Last Night

After work I walked into the bar that I consider my own personal Cheers. I know when I go I’ll always have a friend there. I walked in the front door and did my once over to see who was in the place. Bartender that I’m kinda dating, check. Friend that I do gigs with, check. Semi-friend that looks like Santa and drinks too much whiskey, check. So I head to our table.

I’m not even two steps into the bar when some drunken bag of douche turns in his bar stool, glances at the book in my hand, and says “You read?”. Instantly hating this person I very sarcastically say, “Why, yes. I can read. Can you?” which was a mistake because it invited a response. I don’t remember what other snarky drunken shit he said because I ignored it and sat down. Unfortunately, I had to go near him again to get my beer. He asked if I was married as he was looking at my snake ring. I sigh. Somehow this was met with, “What are you, forty?” I went back to my seat with my drink but he was close enough to keep talking. I advised that he should stop drinking. He was obviously way beyond his limit. I was able to avoid the douche for awhile until my friends went out to smoke. “You are really a bitch. Why won’t you be my Facebook friend?” He took out a dirty “business” card and kept trying to hand it to me. I finally took it so he would quit trying to touch me. The douche’s name is Brailey (of course) and he is a tennis instructor.

A girl showed up and hugged Brailey from behind. I think it was his prospective girlfriend. Earlier Brailey was on the phone with her claiming he was hanging out with a bunch of friends and she should come by. Mind you this guy had been drinking alone for several hours. He was drinking so heavily that he would continually forget he still had a full drink in front of him and demanded another. With the girl there he was finally off my case but I still got the occasional unprovoked nasty comment thrown my way.

Suddenly the bar gets slammed with people like I’ve never seen at that time of day. It’s just Mike working behind the bar and obviously stress level is going up. The last thing you would want to deal with is the belligerent drunk who is now screaming at you. Mike hit his limit and cut Brailey off. Brailey says “Why, cause you’re bald?” So Mike told him to leave the bar. It escalated. Mike (who only weighs 7 pounds more than me) comes out from behind the bar through the crowd of people, physically grabs the douche from behind and throws him out the door. Brailey threw a punch and missed. Mike didn’t miss. The douche is laid out on his ass. The whole bar is watching. The barback comes running up and holds the door closed while Mike went back to work. Brailey is trying his best to pull the door open and get back in while his humiliated friend collecting their shit to leave.

When I see guys fighting I usually think they look like assholes but I’ve gotta tell ya, watching Mike take care of this guy was surprisingly hot.

After Mike’s shift he was telling me all the asshole things that I didn’t even hear. It made me wish I had hit the guy right when I walked in. Mike said one of the things that sucks about having to get physical like that as a bartender is that you know nothing about that person but they know where to find you. You never know if they will come back. Then it dawns on me, I have Brailey’s card.

For defending my honor and your own hairline I gift this card to you. Do with it as you please.

It’s 2011 Bitches!

I’m supposed to make some sort of list of ways to better my life or something, right? Why don’t I just compare it to prior years and see if I’m doing better or worse.

I thought I would look back through my little ol’ blog here and see if I made resolutions in the past. It seems I was too depressed to blog around this time last year but I did have a little something for 2009. Let’s take a gander.

My resolutions for 2009 (to be promptly forgotten by 1:05 am) are the following:
1) Find work in life that makes me happy.

2) Stop having seizures...somehow.

3) Replace the lack of drinking with even more sex. (Casey, this is your job. Oh, and apologies to any of Casey's family members that read this and may be traumatized.)

4) Meet a blogger. Anyone want to help me out with this one?

5) Continue having a wonderful life full of great family, friends, and bloggers that brighten it up.


Where the 2009 resolutions stand in 2011:
1) I have a temp job that I kind of like. I don’t fantasize about stabbing people nearly as much as I used to.

2) This seizure thing is not getting better. I just had one the morning of Dec 31st and I had to get on a plane back to New York that afternoon. I certainly didn’t party hard bringing in 2011 that night. I felt bad for my father who had never been around for one before. I know I don’t look or act like myself afterwards and I think I scared him when I wandered into his room and asked for help.

