Thursday, June 30, 2011

The Never Ending Process of Trying to Move On

When I started this blog I had recently been broken up with by someone that I had already fallen head over heels for. It broke my heart. I couldn’t let them know how much. We stayed friends and I think outwardly I handled it well. I started to see someone else but unfortunately for them I wasn’t over my ex. I couldn’t move on. As it turned out the breakup didn’t stick and we were back together within months.

I really had a wonderful time when I was with Casey. I didn’t doubt that the love was mutual and he became my best friend. I think for both of us it was the first relationship that showed us what we were worth, and it’s a lot. I adore his entire family and all of his friends. He was the only person I ever imagined building a future with. I wanted a part of that life.

Unfortunately things change. There was some sort of disconnect in understanding each other and I started to grow distant. There is no reason to go back into that so I won’t. We wanted different things in life and we had to move on.

Casey and I are still friends. We can’t possibly be as close as we once were but I try to stay a part of his life and attempt to keep him in mine. I think we’ve done a pretty stellar job at the whole ex thing to be honest.

Last weekend I was asked to meet for a happy hour margarita. It had been a few months since we last went for drinks just the two of us and I wondered if there was a particular reason for this meeting. One margarita in, the news came out. Next month Casey is proposing to his girlfriend during their trip to Paris.

I honestly don’t remember what my initial reaction was. I guess I was somewhat shocked because I didn’t know how serious the relationship was. I felt incredibly happy for him and selfishly melancholy at the same time. I wasn’t sure why. I spent the next couple days trying to sort out my thoughts and emotions. I teared up more than once. I finally just said it. I feel like I’m losing him.

Let me clarify. I don’t want to be romantically involved or anything of the sort. I’m thrilled that someone I care so much about found the person they want to spend the rest of their life with. I’m just jealous that I don’t know her. I don’t know that part of his life. Now that part will be his everything. Casey, like a true adult, is moving on.

I have a constant fear of losing my friends. This isn’t new. I've had this reaction before. Just not with someone I once thought I would marry. I know that the people I love are going to couple up and move out of the city. I’ll hear from them in a Facebook post and maybe see them every couple years. I know we all grow apart and relationships change. I know. And yet I can’t seem to handle it like everyone else.

I told Casey this (more or less) via e-mail once I had it figured out. Now, with his blessing, I’m going to work on getting to know his future fiancĂ©. With that in mind, suddenly, all that selfish worry is gone. Now I can be appropriately excited for my friend in one of the biggest moments of his life. Seriously, Paris?! That’s going to be one hell of a proposal. She’s a lucky girl to have you Case. I’m sure I’ll soon find that you’re lucky to have her too.

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.” — Albert Einstein


fiwa said...

My hat is off to you, baby. You are a classy lady.

Reb said...

It sounds like you are an adult about your relationship with Casey too. I am sure you & his future spouse and will get along just fine.

IWS Radio said...

Wow. You guys are acting really mature here. I hope other people don't start doing the same. The internet will become boring. ;-)


Mike said...

What Jay said!!!!

Tall Lanky Jew said...

Thank you for your thoughts Knight :)There is NO doubt in my mind that you 2 will get along great!

Micky-T said...

I once did a major "break up" in Paris.

Sidwalk cafe and everything!

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