Pet Names: A Rant

Don't call me Honey Bear. Don't call me Cutie or Lovey or Dovey or Sweetie. It drives me completely insane! Maybe you think I'm kidding or maybe you think I'm putting up an act. I guarantee you I'm not. When you are trying to turn me on and you mention Baby Cakes I think of babies and that is no good. Any words that can be associated with children should not be associated with me. Binkie, Frou Frou, Pookie, Peachy Pie... Save these names for your offspring.

Now you might be wondering what is acceptable. Not just for me, of course, but for someone with my same distaste for this type of language. Well, it depends on the personality of course. I decided to look up a nick name generator for lovers. You enter your first and last name then it gives you a suggestion. Mine was "Wicked Hot". I think that is perfect. It makes me feel good about myself and I don't feel like a child. Any other name I put in brought up child like crap so GOOD LUCK! Other acceptable names would be along the lines of Beautiful, Charming, Tiger, Killer, you get the idea.

Now I don't mean to offend the people that are into this sort of thing because you certainly make up the majority. I just feel that it is important to let people know not everyone feels that way. Some people *ahem ME ahem* had enough of the cute crap when they were little. Maybe I'll get back into it when I'm starting to shrivel up again but until then, ADULT names only PLEASE!

I've Got Your Answers - Part 1

First of all, thank you for your questions. I'm so happy I have amusing readers that can make my day and blog so much better. Now I have all kinds of shit to write about! I was going to go in order of comments received which would make Gary up first. Then I wrote the answer which (was more like a novel) during my lunch break and saved it to my work e-mail. Oops. Guess I will be posting that one on Monday. Alright, let's get started.

Furiousball asks:
what's the fastest land animal on earth?

Dear Furiousball,

That is one sexy animal. I love big cats. Rawr.


Micky-T asks:
If you lived in a house, would you own a pet?

Dear Micky-T,
How big is this house? Can I have a Cheetah? I don't think I would. I have a hard time taking care of my plant Al. It's a lot of responsibility and animals in general seem to hate me. They can sense my fear and they take advantage of it. Evil animals. When I was young we had a newt named Newt. I do like reptiles quite a bit. I just don't like feeding live animals to things. We also had a calico cat named C.C. and a cocker spaniel named Sweetness. I loved our animals but I don't think I am currently capable of taking care of one. For now I will just enjoy visiting Casey's cat Clementine. She hates me too.

Jay asks:
When did you decide that you wanted to move from the Midwest to New York? Did you always want to move there? And how did you move to NY? Just you just up and move? Or did you have a plan? And what's it like being so damn sexy? ;-)

Dear Jay,
I don't remember when it was that I decided I needed to be in New York. It always just seemed like the obvious thing to do but I don't remember why. I thought this at a fairly young age. When I was thinking about college I applied to an acting school in Manhattan and when I got my acceptance letter it was a done deal. I had never even been to the city until four months before I moved here. I was 18 when I moved into student housing on the Upper West Side. I didn't know a single person in this entire region. I didn't come out alone though. My mom flew out with me for the first couple days while I started school orientation and the whole thing was pretty easy to be honest. It felt natural. Like there was nowhere else I could possibly belong.

As for being so damn sexy, what are you asking me for? You have all the answers ;)

GMEyster asks:
What really terrifies you?

Dear GMEyster,
I could take the easy road and say rodents and birds. I have an irrational fear of both. It's embarrassing. Seriously though? I've been honest to Jeebus terrified of people lately. With the election, Prop 8, and everything else, I have heard so many hateful comments from all sides. It really scares me. If I lose all faith in people I won't have a lot left. That terrifies me too. Not having anyone. I spend a lot of time alone but I often wonder what would happen if I no longer had the people I care about to go to.

Oh geez... that is not a cheery note to end on. I meant babies. Babies scare me. They leak a lot and are too fragile. They have those scary glossy eyes all love filled and that horrid cooing sound. Eww! Yeah, babies are the most terrifying thing ever.

To be continued...

Six Degrees of Flashing Bacon

I know, I've been hiding. I have too much to do. Work is crazy. Life is busy. No time to blog. I'll just give you an update.

Packages:
I got a really great package in the mail from Gary and I made a vlog but it is horrible. I will have to redo the whole thing and post pictures of the very cool vase he made for me. Check out his site.

I also got two other exciting packages. One was my bi-annual wine club shipment of 6 delicious bottles. I wish I could try them all at once. The other was a surprise gift from my mother. She sent me new black sheets monogrammed! I love my initials. I would put them on everything if I could. I already have them permanently inked into my ankle. She also sent a very cool picnic tote that I can hide beer and wine in to keep it cool while illegally drinking in Central Park. Thanks Mom!