3) Why was there a lack of drinking in 09? What was I thinking? I’m indulging in both acts now although Casey isn’t involved. It seems sleeping with your ex when you are both dating new people would be frowned upon. I looked it up.

4) I met a blogger! It was only about a month ago that I met my first blog friend. Ben is an awesome (and hot) guy. He just moved to the area so hopefully I will be seeing more of him.

5) I failed at the blogger part last year but I’m back on track this year. CHECK.

Should I add some?

1) Continue working on my overall health. That seems like a good, vague choice. That can mean working out while eating sensible food and not doing massive amounts of drugs that will give me diseases and kill me. I’ll try that.
Eh, one is good enough.

Oh, take more nude photos. That will go on the list just as soon as I start taking better care of myself.

Happy New Year Skanks!

A Bottle of Wine and Biding My Time

I've got nothing going on. I'm sitting here in my apartment after spending the day cleaning and doing laundry. I'm applying for jobs but have not really seen anything that seemed fitting or appropriate for my skill set. It worries me.

I opened a bottle of wine that my mother sent me. It's Educated Guess which is a Cabernet Sauvignon from Napa Valley. It's delicious (Thanks Mom!). I should really walk over to the cubbord and get a wine glass. I have some gorgeous red wine glasses that I adore (Thanks Case) and an AMAZING wine opener that makes uncorking a bottle as easy as removing a beer cap. (Thanks BabaHot).

I've been spending the last week reconnecting with friends that I haven't had the time to see as much over the last six months or so. I think seeing them is the only thing keeping me sane. I spent last night singing in a private karaoke room with two friends (Thanks Ava and Dana.) It's my friend Chad's birthday today and somehow I got him to share his homemade dinner with me the other day (Thanks Chad and Jess!)

Today I signed up for Skype. Want to friend me? I'm not giving out my name to just anybody but I dig this thing. It's a cool little invention. I especially like that you can do a free group chat. I think it helps build friendships. I'm not the best at keeping in communication with people so hopefully this will be another way to keep me at it.

I'm so sorry to post such a pathetic, mindless, .... whatever the f*** this is. In all honesty I've been an emotional whack job the last couple days. No idea why. I keep saying it out loud so I won't get too caught up in it and don't take anything too seriously. Honestly the one thing that really seemed to help and lift spirits was taking a Bikram class. I'm going to try and keep at that for awhile and see if it continues to help. Hell, it's a lot cheaper than therapy!

Scary Dreams

Do you ever have dreams that are so vivid you actually have to go back over what you did the day before just to make sure they didn't happen? I do. I had a dream like that last night and for a good minute I was really scared today until I remembered I didn't leave my home at all last night. The scariest part is that what happened in my dream could easily happen any time if I let my guard down.

In dream land I was at a bar I frequent where I know the bartender. I was with some old friends and some new friends that I don't know as well. I was towards the end of my first beer when I noticed I was feeling funny. Infact I was feeling intoxicated. It hit me all at once. I remember saying to the bartender that something was wrong and I think I had been drugged. I wanted him to please make sure I didn't leave with anyone and help me get a cab. Then everyone there was trying to escort me back to my apartment to make sure I was safe but I had to do it alone because I still had no idea who drugged me in the first place. Who was I supposed to be afraid of? Everyone? I don't even remember if I made it home in my dream. It just sort of fades out and I assume I must have had to wake up at this point.

I guess I probably had this dream because it is something I am constantly aware of. I feel like it's something I'm supposed to be prepared for just incase. My best friend was drugged once when she was alone at a bar with a bartender she knew. She had to keep a stranger from following her home and spent the night lying on the floor of her hallway in her own vomit. I've known several women who have had things like this happen to them. It really is a nightmare.

As for all of you I wish you only sweet dreams.

