Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Commuting


Last night after work I started my journey home via subway per usual. Lucky for me the subway platform by work is above ground so you get to stand in the freezing wind praying for the lights of a train to appear in the distance. Actually, I chose to stand in the wind last night. I only did this because the wind was blowing so hard against the siding of the platform the siding was lifting up into the air. My choices were, stand in freezing wind or risk the siding breaking off and knocking me onto the subway tracks. So I only risked it for part of my wait. When the train finally came I instinctively went to the car with less people. I should have known of course that nobody was in that car because a homeless man had sprawled out across an entire row of seats. He didn't reek so I sat down across from him. I couldn't help but notice he didn't have socks and his ankles were swollen and dry. He had to be freezing because he kept twitching around. I contemplated how I could get this person some socks. I couldn't give him mine because I don't think he would be all that impressed with knee high stockings for a girl. Maybe they would make a nifty glove or headband but that didn't solve anything. Anyway, I'm thinking this over as the man lies with his back to me twitching around more and more. He has a huge coat on and he is shaking so much I'm wondering if he is okay. That is when I realize... I'm watching a homeless man masturbate. I can't actually see anything thank Jebus but as soon as the thought entered my mind I was positive that was what was happening. I was so uncomfortable but in my shock I couldn't help laughing out loud. That is when he suddenly stopped, did some "adjusting" and turned to peer out from under his coat at me. Socks were no longer on my mind. I had to get off the f'ing train. This is a disturbing story, right? So why do I think it is so funny? This city has messed me up.

8 comments:

Brody said...

Air. Food. Shelter. Everything else is just icing on the cake.

Jay said...

Well I do have to admit that I LOL'd a bit reading that too. Of course I have no social graces and a really low class sense of humor. And it's always funnier when it happens to somebody else. ;-)

R.E.H. said...

Oh, goodness! That was horrible, although I'm not going to sit here and pretend I didn't chuckle a little as I read that.

And poor, sweet you - thinking about getting him some socks, before you realize what was going on ;)

Farmer*swife said...

Oh Mi'Gosh! Beautiful picture but now the subways and trains, and all the above will forever be tainted in my mind....and, I was already afraid of the city. [We have cities, lots of'em and some big one's too -- but those are the one's I avoid as I know I am out of my element.]

I'm becoming so closed minded in my old [okay, just older] age. My new belief is that if it requires a passport? Then, it is too far and not safe (poo, guess that includes Sweden, and Australia...and Scottland).

Of course, in my 20s it was fun to close down the bar...now, I'm happy to have happy hour at home and be in bed watching TV by 9 or 10pm. It's safer, cheaper, and we are lazy (DH & I) What happend to me/us.

Anyhow, be safe! And, keep your socks. You need them for warmth and possibly protection.

GMEyster said...

LOVE IT. I would have laughed too.

NYCeCe said...

AGAIN??????

Anonymous said...

He could have used a sock to jizz into...that's what I do.

Knight said...

Ha, thanks anonymous contributor! I didn't even think of that.