Friday, March 7, 2008

The Hot and the Homeless

Last night I was out drinking wine and listening to jazz with A and NYCeCe.
We had not all been out together in awhile and it was great to catch up on a lot of things. At one point we remembered one of those great city stories that is blog worthy. NyCeCe promised to write it and if she does I will link it here but I'm going to do my half assed version anyway.
One summer night several years ago I was headed to meet NyCeCe at her job on the Upper West Side. I did this frequently so I usually stood outside the employee exit and waited for her to come out. I was still a block or two away from her job when an extremely attractive man stops me in the street. He started telling me how stunning I am (which in this city happens to everyone everywhere) but I was a little surprised by his behavior. I thanked him and tried to keep walking but he followed me. "I know this is awkward and I don't want to scare you but I'm in a bad situation and I was hoping you could help."
I'm not usually very nice to strangers but he had captured my interest. After all, he was damn hot. He told me that he recently became homeless and needed a place to stay. He asked me, a stranger in the street, if he could come home with me. I laughed and said I wasn't going home, I was going to meet a friend at her work. Then I commented that he certainly didn't look homeless.
I kept walking. He followed. "Do you mind if I join you while you wait for your friend?" He was kind of charming. Sure attractive homeless guy. You can wait with me in the street because NyCeCe has to see this.
It was worth it. She came out of that employee exit, saw me standing with this guy and I could see the "Who's the hottie?" look on her face. I introduced him by name and then promptly announced, "We just met. He's homeless." So we invited him to join us for a pitcher of Sangria.
As we drank our fruity wine we were asking him questions about why he was homeless and where he had been staying. Basically, we were trying to figure him out. It didn't make sense. In the meantime he is hitting on both of us and trying to get one of us to invite him home. On the one hand, the guy needed help. On the other, we are not stupid. Visions of Charles Manson are going through our heads. So we both told him over and over again that we were very sorry but neither of us would be providing his shelter for the night. Then he pulled out a $20 and tried to pay for the Sangria. What? Where did that come from? No homeless man, this one is on us.
I don't really remember what happened after we left that place. I think we basically ran so the guy would stop following us.
This is only one of the many, many odd outings we have shared. I like this story. I frequently wonder where the hot homeless man is now. I wonder what lucky lady finally did take him home. I also wonder if he killed her. Ah, good times.


The Mountain Cat said...

Hi Knight, Cool blog. I like White Sangria the best. There is this cool Mexican Rest. on 64th and Amsterdam that serves great Sangria.

Tall Lanky Jew said...

HAHA. It was me!!! I still owe you for the sangria.

Farmer*swife said...

Great Story! Thank goodness the Sangria didn't influence you to take him home. Maybe he used that line to get "lucky."

Of course, considering he was a "Hottie" he probably didn't need a line.

Maybe he cheated and his significant other kicked him out, unexpectedly and kept all his stuff.


Jay said...

"Hi, I'm homeless, can I come home with you?"

That's effing brilliant! I've never even thought of such a brilliant pick up line. He just took the "I lost my number, can I borrow yours" to it's obvious conclusion. hahaha

Mike said...

You did check for the blood stains on the knife he was carrying.... and those around the corners of his mouth and down the front of his shirt... right?

Anonymous said...

I look ahead never behind. I love helping one out i would give him money and told him to Keep it movin!

I am just scared of everything. lol


R.E.H. said...

Rather what unlucky woman finally did take him home... something wasn't right with this dude ;)

Homeless... asking for a place to stay... breaks out a twenty? That gets him a room to sleep in!

Be careful out there with the crazies...

BBC said...

Interesting, every time I've helped a homeless person and let them stay on my property they were a pain in the butt that I had to get rid of.

Never again.

GMEyster said...

Wow. That is funky. Then again, I once pretended to be wheelchair-bound to get a pizza delivered to me at 2am.

BBC said...

Having said that, I set up a bed in the camp trailer for a lady last night. Well, it will give me something to blog about.

JasonBSchmidt said...

Rememeber when I hooked up with an ex-con who looked like James Dean in Hollywood? He lived in Liza's old house. I imagine Hottie McHomeless to be his NY twin. HMMMMMMM.

captain corky said...

LOL! I'm thinking mace would have come in real handy.

Tink said...

A hot homeless guy who wants to come home with you... Man that sounds like something out of a smut novel. LOL.

Anonymous said...

Come by and get your award girly!


Knight said...

M Cat- Thanks! What is the name of this place? I do love good Sangria. Is it across the street from Lincoln Center? I remember having great fajitas with table side guacamole around that area.

TLJ- I knew it! You know how you can repay me ;)

Farmer's Wife- He might have been kicked out by his lady. Good theory. I remember not feeling so sorry for him because he mentioned he had a car and I thought he should sleep in that.

Jay- It's one of my two favorite pick up lines I've heard. The other was a crazy man telling me I have the eyes of a Siberian Husky and then proceeding to give me his address "in case I wanted to stop by".

Mike- The blood stains were minimal and I wasn't sure if they were his or not. The knife seemed hardly used. The blood on his mouth implied he already ate. I felt safe.

Single- I can't help every person that asks me for money or I would be homeless right now. He didn't want money though, he wanted to be in my apartment.

REH- You are right. Something wasn't right. It was an experience though.

BBC- It says something about the strength of your character that you have done this more than once. You obviously do want to help people.

Gmeyster- That is my favorite story you have ever told. Get on that one woman show!

BBC- I hope they appreciate your trouble.

Jasonbschmidt- Who could ever forget that. They probably lived together at some point. James Dean through the homeless guy out and sent him my way!

Captain Corky- Nah, No need for mace in this situation although I do frequently wish I was carrying it when someone pisses me off in the subway.

Tink- Can you imagine how horrible that smut novel would be? "I ran my fingers through his thick greasy hair." Yep, just threw up a little.