The Lodge

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood.
A beautiful day for a neighbor.
But I don't know mine.

Do you know your neighbors? I live in a 15 story apartment building so you would think I would know at least one person living in the building. You would think. Unfortunately I only know the door men. Sure there are people I have spoken to and wave at but I don't know their names. I would never borrow a cup of sugar if I ever decided to bake something. The closest neighbors I know live ten blocks south. Which is probably about sixty thousand people away. The two of them happen to live in the same building so I am obligated to travel south where I meet them for after work beverages a couple days a week. Drinks are more fun than baking anyway.

We call ourselves "The Lodge". Every now and then someone will send me a text that says "Lodge meeting tonight." So I know that happy hour is on and no less then three of us will be imbibing 2 for 1 drinks at our favorite local spot. It's a shitty bar with dirty bathrooms, a hundred dirty bras hanging from the ceiling, and the awesome bartender Mike. I have a pretend crush on Mike because he plays Rat Pack music every time I'm there even though it probably pisses off the other clientele. That's all it takes to win me over.

My official Lodge title is Vice President of Marketing and Customer Relations. Which means nothing. Our president is The Vin Man who looks like he is in his early thirties but is actually forty five. He has played guitar and written music for some major stars as well as touring each year on one of those majorly popular after the reality TV show is over tours of the country. But it would be rude for me to share details. He has unusual taste in women and usually cat calls the ladies that walk by while standing out front smoking. He has lived in this neighborhood for years and knows all that weirdos that drop in like the guy in the suite with the pompadour hair who is always looking for weed and the little old mousy woman under five feet tall who only drinks white wine and coughs a lot.

Our VP is Frederick the funny man. He is in his thirties and assistant manages a huge building somewhere downtown where people with Nobel Prizes and such keep their offices. That is just his day job. He is an actor that has been in many national musical tours like Singing In The Rain. Frederick has been a friend of mine for years but for the first couple we were always so drunk when we got together we kept forgetting each other. That was back when brunching was an all day booze fest.

These are my neighbors and my friends. They are far stranger then I have mentioned here because nobody has that kind of time to write this stuff out. Then again, of course they are strange if they hang out with me! So do you know your neighbors? Why? How? Should I bother to meet someone in my building? It just seems so sad that if all my bottle openers broke I would have to take the elevator all the way downstairs and walk the ten feet to the deli to buy a new one. Or I could ask the doorman.

If I make the promise I have to do it, right?

I've been intending to do my first Vlog for awhile now and I keep putting it off because I don't exactly know how to upload the video and get it on my blog. I'm sure it will end up taking me all of ten minutes to figure it out but I'm pretty damn lazy. One of the main problems is that I have not decided what to Vlog about. So, this is the promise; When I get home tonight I'll put something together and post my first Vlog tomorrow morning. It would really help if you gave me some suggestions. Before you all start getting pervy on me, I'm not doing any nudity. You will have to visit my Naked Knight Blog for that.

You didn't really fall for that did you?

Did I use that semicolon correctly? I don't claim to know how to write but it's good to try branching out and waiting for the grammar fairies/moths to find you. The semicolon is the least of my problems.

My neurologist told me he would prefer if I didn't drink. Ever. WHAT? Okay, I already knew he recommended I drink very, very little but I didn't completely listen to that and now I have to take it seriously that alcohol might be bringing on the seizures. I don't consider myself a heavy drinker by any means. I don't think anyone would... in the last couple years anyway. The problem is, I really enjoy wine and beer. Not in the drinking massive amounts of cheap crap way. I like trying new things and exploring the details of the flavors. I like learning about how it was made. I enjoy the work put into it. Do I need to go to AA? I'm mad. I'm mad at my body for not allowing me to enjoy something that I don't think I abuse. I'm mad that this is happening at 25. I'm mad that I keep bitching about it when so many other people have it far worse than me. Dear Brain, you suck! Love, Me. End Rant.

Eh! My coffee tastes like cilantro! That statement seems oddly familiar. Hmmmm....

