coffee again so I could look at the script he was working on. Then he started calling every day. He said if I ever ran into him on the street and he was with someone that he had a very jealous wife and another girlfriend that he keeps an apartment for so he might not acknowledge me. Another story was the time he met Heather Graham. She came into the hotel room they were holding an audition at. She asked to use the bathroom and he walked in on her and proceeded to ...well... it was a shocking story. Finally he told me about the time he killed a guy that tried to mug him in central park.

Alright, this guy is nuts. He is out of his mind but for some reason he is so amusing and honestly, he never made a pass at me. He wasn't even trying to meet me anymore. It was like he was calling just to tell me stories. Then he wanted to know if I would go to that film festival he had told me about. We would only be gone for the weekend. Uh.... no.... I don't want to do that.

Eventually I did something that pissed him off. He was trying to convince me to come to the festival and my phone died. When I was able to plug it in again I had this very angry message saying I was an immature little bitch and if I didn't want to speak to him I need not rudely hang up. Whoa, he had never flared up in anger like that before. I responded directly to his voice mail and explained that I had not intended to hang up. I did NOT want to be on this persons bad side. Then I never answered his calls again.

Fast forward a few years. My friend and roommate of four years that had been with me at the Virgin Store and at the bistro that night was working at her fancy restaurant serving job when in walks the director with a young hopeful girl. I'm sure she just shook her head and thought poor thing. He then began coming in all the time. Always with a different woman. Frequently taking them up to his hotel room next door. Everyone working at that restaurant knew him and knew what he was doing. Sadly I was the one on the other side of the table once. I've been aware for years of what a scary man he is but today I found this article detailing a lot of the things he had told me. He is an old perverted womanizer and yet I really enjoy that I have this story to share. So thanks James. (I did not write his full name in this story for obvious reasons.)

Commuting

Last night after work I started my journey home via subway per usual. Lucky for me the subway platform by work is above ground so you get to stand in the freezing wind praying for the lights of a train to appear in the distance. Actually, I chose to stand in the wind last night. I only did this because the wind was blowing so hard against the siding of the platform the siding was lifting up into the air. My choices were, stand in freezing wind or risk the siding breaking off and knocking me onto the subway tracks. So I only risked it for part of my wait. When the train finally came I instinctively went to the car with less people. I should have known of course that nobody was in that car because a homeless man had sprawled out across an entire row of seats. He didn't reek so I sat down across from him. I couldn't help but notice he didn't have socks and his ankles were swollen and dry. He had to be freezing because he kept twitching around. I contemplated how I could get this person some socks. I couldn't give him mine because I don't think he would be all that impressed with knee high stockings for a girl. Maybe they would make a nifty glove or headband but that didn't solve anything. Anyway, I'm thinking this over as the man lies with his back to me twitching around more and more. He has a huge coat on and he is shaking so much I'm wondering if he is okay. That is when I realize... I'm watching a homeless man masturbate. I can't actually see anything thank Jebus but as soon as the thought entered my mind I was positive that was what was happening. I was so uncomfortable but in my shock I couldn't help laughing out loud. That is when he suddenly stopped, did some "adjusting" and turned to peer out from under his coat at me. Socks were no longer on my mind. I had to get off the f'ing train. This is a disturbing story, right? So why do I think it is so funny? This city has messed me up.

Neglect and continued Manic speak

I love this city to an extent that is unnatural and I know many people feel the same way. We came here because we knew we had to. It's a beautiful siren calling to us from wherever we were and we knew we had no choice. Not everyone can understand that but I know some of you do. odle. NYC is a place where anything you are looking for is available to you. Set your mind to a new idea and it's all right there waiting for you to find it. The thought of how expansive this is I can not put into words because I would ramble for hours and that is cruel. Anyway, the point I'm trying to get to is that I've been neglecting my city. I don't take advantage of the opportunities anymore. I have not been introducing myself to new places, scenes, and people like I used to. I'm getting lazy. I'm too young to be lazy and wasting my time. So, that is going to change starting tonight. If anybody else want to come along for the ride you just let me know. We have to do it now before the famed city burnout happens and we no longer find it exciting. Then we will all move to different parts of the nation where we never see each other. It's inevitable because none of us are actually crazy. We just like being exposed to it. Unless, of course, I get rich and have two homes. Then one will be in New York. Don't laugh. It could happen in New York!