Thursday, September 1, 2011

Remember Books?

I’m old fashioned already. I’m going to grow into an evil curmudgeon someday.

Today (and everyday) I’m taking the subway to work like I always do. I’m ready at the door to get off the train and walk directly out the turnstile without any pausing to cause a traffic jam. Today (and everyday) when the subway car doors open and we are trying to exit the train, we are greeted by a sea of oblivious people blocking the doors. Every single one of the oblivious herd is looking down at some handheld device that is so important they don’t realize they have blocked us in. Now I can’t get off the train and you can’t get on the train. Today (and everyday) I have to shove you out of my way so I can go to work.

The worst part is that I look like the crazy person not for shoving my way through a crowd but because I’m holding in my hand something unheard of. A type of object that doesn’t require a charger. You may remember them from your youth. I don’t want to age myself here but it’s true, I carry a book with me. A real one! It’s made of that stuff you might recall from before the world went “green”. That stuff they make from trees? Yeah paper. Just a few years ago everyone on the train had a book. Now I feel like it’s equal to carrying a boom box on my shoulder. Okay maybe a cd player.

All I really want is for everyone to stop staring at Words with Friends long enough to enter the train or cross the street safely. If you aren’t paying attention and you run into me I’m warning you now I’m going to punch you in the head. I can’t hold out any longer. On a similar note, you don’t need to “check in” at every block. If you make it that easy for people to stalk you I just might start doing it. I’ll show up everywhere you are. It won’t be pretty.


I'm With Stupid said...

I'll act as your blocking back if you like. I'll just go wherever you go all day and I'll plow into the crowds, clearing you a path. I can also double as a body guard.

I really hate being the only one out in public who doesn't have a smart phone. Everyone already stares at me like I'm some kind of freak as it is.

But, I am kind of addicted to Words With Friends. I only play on the computer though. So, it's not as bad, right? ;-)

- Jay

jack mehoff said...

you will never find me with one of those tablets - you cant dog ear the pages to your fav poems (double dog eared if it was really good)

there is nothing like cracking a book, shoving your nose in the spine and taking a big whiff.

try doing that with a tablet and not look like a freak!

Micky-T said...

I have a kindle.....

I still have books too. Just finished a GREAT one..."Infidel" by Ayaan Hirsi Ali.

can I still visit here?

Mike said...

There's no satisfaction on an ereader of seeing how much you've finished or how much there is to go.

Gary's third pottery blog said...

I have been with Knight on the subway, and indeed, the girl knows how to use those six inch heels quite effectively upon the clueless :)

LL said...

Marry me now.

Larson said...

Ugh, Foursquare people are the WORST. Either they're bragging to the world that they're at some awesome place or they're checking in at the local Exxon or some shit. Either way, they deserve a swift punch right to the grundle.

tiff said...

I have a phone that makes calls. I can text too, and take pictures, but I usually don't even know where the thing is. Needless to say, I don't get Foursquare.

Hi - I'm Tiff, and I'm in a race with you to get to evil curmudgeon status.

(here through LL. Congrats, you 2!)

SisterMerryHellish said...

Same damn thing happens when I'm trying to get ON the elevator when I come back from lunch. People standing there with the doors open looking at their phones while I'm waiting to get on the damn thing to go back to work!

It takes all my effort not to punch them in the neck.

Knight said...

Jay- I would take you as a body guard any day.

Jack- Yeah smelling your tablet would be a little strange. Do you sniff your book every time you open it?

Micky-T- I understand using a kindle for books you don’t intend to keep a copy of. I usually want to keep the books I read.

Mike- Amen to that! I didn’t even realize how much I think of that until you mentioned it.

Gary- Ha! Ooops, did I break your toe?

LL- I proposed to you and you said no. Oh, alright. I can’t resist those little black eyes.

Larson- Don’t be jealous. You are always at some awesome place too.

Tiff- Good. Keep it that way for your own good! AND Thanks for the congrats! I’ll be biking over to LL’s place soon so we can elope.

SMH- You should try screaming fire and see if they look up. Please hold a camera when doing this.

GMEyster said...

Me too. I still smell library books, and....I love the smell.