Monday, April 21, 2008

Welcome Spring (You flighty bastard.)

Friday night was a nice night in the city. Conveniently placed about fifteen seconds from my building entrance is a Mexican restaurant with margaritas by the pitcher. Everyone knows that on the first nice night of spring one must enjoy mass quantities of some sort of Mexican drink. I would never dream of breaking this rule so Casey was kind enough to meet me and appease the lords of liquor. Since it wasn't quite warm enough to spend the remainder of the evening streaking down Broadway we decided to attempt watching a movie and failed.

Saturday was even better than Friday weather wise. I thought I better get my pasty limbs to the park and start sunning. It's already difficult to sleep since I have become glow in the dark so I strapped on my roller skates and made my way to a grassy spot in the sun. To absolutely nobodies surprise, every other New Yorker was also in central park trying to get sun. As we all brawled for a patch of grass we left our apartments unattended so the robbers had plenty to do. I own nothing of worth so I don't worry about these things. Take my TV from the 90's ... I dare you!

So I sat in the sun for a few hours thinking I was probably getting a nice burn. Nope. Nothing. The slightest hint of a line on my stomach maybe. What the hell? I'm translucent and I can't even get a burn after hours of sun exposure. So I skated to the salon and got my hair highlighted instead. Getting your hair highlighted takes a freakishly long time so at six o'clock I go running home (skates in hand) to get showered and dolled up in my hot black dress. Then I have to be downtown by 6:45. Someone please give me credit for getting ready in only twenty minutes! Single, you know what I mean, right?

Anyway, I head off to dinner and then a comedy show benefit for AIDS Walk. It was fun. Sort of odd. Some white chick dressed in tight overalls sang a song about stealing my purse. I helped my friend JBS pick up a really hot crippled comedian with nice teeth. He fell asleep during a particularly bad comedy show later that eve so the pick up wasn't looking good but apparently it was just a power nap and everything worked out just fine. So I left the two of them in a cab and headed to a birthday party in Hell's Kitchen around midnight. I walked up to the bar just in time to help smuggle in slightly under age college kids. I had not been to this place before (I guess I'm out of the loop now.) so I wasn't prepared to have gyrating men in briefs sweat on me as I tried to order a drink. Oh yeah, this was a gay bar so for most of the night Go-go dancers are on the bar. Then Peppermint showed up and did a couple numbers. Peppermint is pretty much the most popular drag queen in New York these days. I remember several years ago when she first started hosting cattle call at Therapy. Oh, Therapy is a bar and cattle call is a talent show of sorts. Anyway, she had us all sing happy birthday to my friend and then I headed home because apparently I'm getting too old for this shit.

Around three am I decided to check my messages and discovered I won a LION KISS from The Mountain Cat over at You Just Keep On Believing That!


Sadly, this award was bestowed upon me because I suggested the Pope might have plans to bless NYC vendor's hot dog water thus making delicious Holy Hot Dogs. Wait, did I say sadly? I am very proud and thankful to the Mountain Cat for this honor. I just wish I hadn't decided to write a comment at three am about getting tongued by a mountain lion. Sorry about that.

Then Sunday happened but nothing could top this award so I'll bring this post to a close. Hasta la vista.

17 comments:

GMEyster said...

What a weekend! I am still cracking up!

Jay said...

Holy cow! Busy weekend!

I would have been face down on the floor dead asleep long before the birthday party part. LOL

Well, maybe if I lived in NY and got back into practice I would have made it to the birthday party, but I would have to get back into it slowly.

Mike said...

Maybe I'm the dummy here, but why the hell would you want to do anything to BENEFIT aids?

I mean come on!

It's doing quite well thank you, thanks to all the skanks, whores and douchebags that can't keep their pants on out there!

Knight said...

GMEyster- The one thing I didn't get ot Sat was Suz's show. Jason said it was great. Sorry I missed it.

Jay- Naw, if you were with me I would keep you going. You would just need a little power nap in a bar and you are good to go.

Mike- Alright smartass. You got me on that. I forgot to add the word Walk. It is there now. I'll leave the spreading to the skanks, whores, and douchebags.

R.E.H. said...

Glow in the dark... I like that ;)

And look at you being almost like a regular dude ;) I mean, 20 minutes for a guy is considered plenty of time to get ready... one would probably just sit around for the last fifteen of them wishing time would go faster so we could get out the door and party!

Fun weekend!

gr said...

I wonder if you find the guys in a gay bar more handsome or better dressed than straight guys?

Tink said...

Holy crap. I need you to host my Bachelorette party! ;)

Knight said...

R.E.H.- Guys really have it so easy comparatively. It takes time to deal with long hair and shaving long legs. Plus, I'm supposed to wear makeup and shit when I go out. It's all such a hassle.

GR- No I do not find the guys in a gay bar more handsome or better dressed. It's just a different experience. Sure they look pretty, but I prefer someone I can take to the pub and drink a beer with. Not always a cosmo.

Tink- Ha! That would be amazing. I know where to find all the best drag shows!

Farmer*swife said...

Sun tanning, roller skating, hair appt with highlights AND dolled up in the black dress and a huge night on the town?

How do you DO IT!!

Guys are so lucky. DH woke "late" at 6:40ish this a.m. He had a mtg at 7:00 a.m.

Five minutes later he is walking out the door.

I'm only half dressed from the top up, half make-up on and fawning over a quick cup of coffee before starting breakfast and messing with my hair.

Later Gator, Happy Tuesday!

Doc said...

Good lord Knight... you sure do have full weekends... YIKES

I guess I ahve gotten old 'cause I get tired out just chasing after my son. Oh and congrats again on getting some tongue action with a lion... ;-)

GMEyster said...

It was good...sorry you missed it, but sounds like you were having fun, too!

Real Live Lesbian said...

Congrats on the award! That Mountain Cat's got QUITE the tongue!

Jo said...

What a fun weekend!

Getting highlights is so strangely exhausting. I mean, I'm just sitting there for hours...and afterwards I just want food & a nap. You ran home, got ready & went out! That's impressive.

I guess b/c we have the beaches & tanning salons here, no one lays out at the park except weirdos. Mostly men, and always in itty bitty speedos...with tennis shoes, no socks.

captain corky said...

Sounds like a great weekend and I agree, ushering in Spring with Margaritas is the way to go. Or maybe just some straight tequila. Either way it's a solid plan.

BBC said...

It was decent here yesterday, not great but decent, I got Rick's yard mowed.

It's 43 degrees and raining now. But rain brings new life.

Single In The City said...

I will so give you credit!! You got down getting yourself together.. that meant know time to look or talk to anyone.. A dead focus on what you needed to accomplish!! That is my SIS!!!

You did have full weekend!!and your sexy black dress? Yeah you had it going on!!!!

S.

Brody said...

I've been to NY in the Fall, Winter and Summer, but never the Spring. I really want to make it up there and see all the magic after the thaw.