Remember Books?

I’m old fashioned already. I’m going to grow into an evil curmudgeon someday.

Today (and everyday) I’m taking the subway to work like I always do. I’m ready at the door to get off the train and walk directly out the turnstile without any pausing to cause a traffic jam. Today (and everyday) when the subway car doors open and we are trying to exit the train, we are greeted by a sea of oblivious people blocking the doors. Every single one of the oblivious herd is looking down at some handheld device that is so important they don’t realize they have blocked us in. Now I can’t get off the train and you can’t get on the train. Today (and everyday) I have to shove you out of my way so I can go to work.

The worst part is that I look like the crazy person not for shoving my way through a crowd but because I’m holding in my hand something unheard of. A type of object that doesn’t require a charger. You may remember them from your youth. I don’t want to age myself here but it’s true, I carry a book with me. A real one! It’s made of that stuff you might recall from before the world went “green”. That stuff they make from trees? Yeah paper. Just a few years ago everyone on the train had a book. Now I feel like it’s equal to carrying a boom box on my shoulder. Okay maybe a cd player.

All I really want is for everyone to stop staring at Words with Friends long enough to enter the train or cross the street safely. If you aren’t paying attention and you run into me I’m warning you now I’m going to punch you in the head. I can’t hold out any longer. On a similar note, you don’t need to “check in” at every block. If you make it that easy for people to stalk you I just might start doing it. I’ll show up everywhere you are. It won’t be pretty.

2:30 AM

It's time for another (or maybe it's the first) late night stream of conscious post.

This is coming at you after only one glass of Voignier (a white wine) which means I am sober even if this entire entry is confusing and pointless.

First of all I would like to thank everyone for all the birthday wishes and whatnot. I heart you all for your continued support even though I rarely post these days. Unemployment is such a bitch.

Speaking of the whole lack of job thing, I have some sort of meeting at 10:30am tomorrow but the letter I got in the mail saying I had to go or I would lose unemployment benefits didn't say what the meeting was for or about. Is it sad that my biggest concern is what to wear? I highly doubt the government is going to give me much help in finding a job. I do think I might be getting some idea of what I would like to that works with my skill set. That is the benefit of constantly job hunting as your day job. I'll stop talking about it before I get depressing.

I'm watching a Roseanne marathon on TV Land right now. It's so strange to me how much I like this show. I think it's because the way Roseanne talks (with constant sarcasm) reminds me of my mom. Honestly it reminds me a bit of myself as well. My mother was visiting me last week. I always enjoy when she is here. It's disturbing to say but either I'm rapidly turning into her or we are turning into each other. I think it's the latter.

There is some sort of note chain on Facebook that basically all my friends keep tagging me on. It's the first one I ever wanted to do myself but I decided I would rather put it here. Now hang on while I go look up the exact wording .....

Okay, here we go.

15 Books

Don’t take too long to think about it. Fifteen books you’ve read that will always stick with you. First fifteen you can recall in no more than 15 minutes. Copy the instructions into your own note, and be sure to tag the person who tagged you.

1. Of Human Bondage - W. Somerset Maugham
2. 1984 - George Orwell
3. Night - Elie Wiesel
4. Dry - Augusten Burroughs
5. Zorba The Greek - Nikos Kazantzakis
6. Without Feathers - Woody Allen
7. The Stand - Stephen King
8. Rat Pack Confidential - Shawn Levy
9. Where The Sidewalk Ends - Shel Silverstein
10. The Stranger - Albert Camus
11. One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest - Ken Kesey
12. The Alchemist - Paulo Coelho
13. The Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
14. Foundations of Psychopathology - John C. Nemiah, M.D.
15. Inferno - Dante Alighieri

I tried to be quick and pick a variety of books I know have affected me in some way and I know will always stay with me. At least parts of them. I do have a horrible memory after all. Right now I am reading "The Fountainhead" by Ayn Rand and I've only just bitten into the first hundred pages of seven hundred and something. I have a feeling it would be on this list if I had already finished it. Anyone want to recommend anything? I love recommendations.


I burned my hand with the iron today. It looks all shiny and cool. I don't think it will leave a scar. Damn. Off to New Jersey this weekend with the girls. I don't really have a group I call "the girls" so nobody in my life should know what that means. Hell, I could be talking about my boobs. But I'm not. A few of us were going to stay in a house by the beach but it won't stop raining so I guess it will be lots of bowling in another state. Whoo hoo. Toss me a beer.