I gave you plenty of time. Did you come up with a Vlog suggestion? Feel free to chime in Lurkers. I know you're in here.

I'm Baaaaa aaaaack!

It was glorious! I have not been this tan in so long. I can't even tell you how odd I feel every time I look at my own arms. The Bahamas were beautiful. We stayed on Paradise Island at a club and marina. Here is the view from our room deck.

Next to the boat you see in the picture was the yacht Kate Hudson was staying on. The crew was kind enough to open our fancy $8 bottle of wine for me and Case to enjoy while we hung out in a hammock by the pool.

We spent a lot of time at the beach Parasailing, Jet Skiing, and drinking rum drinks. The parasailing was beautiful but not exactly thrilling. The Jet Skiing was thrilling. You ride over crystal clear water at high speeds and catch a few waves to get in the air. Check out this beautiful water.

We found a stand that was serving drinks in a coconut and for $15 you get free refills all day. Mmmmmm.... Bahama Mama!


We also went snorkeling which was an incredible experience. They took us eight miles out to a coral reef. I saw a giant sting ray that scared the crap out of me. The cool bartender on the boat threw some chips in at me and Casey so all these little bright colored tropical fish came swarming around us in circles. It was beautiful. I have never experienced anything like that before. I wish I had pictures. Instead, here is a pic of me swimming.

Here is a sad little shot of the island as we flew away.

I'm sure I will have more later. Possibly even my first vlog at the aquarium.

Damn I'm tired.

It's been really busy recently. My most recent post was last Friday. How did a week pass so fast? My life:

Friday- After Work, Bohemian Beer Garden for burgers and pitchers. After that, gay bar in Hell's Kitchen for drinking and dancing. Don't know when I got home.

Saturday- Shopping in Harlem. Offered Braids, Perfume and Cigarettes a few hundred times. Pedicure. Worst manicure of all time. Dinner at Mama Mexico. They accidentally gave me chicken. EWWW. Kiwi Margaritas Mmmm. Back to my place for screw drivers.

Sunday- Drank too much Saturday. Skip brunch. Make Sangria for party in the magical land of Bay Ridge Brooklyn. Spend half of life getting there. Totally worth it.

Monday- Meet lover boy's Mom, Step Dad, Sister, and Nephew for first time. Find out they are AWESOME. Have a great brunch with them. Walk twenty blocks in four inch heels to get a cake. Ruin feet forever. Go to lover boy's graduation party with previously mentioned cake. Have wonderful night with wonderful friends at previously mentioned party.

Tuesday- Work :( Then off to see Wicked the musical with lover boy's family. Meet Uncle, Aunt, and Cousin for first time. Uncle is seriously cool. Some David kid that just lost American Idol was in the audience. Boooo. Evil monkey's flew over my head and didn't throw feces, yay!

Wednesday- Work :( Watch the clock until the minute I can leave. Throw on cute dress and run to Lover Boy's graduation. Meet brother and Sister in Law for first time. Realllly nice people. Watch hot boyfriend get pinned and give shockingly good speech. He thanked Barry Manilow. *Shakes head*.

Thursday- Work :( I got here early today so I can leave early and still be late to fancy dinner. *Single tear*. Tonight I meet Lover Boy's Dad, Step Mom, and Little Brother. We are eating at 5:30 so I have not had anything but coffee today. 5:30 is usually when I stop eating brunch. Can you tell I'm going mad? Still one more day of work. NOOOOOOO. Supposed to see Duran Duran this weekend but Casey might have to bail. That blows. My birthday party is this Sunday. Is this whirlwind spiraling into my birthday an omen of what the year to come will be? Ah!

Welcome Spring (You flighty bastard.)

Friday night was a nice night in the city. Conveniently placed about fifteen seconds from my building entrance is a Mexican restaurant with margaritas by the pitcher. Everyone knows that on the first nice night of spring one must enjoy mass quantities of some sort of Mexican drink. I would never dream of breaking this rule so Casey was kind enough to meet me and appease the lords of liquor. Since it wasn't quite warm enough to spend the remainder of the evening streaking down Broadway we decided to attempt watching a movie and failed.

