Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Inadequate Equipment

I either have cramps or my soul is dying. I'm betting it's my soul.

I've been in the office for nine hours now and it's at least another hour before I will be able to leave. At one point I walked down to the lunch area and got some shitty coffee with animal crackers out of a vending machine. That was my four minute lunch. I think if I don't get out of this chair more often I will turn into a hunchback. That's really going to piss me off because I have no idea where hunchbacks are supposed to shop for clothes. Wait, maybe that is a business opportunity just waiting to be tapped into. Are there enough people out there in need of that extra back space to justify starting a clothing line? Can you tell how desperate I am for any change of scenery whatsoever?

I have some sort of freakish e-mail addiction. I have to check my mail constantly or I get a little manic over what I could be missing. Just my personal accounts of course. I have no real desire to constantly check my work mail. Not only is my work mail consistently providing more crap to the pile but it also has the ability to make me feel like less of a man. When I sat down at my desk this morning I had several messages from my own e-mail address and this is what I was greeted with in the subject lines of my unread mail:

Don’t lack confidence if front of women
Never be lonely again
Every girl will beg you for more
Denise rode me to ectasy all night
Never be lonely again
Ashamed of your small tool?
Never be lonely again
Want to put on the inches?
Nothing like a big steel rod in her
She’ll always want to go down on you
Give it to her big time
Make her bring you home
Show off your new longer rod ASAP
Growing big is super easy
Grow massive with ease

I'm a little creeped out. It appears I am the only person in the office with this spamming issue. I obviously don't have to worry about this problem but if I did I would certainly want to know who was spreading the word of how inadequate my equipment is. Actually I think the most disturbing part is how often I appear to tell myself to never be lonely again. It sneaks in there a lot. *That's what she said.* Showing off my longer rod ASAP did make me laugh. Something about getting it out ASAP seems really inappropriate while I'm at work.


Michael Knight Rambo said...

Why don't I get cool mail like that?
It almost reads like a poem.
It's just begging to be put to music.

Gary Rith Pottery Blog said...

time to go home, time for a drinkie pooo

Micky-T said...

You sure had me fooled.

Tall Lanky Jew said...

Oh good! You got my emails ;)

Reb said...

That is really, just, very....funny! I'm sorry that it makes you feel like less of a man though - that is sad ;)

kcinnova said...

Giggling here...sorry.
Michael Knight Rambo has a good idea there: this might just be the fodder you need for your next show! What a song that would make...

Speaking of which... Will you be having a show when I'm in town in early April?

moooooog35 said...


Can you forward me those emails?

Thanks in advance.

tt said...

'want to put on inches'
'growing big is super easy'
grow massive with ease'
.....................ah hell...I did that already...and I didn't even need a sleezy email to do it! All I had to do was go into my 50's, get on HRT and start taking care of my parents. Worked like a charm..and was relatively cheap. HA
As I always tell myself..
'ewes not fat ewes fluffy'

have a great day babe....

furiousBall said...

i think you need some serious boxed wine therapy

Mike said...

You know mooog's comment?

You can go ahead and cc me on all the emails you sent to him.

Thanks in advance.

Real Live Lesbian said...

Daily, I get about 60 of those on the work account. Perhaps I should let someone with the right "equipment" start opening them!