Monday, February 11, 2008

Tying Things Together

I mentioned on Saturday's post that I was headed out to see a musical in New Jersey. NYCeCe has a friend on The Wedding Singer tour that is currently showing in Newark. We traveled out there with Alex! who I'm sure will be posting a review shortly. Overall I think the show in general sort of sucks. I'm really glad I went and was thankful for the free ticket but the writing is bad and I can't remember a single song. I went to a musical theater academy. I'm supposed to remember the freakin' songs. I have a tendency to pick what roll is for me in every musical and in this show it is clearly the rocker fiancee Lynda that ditches the lead guy at the alter. The show may not be good but I still want to play a roll like that. It's my alter ego. Only not so far off from my regular ego.

On Sunday I mentioned I bought a new book on my way home from brunch. When I went into the bookstore I didn't have anything specific in mind but then I saw the book I got my brother for Christmas. He requested it but I thought it looked interesting so I got it for myself this time. It is The God Delusion. Perfect gift to celebrate Christ's birth, I know. Anyway, I'm excited about the book. I think it will be somewhat enlightening. On a similar note, I got an e-mail forward from GMeyster that was amusing. I would like to share it with you.


Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by an East Coast resident. It was posted on the Internet and is both funny and informative.

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them.

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev.1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev.15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this only applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly
states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I am pretty nearsighted and also have to wear a bifocal. I'm useless without my glasses, but can see 20/20 with them. Does my vision have to be 20/20 without glasses, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by (Lev. 19:27). How should they be put to death?

I know from (Lev. 11:6-8) that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm and plants climbing beans to run up his cornstalks. He obviously violates (Lev. 19:19) by planting two different crops in the same field. Also, so does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (a cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16).
Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with
people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you
can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and

Your devoted fan,


For the record, I'm not trying to push any religious ideas on my blog. I just thought this was funny.


R.E.H. said...

See, that's the kind of no-nonsense sarcasm that I enjoy. Excellent letter! Certainly made me chuckle a few times.

Jay said...

That letter is funny. Dr. Laura is a terrible person.

I haven't read "The God Delusion" yet, but considered getting it from the library. Maybe next time I'm there I will.

Freakazojd said...

Hahaha! That's freakin' hilarious!

GMEyster said...

My friend and former tour roommie is on The Wedding Singer tour, too! You must have been at NJPAC. Funny.

Glad you enjoyed the Dr. Laura letter. And I hope you enjoy the book!