Saturday was even better than Friday weather wise. I thought I better get my pasty limbs to the park and start sunning. It's already difficult to sleep since I have become glow in the dark so I strapped on my roller skates and made my way to a grassy spot in the sun. To absolutely nobodies surprise, every other New Yorker was also in central park trying to get sun. As we all brawled for a patch of grass we left our apartments unattended so the robbers had plenty to do. I own nothing of worth so I don't worry about these things. Take my TV from the 90's ... I dare you!

So I sat in the sun for a few hours thinking I was probably getting a nice burn. Nope. Nothing. The slightest hint of a line on my stomach maybe. What the hell? I'm translucent and I can't even get a burn after hours of sun exposure. So I skated to the salon and got my hair highlighted instead. Getting your hair highlighted takes a freakishly long time so at six o'clock I go running home (skates in hand) to get showered and dolled up in my hot black dress. Then I have to be downtown by 6:45. Someone please give me credit for getting ready in only twenty minutes! Single, you know what I mean, right?

Anyway, I head off to dinner and then a comedy show benefit for AIDS Walk. It was fun. Sort of odd. Some white chick dressed in tight overalls sang a song about stealing my purse. I helped my friend JBS pick up a really hot crippled comedian with nice teeth. He fell asleep during a particularly bad comedy show later that eve so the pick up wasn't looking good but apparently it was just a power nap and everything worked out just fine. So I left the two of them in a cab and headed to a birthday party in Hell's Kitchen around midnight. I walked up to the bar just in time to help smuggle in slightly under age college kids. I had not been to this place before (I guess I'm out of the loop now.) so I wasn't prepared to have gyrating men in briefs sweat on me as I tried to order a drink. Oh yeah, this was a gay bar so for most of the night Go-go dancers are on the bar. Then Peppermint showed up and did a couple numbers. Peppermint is pretty much the most popular drag queen in New York these days. I remember several years ago when she first started hosting cattle call at Therapy. Oh, Therapy is a bar and cattle call is a talent show of sorts. Anyway, she had us all sing happy birthday to my friend and then I headed home because apparently I'm getting too old for this shit.

Around three am I decided to check my messages and discovered I won a LION KISS from The Mountain Cat over at You Just Keep On Believing That!


Sadly, this award was bestowed upon me because I suggested the Pope might have plans to bless NYC vendor's hot dog water thus making delicious Holy Hot Dogs. Wait, did I say sadly? I am very proud and thankful to the Mountain Cat for this honor. I just wish I hadn't decided to write a comment at three am about getting tongued by a mountain lion. Sorry about that.

Then Sunday happened but nothing could top this award so I'll bring this post to a close. Hasta la vista.

A Year Ago

Today I was thinking about delicious malt drinks and I suddenly remembered my post mentioning Ovaltine. So I started looking for that old post and to my great shock found that it was a year ago tomorrow! How is that for timing? Then as I read over the post I realized how much has changed.

I am no longer addicted to Ovaltine. I just like it.

I actually was diagnosed with GAD after announcing I assumed I had it. I don't want the meds though.

I've recently realized my close friends are very different from the people they were a year ago. As am I. That is good.

I still ramble. A lot. What do you do about that sort of thing? You would think blogging would help but no... now I just ramble about my blog. That has to be annoying.

I did start seeing a voice teacher. I started out going once a week and now I've trickled down to when I feel like it. Singing is my therapy. It's just so damn expensive to get help. I mean, I was paying $320 a month to sing in some guys apartment. Then I saw a psychiatrist for a bit when I couldn't seem to get over the trauma of having seizures. Talking about it made me feel worse. Turns out that was a bad idea. Stick to voice lessons.
It's been a year since my last tattoo. Time for a new one I think. In June it will be a year since my last piercing. Maybe I should wait a month and combine the two. I don't want to get out of hand.