Novel Relations

I'm reading my favorite book again. I've read it so many times I lost count. The author is inconsistent and cynical but writes life experiences with an honesty I admire. Each time I pick up the book a line or idea will strike me and stay in my thoughts for days. The book is Of Human Bondage by W. Somerset Maugham. I wanted to share a line that has been swimming in my brain.

"There's always one who loves and one who lets himself be loved."

In the context of the book the character makes similar statements several times and basically decides that in a relationship one person always loves more than the other or one loves and the reciprocate allows it without returning.

It troubles me. I have been party to and witness of this in the past but if it were true every time why would we bother? Is it because we don't realize until it is over? Are people content with this? With all the complexities within a relationship this can't possibly always be the case but I hope I'm not just saying that because I don't want to believe it.

Run Away Rhyme

Hello Darlings,

I'm going to make an effort to start posting more frequently. I never feel inspired to talk about anything these days and I think it's because I'm not in the swing of things. So this post is going to have to be a stream of conscious, confusing mess of whatever flies through my brain.

Currently I'm sitting on my floor drinking Pellegrino and wondering why Sarah Jessica's voice is so annoying. I really shouldn't blame the actress. It's that annoying Carrie character. I'm turning off the TV. Good. Now I'm saving my ear drums and conserving energy.

Speaking of conserving, earlier today I was thinking I should get a bike. I have no place to put it in my apartment but if feels like the right thing to do. Then again, I take public transit so I'm not really helping anything by biking. I'm pretty sure my carbon footprint isn't bad but I feel like I should be doing more.

I think I have become addicted to Flax seeds. You are supposed to take them as a daily supplement so you can't over do it. I really like them. If I could I would eat a bag in one day. I don't because I'm afraid they will act as a laxative. Maybe I should go buy some sunflower seeds to be on the safe side. Who craves seeds? Oh crap, I have something in common with birds. I hate birds.

I'm going to go crawl into bed now and read some Faulkner. I just started "As I Lay Dying" which is interesting so far. I'm having trouble deciphering what the relationships of the characters are so I know I'll have to go back and reread a few parts. Regardless, he has my attention. Fair thee well my friends. Or is it fare? I don't know and I don't care. On that sad rhyme I must hit post and run away.

Tying Things Together

I mentioned on Saturday's post that I was headed out to see a musical in New Jersey. NYCeCe has a friend on The Wedding Singer tour that is currently showing in Newark. We traveled out there with Alex! who I'm sure will be posting a review shortly. Overall I think the show in general sort of sucks. I'm really glad I went and was thankful for the free ticket but the writing is bad and I can't remember a single song. I went to a musical theater academy. I'm supposed to remember the freakin' songs. I have a tendency to pick what roll is for me in every musical and in this show it is clearly the rocker fiancee Lynda that ditches the lead guy at the alter. The show may not be good but I still want to play a roll like that. It's my alter ego. Only not so far off from my regular ego.

On Sunday I mentioned I bought a new book on my way home from brunch. When I went into the bookstore I didn't have anything specific in mind but then I saw the book I got my brother for Christmas. He requested it but I thought it looked interesting so I got it for myself this time. It is The God Delusion. Perfect gift to celebrate Christ's birth, I know. Anyway, I'm excited about the book. I think it will be somewhat enlightening. On a similar note, I got an e-mail forward from GMeyster that was amusing. I would like to share it with you.


CAN'T I OWN CANADIANS?

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by an East Coast resident. It was posted on the Internet and is both funny and informative.

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them.

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev.1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev.15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this only applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly
states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I am pretty nearsighted and also have to wear a bifocal. I'm useless without my glasses, but can see 20/20 with them. Does my vision have to be 20/20 without glasses, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by (Lev. 19:27). How should they be put to death?

I know from (Lev. 11:6-8) that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm and plants climbing beans to run up his cornstalks. He obviously violates (Lev. 19:19) by planting two different crops in the same field. Also, so does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (a cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16).
Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with
people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you
can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
unchanging.

Your devoted fan,

Moishe

For the record, I'm not trying to push any religious ideas on my blog. I just thought this was funny.