A Girl Wrote It

I'm in a show. It opens next week. I'm nervous as hell.

A Girl Wrote It is back again after its critical success in 2011.  This year, Wide Eyed Productions has upped the ante by bringing together some of the most gifted emerging and established female playwrights being produced today. 

From first flings and early love to failing bonds, exploration, and erotic courtship, the five stories in this year’s A Girl Wrote It will present comedies and dramas that explore relationships and contemporary issues which press and spark our imaginations.

So they are letting me do this pretty kick-ass monologue that I'm really excited about. Perhaps there will be pictures. Perhaps video? Perhaps I will even share it with you. If you live around here you might even want to come see it.

Also, they did a little interview about me and posted it RIGHT HERE.  The editor was kind enough to soften me up a bit so I wouldn't offend anyone or burn bridges with my old school.  Funny. Anyhoodle, go take a gander at it.  I'll be here drinking my sangria and pretending to work while talking to myself. It's fun practicing my monologue at work. I list all the things I hate and my coworker thinks I've finally totally lost it. She is probably googling the number for an institution right now. See you all in group therapy.

xoxo
Knight

Knight for Lodge President

I've mentioned before that I belong to a group known as The Lodge. It's basically a bunch of us that hang out at a neighborhood bar and screw around. We take it very seriously. Well, today I submitted my candidacy for President. It's mostly inside jokes but I figured, what the hell, I've got to share it with my blog peeps.

Attention Lodge Skanks and Curmudgeons,

At this time I, Carly Knight, would like to announce my candidacy for President of The Lodge in the upcoming November 2011 election.

This may come as a surprise to none of you considering the endless hours I’ve spent at (Insert name of bar) campaigning over the last year. I feel it’s very important to know the lushes of the Lodge and their various hopes, dreams, needs, and cocktail orders. I’ve also put forth the extra effort to ensure a comfortable Lodging experience by befriending all Bartenders, Bar backs, and Bouncers. They are essential to our cause in securing a well bused table and well lubricated cast of characters.

In my role as Secretary of Defense not a single Lodge member has been raped or pillaged, during Lodge hours.  As President of The Lodge I would continue to maintain safety by wearing weaponry as well as taking security up a notch by directing a fan towards whoever has the strongest stench of the day (most likely Loraine). This will direct the stench out the window towards possible thieving Pirate Queens and away from The Lodge members making our overall experience much more enjoyable.

My hopes for The Lodge in the upcoming year include actualizing the many exciting theme events we’ve discussed such as Prom, Pajama Parties, and Mud Wrestling. I look forward to the induction of new members; however, as President I would require a full delousing and proper grope of Lodge candidates. This should help keep out the riff-raff. 

I’m not campaigning on Hope for The Lodge. I don’t want to bring about change. I just want to help my beloved Lodge friends imbibe in an environment free of worms and crabs. We can take care of the current President Freddy Geils’ fruit fly problem once and for all. I’ll ensure that wet wipes are always available to those in fear of infection.  I’ll help Vice President Miranda finally gets some medication for his incontinence problem, or at least buy him a diaper. We’ll keep a vat of scabies cream behind the bar for the lot of you, because I care.

I have a dream that one day this Lodge will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: “We hold this booze to be self-evident: that all alcoholics are created equal.” If I am elected President I will do my best to keep The Lodge strong not only because I love all of you but because my therapist thinks it’s good for me.

Signed,

Carly Knight

Secretary of Defense

The Lodge 

A 13 year old boy made me cry.

I haven’t been reduced to tears by a teenager since I was one. .. until yesterday.

I was doing my boss a favor by taking his son on a two hour train ride out to his friend’s summer home. He is a real sweet kid and we have met several times so we were pretty comfortable in each other’s company. He is a curious question asking kid but polite about it so I don’t mind. He asked a lot about epilepsy in general. Somehow I said something in jest that made him question my dating life. He actually asked how many boyfriends I have. I laughed and skirted an answer by responding with “Actually the guy I really like is moving to LA within the month.” Then we talked about theater or something and he went back to playing his PlayStation or whatever hand held device that was.

This whole time I thought I was being regular old badass me with my cold exterior and dark sarcasm. Either I’ve become totally transparent or this intuitive kid saw right through it. About twenty minutes later he turned off his game and looked at me with serious concern. “You’re having a real hard time right now, aren’t you?” I was caught off guard. Perhaps he was talking about something else? “With the epilepsy and that guy leaving, it must be hard.” When I caught my breath I awkwardly laughed and said, “Yeah, I guess you’re right. It is hard.” I smiled and went back to staring at my hands or something. “It will be okay though” was his final statement on the subject and he proceeded to watch Family Guy episodes on his phone. I didn’t think another thing of it.

I dropped him off with his friend’s babysitter at the train station. I grabbed some lunch and waited for the train back to the city. It wasn’t until I got into my seat and settled that I let it sink in. Suddenly I realize my face is totally wet due to the silent tears that are rushing down my cheeks. Damnit, that kid struck something. I’ve been bursting into tears at random for days but I just thought it was emotional backlash of the seizures. I thought it would go away. This wasn’t about that though. This kid saw through me and he is right. I have a lot of emotionally damaging stuff going on right now and I avoid dealing with it by keeping myself busy and never going home. If I go home I’ll be alone with my thoughts and that is the scariest place of all.

After what happened yesterday it has become extremely clear to me that I need to go to therapy as soon as possible. I’ve been putting it off far too long. Someone recently told me I don’t have to live like this. That’s hard to comprehend but if it’s true I want to try. It would be nice to have someone I could tell the whole story to for once. Not just the pieces they won’t judge me for.

Thanks Kid.

Why?

Jay asked me (well, everyone) why I blog and then listed a whole bunch of really good reasons so that I wouldn’t have to think too hard. I decided that it’s to avoid paying for therapy. I want to take this moment to thank you all for being a part of my group therapy sessions. I’ve worked through a lot and all you had to do was comment every now and again about nothing in particular. I really feel that I’ve grown as a person and each of you almost have something to do with that. Almost.

I told Sky to go to his own home Friday and got the whole weekend to myself! What did I do alone in my apartment over the weekend? Clean. I feel so much better. Cleanliness is next to happiness is what I always say. Don’t worry, I’ve never said that. I don’t like cleaning things, I just like it to be clean and I can’t afford cleaning people to do it for me. I also realized I have a weird little quirk and I wonder if others have the same thing. If I have been cleaning anything, not organizing but cleaning, I have to take a shower immediately after. It’s not like I actually got dirty in the process but even running the vacuum means I have to take a shower. I might have problems.

I sang during a friends show at a bar last night. It was a last minute thing but very fun. Then a crazy old red headed guy dressed in full Jets attire insisted on walking me home. Normally I would be worried but he was nice and smaller and weaker than me. He proposed to me. How is it that the strangest human being at the bar will always seek me out? I’ve gotten so many proposals from strange old men in my days I can’t even begin to count. What in the hell is that about?