Celeb Encounters:
Friday night on my way home from CVS I had an odd encounter. I was wearing a tube top that was kind of falling off. About half of my bra was showing and I was standing in public. As I adjusted I noticed a man eying me. He looked familiar. Turns out it was Kevin Bacon. My six degrees of separation? Kevin knows my bra. Nice.

Last night I was hanging out with some lovely ladies in Park Slope. One of them was talking about being in love with Adam Sandberg of SNL. She had been on the Subway with him earlier that day and decided he was just as gorgeous in person. After telling the story we notice a man standing behind us. Is that? Why yes it is! It is the PC guy from the Mac commercials. Interesting.

Babies:
The woman who sits only feet away from me is finally out on maternity leave. She was huge and I was terrified her water would break in the office. That would freak me out. A lot. I have never seen our carpets cleaned. I mean.... Yikes.

My cousin's wife just gave birth to their second child last week. They named the girl Bella Buell. I'm not so sure the name was the best idea but that lucky kid is going to be spoiled beyond imagination by my aunt.

On the other side of the family I have a pregnant cousin that just announced they will name their baby Milley (Me Lee). I guess it's Irish? Picking names must be very difficult.

The Week Ahead:
I had rehearsal yesterday and more of that tonight after work. For some reason the rest of the week is a blur. I can't remember if I have plans. If I have made plans with you this week please remind me. Thanks.

Later Bitches.

Tis the Season

The season for going out way too much. I had a lovely day yesterday even though the weather was a watery slush mix falling from the sky. I met NYCeCe, A, and Kelly for our annual holiday gathering. We had brunch on the UWS for a couple hours. Screaming kids crawled along the floor under tables of this very nice restaurant. It was gross. If your twelve year old is unable to stay in their chair and off the floor for a meal, don't take them to nice places. Regardless, we enjoyed our visit and then headed back to my apartment for some spiked eggnog and wine. I even put up some lights. That was about it. We had stuff to do so we all said Happy Holidays, er.. whatever and ran off in different directions.
Sunday evening I went to a theater party with A. We watched an odd burlesque show and then danced for a few hours. It was interesting. Fun.. and interesting. I felt like I was in my grandmother's basement the whole time. Drinking Pilsner and watching a burlesque show in your grandmothers basement is the closest you can get to "that cozy holiday feeling". Tonight is the night for Ice Skating. I absolutely love Ice Skating so I've been looking forward to this. Hope I don't break anything!

Swift-Boating

These ads are hilarious.







This is clearly supposed to be a joke making fun of how infantile the swift-boating is and other ad campaigns. The best part, of course, is the comments posted on the article linked above. Things like "Thank God some of our kids are not brainwashed by the Liberal left." and "These kids need to keep their mouths shut and worry about Sponge bob. They know nothing about politics." Granted, I fixed some of the grammar and spelling. I just can't believe people think these kids are really taking a stance. They are little actors. They know it's a joke. You really think all those kids believe Hillary Clinton is actually a man? Wow. The general public shocks me with it's idiocy in new ways every day.

Impending Doom

I have that sort of feeling today. Makes you shaky. Thankfully I'm usually wrong about this and have zero prophetic abilities. Maybe it's just the "October feeling".

Yesterday I joined a gym and I am very excited about it. I forgot that I actually like them. Of course I will enjoy running more if you put me in front of a TV. Suddenly you feel productive. It's been a long time since I enjoyed a sauna as well. I checked out a few gyms in the process and noticed that the more expensive places had locker rooms full of naked people and the cheaper I didn't even see a sports bra. Odd.

I Believe

Today I received junk mail from a relative that is always forwarding videos and jokes mixed in with pictures of her grandson and other family updates. The trick to this is that I always have to read her e-mails so I don't miss anything good. Today I got an inspirational message. Each belief below was written over a photo of a baby. Babies don't belong on my blog but for me the same effect is found through trees. I chose this tree because I feel it reflects me... a little.




I Believe... That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I Believe... That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I Believe... That just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I Believe... That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I Believe... That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I Believe... That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I Believe... That money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I Believe... That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I Believe... That it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I Believe... That no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I Believe... That the people you care about most in life are taken from you much too soon.

I Believe... That life is more precious than money will ever be.


I must say that some of these statements don't make complete sense to me and possibly need more clarification but then again, that isn't the point. I hope by sharing this that someone else will use it the way I did and at least think about a situation in their life where these simple words might help. Or maybe you will just enjoy an interesting tree photo.