Two weeks ago I was at a friend’s birthday party being introduced to a sassy guy in a pink shirt as his prom date. He didn’t appreciate his date being forced upon him. I think he assumed I was a bitch. I assumed he was gay. I had no idea what this prom thing was so my friends explained that they had plans to get dressed in formal wear and then travel to a river in Jersey where they would ride down the river on air mattresses. No way in hell was I going to miss this. It turns out pink shirt guy is not gay, just a bit of a hipster and we have a ton in common even though I am a bit of a bitch. I get to go to prom!
Ten years later the real prom of my dreams comes to life. Hell, even the music was better. Listening to a bunch of freaks belt out Total Eclipse of the Heart while standing in a waterfall is a million times better than standing in a swaying circle of pubescent, crying, sex crazed youth singing American Pie.
Okay, okay it wasn’t prom. It was just a really awesome outing with crazy amazing people. Here, I’ll show you so you can feel left out. Just like your original prom.
This is the full crew. Photo taken by random man in the forest with dog.
The Ladies of the Lake
I'm keepin' it classy New Jersey!
The guys are lookin' mighty fine.
Actually with me putting my dress on in the background it looks a little like a terrifying woodland after-orgy photo.
Prom Photo! Knight and Date
The Naughty Couple
The water looks oil filled but we didn't notice anything unusual. Thanks to the hurricane we almost cancelled the trip. We were afraid of flooding, hypothermia, dead bloated animals, cemetery bits, and 10,000 gallons of diesel fuel.
The Mighty Waterfall
Climbing the Waterfall (aka Tits and Ass photo)
I lost my shoe climbing the rock and sensing my weakness my date started stalking me in the wood.
Carrying my dead body down the river like a gentleman.
So it was a pretty great Labor Day weekend. Hey if anyone has any awesome ideas of amazing things to do I'm open to suggestions.