Thursday, November 18, 2010

Covered in Welts

It has been an entertaining week thus far. I don’t remember Monday at all so I assume I had an amazing time. Tuesday night my office held a seminar for wealthy weird old people so that they might save money on taxes. A lot of these wealthy people are a huge pain in my freakin’ ass. Over privileged asshats. It’s a wonder I don’t slap them. I made it through okay only because we had a ridiculous amount of wine and cheese. I slept like a drunken baby that night. We all know drunken babies are adorable.

Last night I shot a bunch of people. I went paintballing with a large group of friends at an indoor field. I was a virgin. This was all the more entertaining because the creamy reddish white paintballs made you look like you just stepped out of a horrifying orgy when the game was done. We were in a small space and there were a lot of us so you got hit A LOT. 150 mph paintballs would hit you in the face (covered by a mask) chest, arms, and legs. My friend had one ricochet up into her mask and break in her mouth. I shot her boyfriend in the neck and it bled. I have welts on my inner thigh and ass. It was AWESOME! Three hours of this passed like fifteen minutes. If my daily workout could be shooting people I would be a pro.

Now I guess I have to start thinking about Thanksgiving. I usually make sangria for everyone. Here is my recipe for extremely intoxicating wine juice.
One Bottle or Jug of a Rich Red Wine (Cheap)
3 cups or One Bottle of White Rum (Add the amount that best suits you and your hangover needs.)
½ Cup of Sugar (Powdered or Regular It Doesn’t Matter)
1 Orange – 1 Lemon – 1 Lime – Other Fruit You Like to add like Apples or Whatever Crazy stuff you are into.
Directions: Add the rum to a bowl or container or whatever the hell it fits in. Mix in the sugar. Slice up all your fruit and toss it in with the sugar rum. Leave it in the fridge overnight. That last step might be hard for some of you because who can leave a large amount of fruity sugar rum in the fridge all night without drinking it? I have found that drinking other things while you prepare helps you pass out and not touch the rum until morning. Good luck. The very last step is for when you are ready to serve. Just mix your rum fantasy with your bottle/ jug of wine and stir well. I promise you will have a happy holiday and a lovely nap.


Mike said...

"Over privileged asshats"

I was just talking to a guy last night that is a private pilot and has to deal with these people on a daily basis. Consider yourself lucky it's only as often as you do.

Gary's third pottery blog said...

holy CATS are you smart, adding rum into the sangria!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reb said...

Over privileged asshats tend to be anoying at the best of times, in a group... I applaud you for not slapping one of them.

Your Sangria sounds like a hangover in the making ;)

Anonymous said...

I'm thinking I should make that sangria the next time my side of the family gets together. Over-privileged and under-privileged have something in common at times, and when you mix that with different parenting styles and a dysfunctional situation... well, let's just say that alcohol does help. Of course, too much of it might bring an end to some of us ever speaking to one another ever again.
(Obviously I should go back and read my own post about gratefulness and seeing the positive in the negative!)

Thanksgiving will be just the 5 of us here at home. MusicMan is in college 3,000 miles away and won't be coming home to spend Thanksgiving with us. (He's got a better offer that doesn't cost us round-trip airfare.)

Micky-T said...

Over privileged asshats

I love it when people call me that!

Real Live Lesbian said...

So....Sangria for breakfast? Sounds like a great recipe!

Jay said...

I promise when I become rich I won't also become an asshat. ;-)

"Extremely intoxicating juice?" Sounds like something I would enjoy.

LL said...

Hmmmm... Sounds like it would be really fun to get invited over to the Knight residence for the night before as well as the day of Thanksgiving. Hell... if you played your cards right, we might even let both blend together. ;)

Doc said...

HAHA, yep drunken babies are adorable!

Mike said...

When we were kids we used to do paintball but using BB guns. 2 pumps only. that meant 3. No safety gear.

Poor Billy. We will always miss him.

Both Sides of Ben said...

like the middle paragraph Knight..

Knight said...

Mike – I do consider myself lucky. That is one of the reasons I know I could never be a server. Rich Bitches would find glass in their salad and next thing you know I’m in prison.

Gary – I don’t know how to do it without rum!

Reb- It is a hangover in the making. One Thanksgiving I finished dinner at 3pm (which was a pitcher of sangria and some mashed potatoes) and then fell asleep for 4 hours. Oops.

Kcinnova- I think sangria helps bring the family together but too many beers or glasses of whisky will tear you apart. That first time you spend a big holiday away from the family is so much harder on the mom. I’ve been gone for ten years and my mom still can’t handle me missing a Thanksgiving but it costs so much money to fly there and I wouldn’t be alone here. It seems silly.

Micky T- No way would anybody call you that. Unless you were over those privileged asshats. Which I am. So I guess that makes me over privileged asshats too!

RLL- It is. I think you especially would love it. For breakfast.

Jay- When you become rich will you move here and marry me? I can keep you in check or we could just become over privileged asshats together.

LL- What an offer! Can I e-mail you my address?

Doc- I knew you would know. That son of yours has always looked suspiciously happy.

Mike- He died? Where were you aiming those BBs?

Ben- Really? What part? Was it the horrible orgy?

GMEyster said...

LOVE it, Knight. Hope you had a great Thanksgiving!