Tuesday, January 18, 2011

The B Theory

Sunday night I was in a cab with two of my friends as we headed to our apartments after a long day of playing poker. As we chatted a strange conversation came up where one of the friends says “You’ve never heard of the B theory?” At least I think that is what he was calling it. Neither of us were familiar. Apparently the B theory applies to people that you would be interested in sleeping with just once under the terms that it was never mentioned ever again or you never had to see the person ever again. This would be guaranteed. So theoretically, who would be on your list? Close friends? Somebody you don’t like all that much as a person but you think might be amazing in the sack? Your boss? Go ahead and think about it.

*Insert Jeopardy Music – Funkafied for Sex Appeal*

So I thought about it. At first it seemed kind of like a funny idea. This is of course assuming that you are not cheating on anyone and it’s all in good safe fun. I went along with it and tried to think of someone.


That night I had nightmares.


I know it had something to do with the B theory so new and fresh in my mind. That night I had some horrible dream where I was at some sort of class reunion and apparently I went to school at Bayside High because the old classmate I was getting frisky with was Mario Lopez.


AHHHHHHH! I am not a fan of that pretty boy. It got weirder in a suddenly I’m naked in a room full of people sort of way. I woke up feeling a little nauseous and very upset with myself over my lack of taste in personality and overall indiscretion. Turns out the B theory is not for me.


But still, if you could……do you have a name on that list?

19 comments:

Moooooog35 said...

Um.

You know my post this week is about Mario Lopez, right?

COINKIDINK?!?!?

Grant said...

B is for Bunny. They're all on my list.

Dana said...

Ummmm ...

How would I know if I never wanted to see them again BEFORE I had sex with them??

That just seems silly ...

Reb said...

I have always found Sam Elliot to be attractive...and that voice makes me swoon. As you can tell, I like character in men's faces ;)

Both Sides of Ben said...

only have 1 left, but i couldn't settle for only once

Knot said...

Could have been worse, you could have had a thing for Napoleon Dynamite.

Jay said...

Hmmm ... Most of the women I'd like to sleep with, I would then want to brag about. Although I wouldn't because I'm a total gentleman that way.

Maybe Rachael Ray? Michelle Obama? IDK ...

Knight Mom said...

Mario was in town a few weeks ago and worked out at my gym. I was not there but he is apparently "not so hot" but very nice. I will defer my B list for later but he isn't on it.

Mike said...

Does the B really mean blogger?

Gary's third pottery blog said...

that B theory totally stands for f##king BEN right up there, and I don't think it is too hard to figure out the only one on his list KNIGHT.....
Ben, here, of course, looks like a leaner but stronger and more handsome and intelligent and creative Mario Lopez :)

Knight said...

Mooog- You know this means we were meant to be together. Mario ruined it all.

Grant- This does not surprise me and is actually a very good choice.

Dana- What if you don't like them in the first place and it's a final act of agression?

Reb- That guy cracks me up because he always acts like his forehead is really heavy. Every single picture his head is tilted forward.

Ben- Well that means they don't fall into the B theory. That just makes them a person you are interested in!

Knot- That's gross. What put that in your head? Do you have something you want to share?

Jay- I think a good one night stand with the president's wife would garner bragging privledges.

Knight said...

Mom- That is very weird. What was he doing working out in Iowa? Did anybody ask him why he won't come out of the closet? We can all see him in there.

Mike- It can. Do you have a blogger you want to try out but never speak of it again? Please tell me it isn't Matt-man.

GARY!!!- You are a FIESTY one in the mornings.. but SHHHH my BOYFRIEND reads this! Don't upset him or I'll have to be careful what I post!

Matt-Man said...

Michele Bachmann!! I loathe that right wing nut job but boy do I wanna hose her. And Ha. Funny response to Mike. Cheers Knight!!

Mike said...

Umm, sleep with the person and never want to see them again.

That's pretty much my history

MUAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHA!

LL said...

I dunno Knight...

There are quite a few people I never want to see again. :P

Dianne said...

I really can't think of anyone I want to sleep with and then have them disappear

I HAVE slept with some people who I wish did disappear but that's a different theory

kcinnova said...

Knot made me laugh!

On account of 23 years of marriage and going strong, I think I'd better pass on this exercise. I don't think I'd like the weird dreams!

Organic Meatbag said...

Damnit woman, you have blighted my corneas with Lopezadrine...hahaha

jack mehoff said...

at least it wasnt screech powers