Learning What?

When I was attending the musical theater academy that shall not be named they made us take a class called VPS. That is short for Voice Production and Speech. The idea was to teach as all about things like vowel placement, tone quality, and breath control. It helped all of us who refused to believe we have accents finally acknowledge what we were doing differently. I understand why they originally thought this class would be beneficial but I can't justify three full semesters of it.

In semester one we had a teacher with a mullet who made us all sit in front of mirrors trying to talk with corks in our mouths. For those of you who just misread that, I said CORKS. I don't really remember what the point was supposed to be. I think a lot of people tend to speak without opening their mouths properly. Regardless, it was a little odd.

Semester two was a real trip. I had a teacher with a bowl cut (Bad hair is a necessity when teaching voice technique.) who would make us all lie on the floor and put ourselves in uncomfortable positions until our tired muscles started to tremor. The goal was seriously the trembling. It was incredibly awkward because it looked like a room full of people orgasming and occasionally the teacher would come over and try to help you. Please explain to me what that could possibly have to do with your voice? Is it for relaxation?

Finally we made it to our third semester and I don't have any memory of that teacher at all. Probably because we were so busy playing with masks and crawling around on the floor. I'm not kidding. I remember some of the masks were cats or just the regular zoro type eye cover but for some reason I thought it would be fun to get a clear glossy mask with the eyes painted in a drag queen sort of way. It doesn't sound too bad but when I put it on it was creepy as hell. One day the teacher asked us to put on our masks and start moving around the room making noise. This escalated into using levels which meant getting on the floor, crawling, and climbing up on boxes. Finally the teacher announces we are animals. Whatever animal came to mind in the moment. We had tigers, bears, birds, and elephants. What was I? Of all the animals I could have chosen I became a damn snake. I don't mind snakes but when you are squirming around on the floor trying to "interact with the other animals" it can really bruise your ribs. I had to keep chasing everyone around because they were afraid of me. I think this moment in time might have damaged me for life. Now tell me, WHAT does that have to do with voice production and speech? What? It was such a pointless, useless class and I spent several dollars on that mask. That was weed money! Back then. Not to mention thousands on the class. That school was such a scam. I wonder if they would hire me as a VPS teacher?

Letter to Knight Ramblings

Dear Blog,

I'm sorry for neglecting you. I realize you require a lot of attention and upkeep but I'm just not good at that sort of thing. This is exactly why I should never be a parent or even a pet owner. The thing is, I really have gone crazy. I wasn't kidding. I want my life to be different and it just isn't making any changes yet. It's not as if I'm trying to ignore you because I'm not. I'm just overwhelmed at the moment. You see, work eats my soul. That means it's mostly missing except for that little hopeful part I'm hiding inside that so badly wants the change. Since I'm hiding that last bit of soul it makes it very difficult to write. I promise to make it up to you later. I've also been spending a lot of time trying to help out Casey the last few days. He went into surgery Monday morning to have his evil back repaired. He couldn't walk more then a few feet until yesterday when he made it a full six blocks without trouble. Thankfully it looks like the surgery worked and things will start getting better. I'm so happy he is okay.

I probably won't be back again for a little while but don't worry, I could never stay away for too long.

Love,
Knight

Gone Crazy

It's Probably Time

As you may or may not know, it is part of my job to watch commercials and keep up with new campaigns. Yesterday I was watching Super Bowl ads set to launch this weekend. This one seems to be speaking directly to me in every way.



Yeah, it's time.

I miss acting.

I miss getting excited about a character and examining a script knowing you will be telling the story. I love the preparation and rehearsal required to build relationships with other characters and to captivate the audience. Working with another actor and a director going beat by beat to perfect the scene is one of the best ways I can imagine spending my time. I miss even the smallest things like stage markers and finding the light. I really wanted this to be my life but somehow I got sidetracked by money. I was terrified of not paying rent or eating and being on a tour for the rest of my life. I didn't believe in myself. I didn't think I would ever be proud of myself. I didn't think I would be able to take care of myself.

When I started working at the company where I am currently employed it was part time. Only fifteen hours a week so maybe I could still audition. It didn't come close to paying rent of course. I was picking up other random jobs at theaters and promotional modeling gigs. I wasn't acting but I was gal Friday to a lot of places. It got old. I was offered more hours at my day job and I happily took them for the money. The woman I was working with got ill and had to leave on disability. I got her job. Next thing you know I keep getting promoted and I'm in a totally new department working long hours and wondering what happened to my life. I'm completely dependent on the security and afraid to pursue what I really want. I don't even call myself an actor anymore.

I don't know how this turned into a dear diary post. I wanted to write and the stream of conscious brought me here. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled that I have had a few shows recently and singing is really my love but I can't help feeling like I'm missing out on something I once promised myself.

Inadequate Equipment

I either have cramps or my soul is dying. I'm betting it's my soul.

I've been in the office for nine hours now and it's at least another hour before I will be able to leave. At one point I walked down to the lunch area and got some shitty coffee with animal crackers out of a vending machine. That was my four minute lunch. I think if I don't get out of this chair more often I will turn into a hunchback. That's really going to piss me off because I have no idea where hunchbacks are supposed to shop for clothes. Wait, maybe that is a business opportunity just waiting to be tapped into. Are there enough people out there in need of that extra back space to justify starting a clothing line? Can you tell how desperate I am for any change of scenery whatsoever?

I have some sort of freakish e-mail addiction. I have to check my mail constantly or I get a little manic over what I could be missing. Just my personal accounts of course. I have no real desire to constantly check my work mail. Not only is my work mail consistently providing more crap to the pile but it also has the ability to make me feel like less of a man. When I sat down at my desk this morning I had several messages from my own e-mail address and this is what I was greeted with in the subject lines of my unread mail:

Don’t lack confidence if front of women
Never be lonely again
Every girl will beg you for more
Denise rode me to ectasy all night
Never be lonely again
Ashamed of your small tool?
Never be lonely again
Want to put on the inches?
Nothing like a big steel rod in her
She’ll always want to go down on you
Give it to her big time
Make her bring you home
Show off your new longer rod ASAP
Growing big is super easy
Grow massive with ease

I'm a little creeped out. It appears I am the only person in the office with this spamming issue. I obviously don't have to worry about this problem but if I did I would certainly want to know who was spreading the word of how inadequate my equipment is. Actually I think the most disturbing part is how often I appear to tell myself to never be lonely again. It sneaks in there a lot. *That's what she said.* Showing off my longer rod ASAP did make me laugh. Something about getting it out ASAP seems really inappropriate while I'm at work.

The News

I've been busy lately. One of the things that occurred was that I reported someone to a news station and this happened:



This clip cuts off the story early. I was actually on the news and if I find a better version I will post it but for now if you want the whole story you can view it on the news website here.

UPDATE: Gary found the link for me. GO HERE TO WATCH.