Totally Inappropriate

I may be a total narcissist but I'm single and taking applications.

My Insanity Is Showing

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FYI

Graphic signs of the Schizoid
Vigilant and tense handwriting
Extremely strong pressure
Angels
Arcades
Separation
Narrowness
Extremely wide spaces between words or identical to the spaces between letters
Covering strokes
Emphasized upper zone
Left of upright slant
Frozen
Tense strokes
High upper zone
Large or extreme height differentials
At times - a weak stroke
Secondary narrowness
Angular connections
Similar to the "autistic type" by Odem
Emphasize of the beginning
Rhythmic writing
Covering the whole page
Strange ending of letters
"Invented" letters
Twisted letters
Broken letters
Corrections, especially "artistic corrections"
Abundance of punctuation marks or lack of them
Slow writing
Peculiarities and exaggeration
Printed letters

Doesn't this apply to just about everybody? I personally enjoyed THIS SITE.

Maynard Gets Her Mane Cut (and you can too)

I can’t believe how chaotic life has suddenly become. It’s just enough to keep me moving and loving it. This past weekend kicked off with a table read rehearsal for The Trojan Women. We talked mythology until our jaws went numb. Afterwards I went with some of the hot lady cast members to the pub where we drank and danced the hours away. Well, we didn’t really dance all that much.

I woke up on Saturday ante meridiem with music on the mind. I had to get downtown to rehearsal with a rock and roll cover band. There is something about being in the rehearsal studio with the full band blasting that gets my adrenaline pumped right out my vocal chords. I always leave in the absolute best mood.

After rehearsal I wandered into a salon to get my mane trimmed. It was out of control. My hair was so long that it was brushing my lower back. I told the woman to do whatever the hell she wanted. After cutting off six inches of hair she said “See, you have a clean line now. You used to have a whip!” Now that I think of it as a whip I miss it. I do think its funny/sad I can cut off six inches of hair and nobody notices the difference. They just ask if I got my hair lightened.

This is the before picture. On the right side it's darker but it reaches down to the B in Bud.

This is a terribly fuzzy photo of the after hair but it's the only one I've taken thus far. So deal with it.

Then I met up with a couple friends and enjoyed myself into the wee small hours of the morning.

Sunday I met a crew of lovely folk for bowling. I think I’ve been bowling all of twice in the past eight years and they were both within the last month. The first time I bowled under the name Anne BOWLeyn. I was terrible. I mean it was embarrassing. This time I thought perhaps I should use the name that won me a trophy the last time I was on a league. Oh yes, I was on a league. I was still a fetus at the time but they considered me a member and dubbed me MAYNARD. My fetus bowling name was indeed Maynard and we rocked that leagues filthy socks off. So, I put Maynard up on that board and guess what, I WON! Granted it’s not the best score ever. It’s not even my best. But I still won.

We finished up the day with karaoke and then I fell asleep. Sweet dreams. Not exactly, I was dreaming about some freak that was stalking me. All in a good weekend though, right kids? SIGH, Back to work!

Tree Fetish

I’ve always had a big fascination with trees. They are intricate beings which always have a way of perplexing and inspiring me. Often times they can be quite calming which brings a favorite quote of mine to mind.

“Paradise is when nothing comes between the eye and the tree.” – Elie Wiesel

I always think of this quote as I’m lying on a beach admiring a palm tree with nothing but blue in the distance. It’s the perfect Corona commercial.

Living in New York I’m obviously not surrounded by an excess of nature. I go to the park when I can and enjoy the extra oxygen. One of my favorite things about my neighborhood on the Upper West Side is the trees lining the streets. I was walking up Broadway on my way home from work yesterday and finally we had some sun shining through the buildings. With the filthy city rain finally cleared up I was able to look up and see the blooming trees just starting to feel the light hit them.

I’m a very busy girl so I only stopped to enjoy the beauty of the season long enough to snap a quick shot with my Droid. Then I pranced off to the bar where I belong. My breed isn’t allowed to stay in the light too long you know. We are night dwellers. Even at night those fresh blooms look amazing in the street lights. My spirits are lifted.

The Gutter

My mind is wasted. I mean, I think it might be drunk. Or perhaps I just have ADD. I have been having a major problem with distraction in every single part of my day and I’ve got to be honest with you, most of the time my mind is in the gutter. Am I the only person with this problem? I can’t possibly be.

While I’m at work I go through my tasks of the morning and chat with my coworkers while brewing a pot of coffee. I try to work quickly and efficiently but as soon as I’m quietly working at my desk my mind wanders off to thoughts of past encounters. Thankfully I can do this while still working until my boss walks up and asks a question. Something about him makes you feel guilty for not being the purist soul on the planet and although he couldn’t possibly know I fear he will somehow see it on my face.

After work while I’m at the bar or elsewhere with friends I’ve noticed I go silent and stare at the wall if they are boring me. I know that sounds terrible but sometimes people you see on a regular basis start talking about things with each other that you have no desire to contribute to. Like baseball. So my mind wanders off to thoughts of things to try. Then I get a nudge from someone and a “you, okay?” and I realize I might have a problem. Luckily most of them already know my soul is dark and dirty so that isn’t a shocker to anyone.

Then I go home and watch constant episodes of “The Golden Girls” because “Frasier” became too distracting after I developed a crush on Kelsey Grammer. God help Betty White! I’m kidding I’m kidding, calm down. She is pretty hot for a 90 year old woman though.

Whoa, anyway…. Like I said I’ve been having this problem with distraction and I’m wondering if anyone knows what I can do about it.

Bruce Dickinson: Guess what… I got a fever! And the only prescription.. is more cowbell!