Last night I was looking for any photos I might have from the stupid pageant I was in (Beauty Queen Post) but no luck. Remember when we used to develop pictures? The last picture I had developed was my headshot a few years ago. I think.

Anyway, last year at this time I was blogging about my love of Ovaltine. This time I am going to blog about my new found love of Absinthe. Have you had it? Oh, it's glorious! It's like drinking black jelly beans. Tuesday night was a poker night and it got down to the last two players. Just me and Billy fighting for the cash at 2am. He decided it was time for some Absinthe. I've only had it a few times and every time was with Billy. He seems to be a pro at the whole amazing process. The preparation is just an amusing build up to the surprising taste and delightful high. Yes it's a spirit that doesn't get you down. I didn't see any green fairies yet but when I do I'll let you know. If I could find anyone else that really enjoys that taste I would consider throwing an Absinthe tasting party. Anyone? Anyone?

In Moderation

Heyo.

The ever so adorable Single of Single in the City was kind enough to give me an award yesterday. So I want to thank her for being awesome.



I'm not really sure what that is a picture of but I choose to believe it is a bar at the beach. That is what it looks like anyway and can you imagine anything more delightful than having a drink at the beach? I can't.

On that note I should mention, I'm not an alcoholic. I know in reading many of my blog posts you might think otherwise but I've calmed down a lot in my old age. I'm almost 25 after all.

Speaking of turning 25, I'm searching for ideas for my birthday party this year. It's on a Monday in June and I'm thinking I will do a Sunday night outing at the diviest dive bar I can find in Manhattan. I know plenty but I'm open to new ideas. I'm also looking forward to the trial runs I have to do before inviting everyone. You meet the coolest freaks at cockroach infested pubs. Anybody have any ideas? Last year I invited everybody to drink boxed wine in Central Park. I enjoy having all my friends around in a low key atmosphere where it doesn't cost us a shit load and we can sing/scream if we want to.
This place looks perfect!

Weekend Overview

Too much happening. No time to blog. Or, I'm just too lazy to make time.

Friday night I went uptown to Casey's apt. I brought the makings for rice krispie treats and because the grocery store had the brilliant foresight to place generic marshmallows next to Chimay, I brought a bottle of that as well. Then we sat around with Billy and Mark eating Chinese food and watching... well... it would be inappropriate to say what we were watching.

Saturday night was filled with ex-coworkers, one of my favorite dive bars, and the announcement that StumpsAround did an AMAZING job on the GMATS. Good work lady!

I woke up yesterday to a text informing me Casey was called into work early. That sucks. It's the guys freakin birthday and they call him in to a twelve hour shift. Sorry babe. So instead of seeing him I went to brunch with A. She invited me to see the hipster version of Much Ado About Nothing. It sounds like it would be horrible, but honestly it was pretty funny. When you think about it, this modernization is really obvious. Some of the actors were really exciting to watch. They had creative ideas that kept you guessing. Some of it was just silly nonsense that distracted you from the story. At intermission I got a text from Doodle offering me a free ticket to In the Heights which recently moved to Broadway. Of course I went. I wasn't sure if I was going to like this show but it is really different from what I was expecting. It's about living in Washington Heights and the main character is a bodega worker from the Dominican Republic that raps his songs. The music was great but the story line was odd. I didn't care though. I got too distracted by the nut next to me that started sobbing and then picking her nose.

So I didn't get a chance to write over the weekend but could you do me a favor please? Could you help end global violence against women? I know that sounds like a lot but just being aware helps.

