Thursday, July 14, 2011

Why do I refuse to take care of myself?



That show I’ve been working on for the past couple months finally opened last weekend. We have seven more performances and so far the reviews have been pretty good.

Review 1
Review 2
Review 3
Review 4

I’m thrilled with how well everyone pulled together. It has been a great group of people that didn’t cause a huge amount of backstage drama. You know what bitches actors can be. I think for the most part nobody hates anybody else… yet. Overall I’m proud to have been a part of this show.

I let the stress of the show and other aspects of my personal life get the best of me. I probably did more than my share of grunt work and then tied that into going out to celebrate after rehearsals/shows plus a general lack of sleep. I have guilt and anxiety swimming through my veins thanks to this whole not knowing how to be single thing. With all that it wasn’t a huge surprise that I had two bad seizures last week.

I think the seizure/demons shook something loose in my brain because I’ve been a pretty emotional wreck since the last one. After the first I was okay because it had been ten weeks since my last grand mal seizure and other than being generally sore I seemed fine. The second one was worse. I was alone so I’m not sure what happened but I know I woke up on the floor in a puddle. I have some nasty cuts along my left knuckles and on my feet. My shoe closet is broken so my best guess is that I actually hit it apart while convulsing. I bit my tongue so bad that it started to turn black. That was the most disgusting of all.

Well, tonight I’m going to party like its 1999. That was a sleepy suggestion given to me this very morning. At the time I thought, “go back to sleep you crazy bastard” but now that I think it through it’s a good plan. I figure in 1999 I was 16 and I still had a curfew. So tonight I’m going to bed like a good girl and not sneaking out the balcony and into my boyfriend’s car. (Don’t worry mom, that only happened a couple times and obviously I never got knocked up or arrested.)

No wonder I have problems.

14 comments:

jack mehoff said...

not knowing how to be single? you get to be selfish. you get to come and go as you please. you get to forget about everyone else and figure out who the hell you are.

no man, or woman for that matter is worth jeopardizing your health for. gotta let the stress outta your life

go get that tat done. that could be a step in the right direction i say

Micky-T said...

Congratulations on the opening. Not knowing much (anything) about plays, those reviews don't seem so bad.

I've never been to a play, but you could bet that if I had the chance to see one that a blogger buddy was "in" the play, I'd be there.

Mike said...

what you need is either a decent boyfriend or a larger apartment with rubber lined walls. Maybe both?

Jay said...

Congrats on the opening of the play! And the reviews do seem pretty good over all, so that's pretty awesome.

As for the seizures, I shall now begin to worry about you again. Please try to pace yourself and slow down a bit and keep the stress low. Yeah, I'm sure that was all you needed. Almost as easy to do as it was for me to say! haha ;-)

Do take care though babe.

iamnotyourguru said...

I love you. When you are free we will go to the beach and lay in the sand and figure it all out in the first 10 minutes.

The show was great.
You're great.
Sleep.

xxxx

Mike said...

“go back to sleep you crazy bastard” is not crazy at all!

Reb said...

I am sure the show was wonderful. I wish I could hop on a plane and go see it.

As for being single, if you enjoy your own company then you will be fine. I just wish they had your seizures under better control. Take it easy kiddo.

Gary's third pottery blog said...

Ah, Knight, geez. How horrible to wake up on the floor like that, man. I wish there was something we could do to help.

Reverend Awesome said...

Going to bed early is the jam! Take care of yourself.
Allow yourself to feel crazy without feeling guilty about it. I've found it's the only way to work through the nuttery. Revel in how crazy you feel.

captain corky said...

Knight,
Do I have to give you a lecture?!? I'm real good at shaking my finger. A little over 10 months ago I started jumping out of my skin and went to the Dr. to get Zoloft for anxiety. It really fucking helps.

The scene you did in White Liars was really funny.

Farmer*swife a/k/a Glass_Half_Full said...

Congrats on the show! I know you love this and all of this theatrical is such a dream for you; living your life the way you want.

And, you are still young an allowed to go out and enjoy life and party and be crazy - while you can and before you get too tired/old/aging to do it like you could before. I can still party a party; but the next day I might feel it a wee bit more. ;-P

As for the medical issues. *Worrying-intake-of-breath* I worry that you are alone when these happen. Do you need a significant other? No. But, do you need someone who could help you; maybe an alarm or something so a neighbor could run in to help? Or change meds? Or...I don't know but you make me want to jump in the SUV and drive up there and do something.

Maybe like 'Mike' said, I'd seizure proof your apartment...pillows and rubber padding.

Keep being the beautiful you I adore and maybe check in with your MD about the two in two weeks....

JasonBSchmidt said...

I concur with the not-guru. Love you. Beach therapy soon.

LL said...

I'll bet you were complete crap in that play... :P

Sorry to hear the seizures are back darlin'. You might just have to get a roomie to keep watch. Don't make me come back there and keep an eye on you. I've got too much work around here to be taking the next six months off. ;)

On a more serious note, as long as you are alone avoid bathtubs darlin'. I had a sweet sweet cousin who had a gran mal in the tub. She didn't make it. I don't want to weep for you too.

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