Friday, June 10, 2011

Last Night

After work I walked into the bar that I consider my own personal Cheers. I know when I go I’ll always have a friend there. I walked in the front door and did my once over to see who was in the place. Bartender that I’m kinda dating, check. Friend that I do gigs with, check. Semi-friend that looks like Santa and drinks too much whiskey, check. So I head to our table.

I’m not even two steps into the bar when some drunken bag of douche turns in his bar stool, glances at the book in my hand, and says “You read?”. Instantly hating this person I very sarcastically say, “Why, yes. I can read. Can you?” which was a mistake because it invited a response. I don’t remember what other snarky drunken shit he said because I ignored it and sat down. Unfortunately, I had to go near him again to get my beer. He asked if I was married as he was looking at my snake ring. I sigh. Somehow this was met with, “What are you, forty?” I went back to my seat with my drink but he was close enough to keep talking. I advised that he should stop drinking. He was obviously way beyond his limit. I was able to avoid the douche for awhile until my friends went out to smoke. “You are really a bitch. Why won’t you be my Facebook friend?” He took out a dirty “business” card and kept trying to hand it to me. I finally took it so he would quit trying to touch me. The douche’s name is Brailey (of course) and he is a tennis instructor.

A girl showed up and hugged Brailey from behind. I think it was his prospective girlfriend. Earlier Brailey was on the phone with her claiming he was hanging out with a bunch of friends and she should come by. Mind you this guy had been drinking alone for several hours. He was drinking so heavily that he would continually forget he still had a full drink in front of him and demanded another. With the girl there he was finally off my case but I still got the occasional unprovoked nasty comment thrown my way.

Suddenly the bar gets slammed with people like I’ve never seen at that time of day. It’s just Mike working behind the bar and obviously stress level is going up. The last thing you would want to deal with is the belligerent drunk who is now screaming at you. Mike hit his limit and cut Brailey off. Brailey says “Why, cause you’re bald?” So Mike told him to leave the bar. It escalated. Mike (who only weighs 7 pounds more than me) comes out from behind the bar through the crowd of people, physically grabs the douche from behind and throws him out the door. Brailey threw a punch and missed. Mike didn’t miss. The douche is laid out on his ass. The whole bar is watching. The barback comes running up and holds the door closed while Mike went back to work. Brailey is trying his best to pull the door open and get back in while his humiliated friend collecting their shit to leave.

When I see guys fighting I usually think they look like assholes but I’ve gotta tell ya, watching Mike take care of this guy was surprisingly hot.

After Mike’s shift he was telling me all the asshole things that I didn’t even hear. It made me wish I had hit the guy right when I walked in. Mike said one of the things that sucks about having to get physical like that as a bartender is that you know nothing about that person but they know where to find you. You never know if they will come back. Then it dawns on me, I have Brailey’s card.

For defending my honor and your own hairline I gift this card to you. Do with it as you please.


Anonymous said...


Mike said...

I'd never heard the term 'barback' before. And I'm older than Brailey.

Knight said...

The barback is a fairly well known position in busy bars. He clears and cleans glasses, keeps the liquor stocked, all the important shit.
How do you know you were older?

Charlene said...

Another reason I don't go to bars. I am a square chick. SMILE

Reverend Awesome said...

Way to go, Mike! And you! Gosh, some men just think they have earned the right to creep on people, act like a-holes and expect cordial responses in return. As if the world should be flattered they are giving them the time of day. Sorry, drunk slobs of the world!

I feel so sad for that girl. Her self esteem must be total crap to be with a guy like that. Learn to love yourself and steer clear, stranger lady!

Reb said...

Wow. I remember dealing with asshats like that. I sorta feel sorry for his friend, but, she could be just like him, just hadn't had time to catch up yet.

Jay said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jay said...

To bad you didn't get a chance to kick him in the nuts. But, still pretty cool.

LL said...

Holy shit! You can read? And here I thought all this time you had to rely on one of those text to speak programs... :P

Micky-T said...

One responce and look what you started. Good story though!

jack mehoff said...

drunken bag o douche - nice take on an old fav

props to mike the tender for handling the assclown

Farmer*swife a/k/a Glass_Half_Full said...

Holey CR@P! What fun! I would have enjoyed watching him make a PIEhole out of himself.

Are you 40, he WAS out of it. Because you are freakin' gorgeous and very far from 40 looking (though, I turn 40 in 13 months).

Why can't you live closer so a FW can go out with a cool chick once in awhile. Guess, I'll continue to live vicariously. :-D

Oh, and what book are you currently reading??

Knight said...

Knot- I don't know about it being "cool" but it was entertaining.

Charlene- I know bars for squares!

Rev Awesome- You are so right about every statement. It's like you were there.

Reb- I don't think the friend knew. I felt bad for her.

Jay- HA! If only.

LL- Oh I usually do rely on that or books on tape. Who has time for learning these days?

Mickey T- RIGHT? It's all my fault.

Jack- Yeah I should give him more props. He doesn't like me talking about it though. I think he is embarassed.

Farmer's Wife- Oh you and I would have so much fun. So much. I was carrying a copy of The History of Jazz. I'm also reading Skinny Legs and All.