Fantasies

This is for Jay (Partly to help him feel stalked.) He gets football related hate mail. I'm jealous and saddened by society at the same time. Are you crushed about the whole Tom Brady thing? I don't care.



Oh, and I won a PEACH over at You Just Keep On Believing That!
Thanks Doc!

Don't worry. I'm fine.

My post yesterday was just a little bit creepy so I thought I should start off today by saying, I'm doing really well. I guess the third time is the charm because so far I am emotionally doing great. I'm still sore all over and have a constant headache but all those annoyances come from crap like working, going to the gym, and supposed healthy stuff as well. So in the long run, as long as I can sleep at night and don't feel like I live in a bubble I'm actually doing better! I still don't know for sure what is causing the seizures but I can make pretty good guesses and try some lifestyle changes. I will see the neurologist in a couple of weeks but that is probably just to make sure I don't have brain damage. Just to be safe though, if any of you notice any scary changes in my blog like bright colors, lol cats, nascar conversations, or affection for children, please inform the Tall Lanky Jew right away. He can have me sent off to the loony bin for repair.

In other news, I got an AWARD from the hilarious, intelligent, beautiful, and supremely RAD Dianne over at Forks Off The Moment. THANKS DIANNE!

The Arte y Pico Award

"The award is given to recipients whose blogs exhibit creativity, design and interesting material and also for contributing to the blogging community."

Then there were a whole bunch of rules I was supposed to follow but who has time to read rules?

Since Dianne is the absolute best she already received this award twice so she decided to break her awards up into two categories. This is the category I was in:

"The first category is young women I’d love to adopt. Smart, sassy, sexy, savvy women who I would be so proud to mother to death – in a healthy, non-obtrusive manner of course."

Adopt me! Adopt me! I don't mind if you mother me to death. I would love it. Be as obtrusive as you want Dianne! I agree with everything you say anyway.

I wish I could give this award right back to her but I won't because that would be obnoxious.

Go visit Dianne. You know you want to.

Welcome Spring (You flighty bastard.)

Friday night was a nice night in the city. Conveniently placed about fifteen seconds from my building entrance is a Mexican restaurant with margaritas by the pitcher. Everyone knows that on the first nice night of spring one must enjoy mass quantities of some sort of Mexican drink. I would never dream of breaking this rule so Casey was kind enough to meet me and appease the lords of liquor. Since it wasn't quite warm enough to spend the remainder of the evening streaking down Broadway we decided to attempt watching a movie and failed.

Saturday was even better than Friday weather wise. I thought I better get my pasty limbs to the park and start sunning. It's already difficult to sleep since I have become glow in the dark so I strapped on my roller skates and made my way to a grassy spot in the sun. To absolutely nobodies surprise, every other New Yorker was also in central park trying to get sun. As we all brawled for a patch of grass we left our apartments unattended so the robbers had plenty to do. I own nothing of worth so I don't worry about these things. Take my TV from the 90's ... I dare you!

So I sat in the sun for a few hours thinking I was probably getting a nice burn. Nope. Nothing. The slightest hint of a line on my stomach maybe. What the hell? I'm translucent and I can't even get a burn after hours of sun exposure. So I skated to the salon and got my hair highlighted instead. Getting your hair highlighted takes a freakishly long time so at six o'clock I go running home (skates in hand) to get showered and dolled up in my hot black dress. Then I have to be downtown by 6:45. Someone please give me credit for getting ready in only twenty minutes! Single, you know what I mean, right?

Anyway, I head off to dinner and then a comedy show benefit for AIDS Walk. It was fun. Sort of odd. Some white chick dressed in tight overalls sang a song about stealing my purse. I helped my friend JBS pick up a really hot crippled comedian with nice teeth. He fell asleep during a particularly bad comedy show later that eve so the pick up wasn't looking good but apparently it was just a power nap and everything worked out just fine. So I left the two of them in a cab and headed to a birthday party in Hell's Kitchen around midnight. I walked up to the bar just in time to help smuggle in slightly under age college kids. I had not been to this place before (I guess I'm out of the loop now.) so I wasn't prepared to have gyrating men in briefs sweat on me as I tried to order a drink. Oh yeah, this was a gay bar so for most of the night Go-go dancers are on the bar. Then Peppermint showed up and did a couple numbers. Peppermint is pretty much the most popular drag queen in New York these days. I remember several years ago when she first started hosting cattle call at Therapy. Oh, Therapy is a bar and cattle call is a talent show of sorts. Anyway, she had us all sing happy birthday to my friend and then I headed home because apparently I'm getting too old for this shit.