Against my better Judgement

Recently Gwen mentioned on her blog that it was not a good idea to post when you have been drinking. I would usually agree but for some reason I am ignoring that advice right now. I thought it only fair since I spoke of Thursday night to mention what a wonderful time I had on both Friday and Saturday as well.
Friday night I went to a catered apartment party with my wonderful/ fantastic boyfriend and two of our close friends. I think we all had a good time. It was an interesting crowd with delicious food and drink. I truly love the company of all of these people so we were bound to have a good night out.
Saturday night I saw August: Osage County with Jason. You know what... that play is damn amazing. We were both a little confused throughout the first scene but from then on you find yourself fully captivated for three hours. I don't want to ruin it for anybody but if you have the chance, see it. It's a beautiful script that I hope to read in the near future and the acting was amazing. So many other things would be worth mentioning but I won't bother here. After the play we met William at the Ritz for drinks. I didn't drink that much until I realized the bartender was an old AMDA friend and he offered a huge shot which I stupidly took before getting in a cab and deciding to blog. Brilliant. Anyway, it was a wonderful evening and I would still be out if I didn't have such a big day planned tomorrow. I hope everyone is having a lovely weekend. I'm off to bed.

Best Winter Solstice Party Ever!

This year my company decided not to have a holiday party, again. So we threw our own last night. It turned out so much better since it was just the four of us and one former co-worker. We didn't have to mingle with the people you spend the entire year trying to avoid.

We decided to go out for Winter Solstice Drinks at Divine Bar East. It would have been perfect but they had a private party taking up the seating area and we didn't want to stand so we walked to some random joint nearby and got a table near the bar. A couple drinks later details get blurry.

We spent the morning trying to put the pieces together about what happened last night. We had delicious Tapas and a cheese platter. Chocolate martinis, french martinis, wine and something orange consistently appeared in our hands. We gave out too much information, or, maybe that was just me. We decided we all love each other. Someone drank from someone else's stiletto. We called my wife NYCeCe and spoke about lip gloss bein popin' among other things. I recall a photo shoot with underwear/ bar wedgies. A lot of us have bite marks today. Man, we can party. Surprisingly enough, we all showed up at work today! I was late and one left early (too much cheese plate) but we all came.

It was a good night and the best Solstice party we could possibly have. Happy Winter Solstice to you and yours!

Beauty Secrets From Yours Truly

Through my complete lack of researching I have finally found the answer to looking young and beautiful. Did you know that you are just a few blended pig placentas away from the youthful skin you remember or hope to preserve? It even comes in a bottle! That's right friends. I'm cutting out carbs and throwing in a delicious placenta because, hey, animals do it! Animals also eat the intestines out of not quite dead yet creatures and you know, maybe they are on to something there as well. I've always wondered about the Placenta brand shampoo that came in jugs from CVS. I didn't understand why it was a good choice as a hair product but now I understand. You are supposed to drink it! The obvious answers are always right there in front of us and yet we never see. No, we never see.

Holiday Memories

I'm starting to get into the Halloween spirit today. Probably somewhat because it's a little dark out and the city skyline is looking rather gloomy out the office windows. Perfect.
Halloween has always been my favorite holiday. Not every year works out to be an amazing adventure of course but in general it's a fairly thrilling holiday. Last year I went to a very wild party in Jersey dressed as Patsy from AbFab. My friend and partner in crime came as Edina.

That would make me the character on the right. It was glorious.

I remember as a child I had a knack for telling terrifying stories. I would tell them to the other latchkey kids after school. What a jerk I was but I think they sort of loved it. We had nothing better to do then traumatize each other for life. That's how kids are. Come to think of it, I remember having a similar evening in college. Guess I don't grow out of things too easily.

Some of my favorite costumes over the years include my drugged up Marilyn complete with my own bottle of vodka and pills. For the record, making a bottle of vodka part of your costume is a bad idea if you don't intend to drink the whole thing. I also enjoy the time I was Satan which I understand doesn't sound very original but it was really just an extension of my own evil personality. I had my hair teased as big as possible and my skin was covered in Satan like scrawlings including 666 and negative Bible verse. It was probably really inappropriate. Yep, it definitely was. In high school my junior and senior year I threw a party with a couple other friends. We went all out decorating this huge house for two full days. A couple hundred people came the first year. We didn't expect that kind of turnout at all. It was fantastic!

