Inadequate Equipment

I either have cramps or my soul is dying. I'm betting it's my soul.

I've been in the office for nine hours now and it's at least another hour before I will be able to leave. At one point I walked down to the lunch area and got some shitty coffee with animal crackers out of a vending machine. That was my four minute lunch. I think if I don't get out of this chair more often I will turn into a hunchback. That's really going to piss me off because I have no idea where hunchbacks are supposed to shop for clothes. Wait, maybe that is a business opportunity just waiting to be tapped into. Are there enough people out there in need of that extra back space to justify starting a clothing line? Can you tell how desperate I am for any change of scenery whatsoever?

I have some sort of freakish e-mail addiction. I have to check my mail constantly or I get a little manic over what I could be missing. Just my personal accounts of course. I have no real desire to constantly check my work mail. Not only is my work mail consistently providing more crap to the pile but it also has the ability to make me feel like less of a man. When I sat down at my desk this morning I had several messages from my own e-mail address and this is what I was greeted with in the subject lines of my unread mail:

Don’t lack confidence if front of women
Never be lonely again
Every girl will beg you for more
Denise rode me to ectasy all night
Never be lonely again
Ashamed of your small tool?
Never be lonely again
Want to put on the inches?
Nothing like a big steel rod in her
She’ll always want to go down on you
Give it to her big time
Make her bring you home
Show off your new longer rod ASAP
Growing big is super easy
Grow massive with ease

I'm a little creeped out. It appears I am the only person in the office with this spamming issue. I obviously don't have to worry about this problem but if I did I would certainly want to know who was spreading the word of how inadequate my equipment is. Actually I think the most disturbing part is how often I appear to tell myself to never be lonely again. It sneaks in there a lot. *That's what she said.* Showing off my longer rod ASAP did make me laugh. Something about getting it out ASAP seems really inappropriate while I'm at work.