Around three am I decided to check my messages and discovered I won a LION KISS from The Mountain Cat over at You Just Keep On Believing That!


Sadly, this award was bestowed upon me because I suggested the Pope might have plans to bless NYC vendor's hot dog water thus making delicious Holy Hot Dogs. Wait, did I say sadly? I am very proud and thankful to the Mountain Cat for this honor. I just wish I hadn't decided to write a comment at three am about getting tongued by a mountain lion. Sorry about that.

Then Sunday happened but nothing could top this award so I'll bring this post to a close. Hasta la vista.

Dork Spork and Etsy Fun

Tink made awards for the dorks that went ahead and used her April Fool's joke for part of the WWC. I couldn't help doing it. Monkeyshine is such a great word! Plus, I've wanted to decorate that ugly painting in the hall ever since I moved in. So thanks Tink for my Dork Spork!


Tink is also the one that tricked me into becoming an Etsy addict. Here is my latest purchase.




I also found these odd tidbits:

Sharing floss with the ones you love.

Oww! My Eyes!

Kidney Needs A Wax

Boy George

Children That Haunt Me

Introducing Al

Today my blogging mentor (she hasn't exactly agreed to the mentoring) Tink of Pickled Beef awarded me with this:

Thanks Tink! It's an honor coming from you, the coolest chick in blogland.

Today I messed with my blog layout a tiny bit. I changed the top banner text and it almost looks the same but I almost made a huge jump to this:



Then I decided it looked a little too crime drama or night court. Very misleading. My co-worker suggested I include a hampster in a parachute falling in the skyline. I don't really understand that one yet but kudos to him for being creative. I also changed up my profile pic to what I call "escaping from the asylum". Casey says I look crazy in the photo so he always harasses me about it. The crazy is exactly why I like it! You all already know I'm crazy if you have read even one blog entry. I have nothing to hide here.

Speaking of crazy, I would like to introduce you to my roommate Al.

Al and I are good friends. I met him at Ikea and we hit it off. I agreed to look out for him as long as he didn't mind me singing and talking at him quite a bit. So far he has proved to be an excellent apartment mate. By that I mean, he has not died on me. I am very proud it's working out.

Today at work I took a few photos of the view from our office.

It's a nice view but it's sad to sit in Queens all day and stare at the place you want to be. The place where all the action is. *Sigh* I'm in love with this city.

Just Peachy

Today the ever so creative and hilarious Doc over at You Just Keep On Believing That awarded me with his highly coveted Peach.



Mentioning orgies with gnomes will get you everywhere in life. If you find that last statement confusing you will just have to go on over and check out the blog. I was awarded as this week's Tuesday Word Game Winner. Go get in on the fun.
Thanks Doc!


In other news, I don't know this woman but her videos make me happy:



What the hell was that?

In Moderation

Heyo.

The ever so adorable Single of Single in the City was kind enough to give me an award yesterday. So I want to thank her for being awesome.



I'm not really sure what that is a picture of but I choose to believe it is a bar at the beach. That is what it looks like anyway and can you imagine anything more delightful than having a drink at the beach? I can't.

On that note I should mention, I'm not an alcoholic. I know in reading many of my blog posts you might think otherwise but I've calmed down a lot in my old age. I'm almost 25 after all.

Speaking of turning 25, I'm searching for ideas for my birthday party this year. It's on a Monday in June and I'm thinking I will do a Sunday night outing at the diviest dive bar I can find in Manhattan. I know plenty but I'm open to new ideas. I'm also looking forward to the trial runs I have to do before inviting everyone. You meet the coolest freaks at cockroach infested pubs. Anybody have any ideas? Last year I invited everybody to drink boxed wine in Central Park. I enjoy having all my friends around in a low key atmosphere where it doesn't cost us a shit load and we can sing/scream if we want to.
This place looks perfect!