This year I don't know. I'm seeing the Parodivas on Halloween so I don't need to dress up for that. I have two other costume parties that I don't know if I will attend or not. Spirits have been low this year. My original idea of being Pat Benetar isn't panning out and I have switched to this glorious idea of David Bowie (Ziggy Stardust era). Wouldn't that be fantastic? If I don't dress up this year I vow to do it next.

Happy Haunting Freaks!

50 Blog Posts!

Today is my 50th post. For some reason I decided that today I would like to answer the questions from Inside the Actors Studio. James Lipton asks the same 10 questions to each person he interviews on the show. Mind you, my answers could change by tomorrow but for now this is what I feel:
1. What is your favorite word? Perspective ... Doodle was using it a lot awhile ago and I'm stealing it. I find this word can be used to help you with or through anything.
2. What is your least favorite word? Twiddle ... it just creeps me out
3. What turns you on [creatively, spiritually or emotionally]? Honestly so many things do and I'm lucky that way but new/clever ideas get me excited and that can be regarding anything.
4. What turns you off? Close-Mindedness These people are hopeless.
5. What sound or noise do you love? A heavy downpour with a far off thunderstorm.
6. What sound or noise do you hate? People whistling in public places. I'll smack you!
7. What is your favorite curse word? Damn in any way you can find to use it. It feels good.
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Psychiatry. Good thing I don't because I could cause a lot of damage.
9. What profession would you not like to do? Being a flight attendant would suck. You are always in a small confined place with bitching, ill, and/or dirty people. Hmm... sounds like my office.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? A nod in the direction of the open bar would suffice. See you all there!

All in a weekend.

Where did it go? Wasn't I just at my desk all excited for the weekend about an hour ago? What happened?
I remember heading directly to the Beer Garden after work Friday. Rounding out my week the same way I started it. I left early though. Where did I go? Oh yeah... I wasn't feeling so hot thanks to all my vaccinations. Here is to another 10 years of being tetanus free!
Thought I would throw in this disturbing picture of someone suffering from tetanus. Enjoy my nightmares!

Annnnyyy wwwaayy. Friday night was spent watching movies and eating pizza with Casey. In the words of Doodle "Cute *vomits*". Yeah, I know, I know.

Saturday brunch was the celebration of Princess Chunyendu's 2nd annual 23rd birthday. It was freakin' pink galore. A baby was there but she was well behaved so it hardly freaked me out at all. We left a pink balloon trail as we traveled to the after brunch drinking spot Disiac. I heart that place. "A Moroccan oasis in the midst of the chaotic concrete jungle." Aka Hell's Kitchen.

When that was over I did the ritual after brunch nap and then met a friend that just got back from tour and Casey for more pizza and beer. Anyone want to go to the gym?

Then came Pride Sunday. Happy Pride!!! Time well spent drinking Pinot Grigio out of a box in sheep's meadow with a lesbian ex couple and their dog. Then drinking Miller Lite at Blondie's with two straight men and various bar foods. I fell asleep by 8 o'clock and missed my ladies outing last night.

Why is it Monday again? Where is life going and why is it going there so fast? Ugh. I have a feeling I'm soon to be the triplet of Doodle and Dar's current twin status. I hope everything works out beautifully guys. I know it will. Mwah!

I saw the future me!

Freddy has this sweet new job that occasionally provides him with free tickets to shows. (Not the bouncer job at Therapy, some legit thing.) So last night he invited me to see The Drowsy Chaperone. I have to admit, I liked it. I wasn't in love but I think that has a lot to do with the current cast, lack of audience, and general low energy of a Wednesday night. The only character that was really on was Aldolpho and after the show I was informed that he was the only original cast member left. All that being said... I would love to play the Chaperone! The character is exactly what I want to be when I grow up. I feel like the woman playing last night missed so many moments and it kills me to be able to watch this and know I'll never do it again. The show almost made me tear up reminding me how much I miss theater. I'm working on a plan to change that.