Pimpin my Work Peeps

My office is so very loveless these days. I told my lonely co-workers I would help pimp them out via my blog. Luckily I've got something for everyone (except lesbians, sorry ladies). They agreed to let me post a profile of each of them in hopes of meeting new available people. They all say they are willing to travel to other cities, and countries for the right person/amount of money. Okay, in all honesty none of them are actually lonely but they are single. They are all very cool people and they agreed to let me write profiles about them.
So step right up and meet the people that get me through the work day:


StumpsAround:
Stumpy is a SWF from the South. The nickname Stumpy came from another co-worker who once opened a muffin and found mold inside the Stump. She has since dubbed our shorter work pal Stumps/Stumpy/StumpsAround, or anything else you can come up with. Her interests include buying expensive clothes, drinking beer then visiting white castle, spreading pink eye to cowboys, baking delicious cookies, dancing the robot, and hiding in duffel bags. She has a tendency to self sabotage her relationships by going for the wrong man every time. If you are Asian or look under age she will be all yours.



LargeDecafHazelnutCoffeeWithMilk:
The name is obviously the drink he orders every freakin' day at our 10:30 coffee run. For some reason the guy at the cafe can't remember all the specifics so he has to tell him every time. Ridiculous! LDHCM likes his coffee like he likes his men: Tall, light, and nutty but doesn't effect your nerves. That is only sort of true. You don't have to be light. LDHCM writes funny skits and plays and shit. He will probably write one for you if you ask real nice. He also draws random pictures all day. I think most of them are of himself which would imply that he is extremely narcissist. I wish he would start a blog because he has a sense of humor like no other. He is looking for a soulpal that will read the dictionary with him. His interests are dumplings, being a tetherball (see image), and carrots.


REX:
This is the catch of the day ladies. He has recently been made over by yours truly and the two listed above. (Seriously, new wardrobe, haircut, everything.) He is looking for a lady that will mess with his emotions and cause irreparable damage to his ego. He is easily lured with rice krispie treats, banana liquor, and needy cats. His secret desire is to be a famous white raper like Eminem or Vanilla Ice. His interests are improv, getting lots of attention, trapping people in his apartment, and condemning you to hell for smoking.
We do not take responsibility for the hat in this picture.

These are my peeps and I'm trying to hook them up so if you are looking or you know somone that is looking please feel free to make a bid and I'll except the payments via pay pal. I can have them delivered in six to eight days.