Totally Inappropriate

I may be a total narcissist but I'm single and taking applications.

The Tale Of The Hairy Nipple

I was told a little story last night. I was told a little story that is supposedly true and that will now haunt me for the rest of my life. If you are one to get queasy please do not continue reading.

No really just stop.

Still with me? Okay then.

I can't remember why he even thought of it but on the train last night I was told a tale of a man and his nipple. Supposedly this is a friend of a friend of a well, you know. I'm sure this is in the 30th person by now. Anyway, this friend of whomever had found a hair coming out of his nipple. That isn't so unusual for a guy right? Well, he decides he doesn't want it there so he tries to pull it out. He pulled it and it kept coming, more and more. This guy kept pulling this really long hair out of his nipple until he passed out. Turns out that wasn't any hair. It was a nerve!

I have to ask. When you got to the end of this tale what was your reaction? I keep telling people the story and so far I find that guys just laugh. Women are horrified and usually clutch their chest begging to know why I would tell them something so gruesome.

I really hope this never happened.

What Month Is It?

It's the last day of April. Does anyone else feel like that month never happened?

I missed the last several PFC's even though I did take pictures for all of them. I'll just post them all at once and pretend it's allowed.

May is going to be so damn busy! How does that saying go? April showers bring May flowers, right? Maybe the God forsaken rain will stop and I can go outside to play.

It's a well known fact that Madman R.E.H. is a modern day Apollo and he always has all the ladies swooning.

Confused? Well, it is the last post of the month and if I can count correctly, it's my 9th sentence. I'm attempting to mess with R.E.H. in the future. Hope he doesn't change the rules on me! I'll include him on my Friday Pimp list so you can be in on the joke. He really does make the ladies swoon though. Just check out his comments section and you'll see. Oh crap, I'm already pimping.

Er, uh.... what now? I found this link for Infants Blood. Too creepy? How about a semi creepy link to horrible tattoos? Maybe you are in the market for flamingos. Whatever, I have to get back to work.

Yesterday

Yesterday I had a little fondue get together with some friends. It was a lot of cheese and even more champagne. Surprisingly nothing went wrong. It was really easy to make. The consistency was perfect and stayed perfect. I was happy. I have a really nice fondue pot that I rarely ever use since I never cook or anything but I figured it was about time I invited people over again. I might start using that thing more often.

Is anyone else watching Rock Of Love II as religiously as I am? For some reason I am obsessed with this show. I think all the girls are frightening yet I have to catch the new episode every Sunday. This is the only show I have ever cared about not missing. What on earth is wrong with me? I think it has something to do with my secret desire to be a rock whore.

Commuting

Last night after work I started my journey home via subway per usual. Lucky for me the subway platform by work is above ground so you get to stand in the freezing wind praying for the lights of a train to appear in the distance. Actually, I chose to stand in the wind last night. I only did this because the wind was blowing so hard against the siding of the platform the siding was lifting up into the air. My choices were, stand in freezing wind or risk the siding breaking off and knocking me onto the subway tracks. So I only risked it for part of my wait. When the train finally came I instinctively went to the car with less people. I should have known of course that nobody was in that car because a homeless man had sprawled out across an entire row of seats. He didn't reek so I sat down across from him. I couldn't help but notice he didn't have socks and his ankles were swollen and dry. He had to be freezing because he kept twitching around. I contemplated how I could get this person some socks. I couldn't give him mine because I don't think he would be all that impressed with knee high stockings for a girl. Maybe they would make a nifty glove or headband but that didn't solve anything. Anyway, I'm thinking this over as the man lies with his back to me twitching around more and more. He has a huge coat on and he is shaking so much I'm wondering if he is okay. That is when I realize... I'm watching a homeless man masturbate. I can't actually see anything thank Jebus but as soon as the thought entered my mind I was positive that was what was happening. I was so uncomfortable but in my shock I couldn't help laughing out loud. That is when he suddenly stopped, did some "adjusting" and turned to peer out from under his coat at me. Socks were no longer on my mind. I had to get off the f'ing train. This is a disturbing story, right? So why do I think it is so funny? This city has messed me up.